Teardrops on my lyrics
by juliet2219
Summary: Bella runs away from her abusive husband with her daughter. She comes face to face with her other past; the man that broke her heart. What will Edward do when he finds out what Bella's been keeping from him all these years? Better summary inside! A\H
1. Chapter 1

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. **

**Teardrops on my lyrics**

**Summary!**

**Bella marries her best friend, Mike Newton in an act of desperation after losing her one and only true love to another woman. Now six years later and with a beautiful daughter, she struggles to make ends meet. She never knew when she married Mike that he was an alcoholic and that he was abusive. He drinks away their money and she struggles to survive with the little money she gets from the songs she's writing. After applying for a personal assistant job, and gets it; she has to make a decision about her and her daughter's future. After being nearly killed by Mike she decides to take the job. On her way to South Africa where she'll be staying for a couple of months, she's wondering what her employer is like. What will Bella's reaction be when she comes face to face with a past that she desperately tried to forget? Will she be able to keep her secrets or will Edward find out what she's been hiding? Edward has skeletons in his closet as well and turned into a cold, heartless, selfish and bitter man. Bella has difficulty trusting any man and is scared out of her mind by just a touch from another man and she has a hard time showing affection and love to anyone else besides her daughter. Both of them is in a constant battle with their own hearts, fighting their feelings for one another and trying to protect their own hearts from breaking again. **

**Will Bella be able to break through the walls that Edward has built around his heart with her lyrics? **

**What will Edward do when he learns the truth about Bella's past?**

**Join Bella and Edward as they climb the mountains of hate, bitterness, pain and forgiveness and how they embark on a journey to find love and happiness. **

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><p><strong>This story is rated 'M' for brutality; mature themes of abuse, violence and language!<strong>

**Chapter 1 is up next so if you liked the summary just go down and click on next…go on!**

**Oh and before I forget; please, please, please take two minutes of your time to review and share your thoughts or criticism…pretty please.**

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><p><strong>Also I have written two other stories with a lot of hurt and angst in so please go and check them out. <strong>

** * The broken puzzle piece**

** * Goodbye lullaby (check out the reviews; I've received really amazing feedback about this story.)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. Song is owned by Hinder.**

**I corrected a mistake that i saw in this chapter, I haven't changed anything though.**

**A\N: A big part of this story plays off in South Africa…on a game farm…I'm really excited about writing this and would love to hear your thoughts. The game reserve is in the Limpopo Province, near a small town called Naboomspruit. (I am from SA and to share the beauty of it with you; is really exciting). The name of the game reserve is made-up and does not exist.**

**Don't forget to review!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 1 – Bad timing? Deal with it…<strong>

**Bella's POV**

"Hayley please sit still baby-girl" I pleaded with her again for what feels like the millionth time. My breathing feels heavy from the cracked ribs; my head is pounding against what feels like my skull, and my wrists burn like hell. I look down on the dark curls of my daughter and I couldn't help myself when I ran my fingers through her hair.

"I'm just so excited mommy," she whispered while clapping her hands together in excitement. I love my daughter's innocence; that's when she doesn't think about him and what he did to me. It's the first time in Hayley's life that she's flying in an airplane and her excitement is contagious. I can feel a little of her excitement but the fear of him finding us placed a damper on that excitement.

Jasper has been really helpful and has done a lot for me and Hayley. I only met him a week ago when I went for the interview. I refused to take the job-offer since I heard that I had to move to South Africa and I knew that Mike would never let me go anywhere. Besides what will happen to my daughter; I'll never leave her behind. That night was one of the worst nights of my life; when Mike was done with me I almost died.

"Mommy the lady said you must fasten your seatbelt," my daughters' voice brought me back to reality. I smiled at her and bent down slowly to kiss her on her forehead. My heart is too small for the amount of love I have for my daughter; she's everything in this world to me and more.

After we went through normal procedures when we landed and got our luggage, we looked for a man that would drive us to this game farm. My eyes scanned around all the people and found a big, and I mean big, muscular man holding a sign up with my name on it. I walked over, holding my daughters' hand tightly and the biggest smile spread across the man's face which showed his dimples off. He has black hair and emerald green eyes. I shook my head as two emerald green eyes that I've tried to forget stared back into my mind.

"You must be Bella Swan?" he asked with a smile and I nodded. His eyes then turned to Hayley and he looked surprised.

"And who are you little girl?" he asked while kneeling in front of her.

"My name is Hayley Ne-"she started saying but I quickly interrupted her.

"Hayley Swan, her surname is Swan," I said a bit nervously.

"Well my name is Emmett and it's an honor to meet the both of you." He said poking Hayley's nose gently with his index finger. She giggled and it sounded like music to my ears. "We still have a three hour drive to the reserve, so let's get going." He said cheerful and grabbed the trolley with our luggage on. We only grabbed the necessary stuff as I was terrified of Mike walking in on us packing. We followed Emmett to a big black Jeep and my daughter's eyes almost popped out of her head.

"Whoa…this is…so cool," she yelled in excitement and it made Emmett burst out in laughter. My daughter is way to mature for her age, but can I really blame her? She grew up in a home where there was constant fighting, beatings and so much brutality that it's unimaginable. And for her to still be so full of life and so bubbly is a constant reminder that my love for her, pulls her through. I'll do anything for my daughter and her happiness is my number one priority. I guess that's why I have decided to take this job. I don't want her to see me in pain anymore, I don't want her to see another one of Mike's outbursts and how he beat the shit out of me.

"Bella?" Emmett brought me out of my thoughts and I shook my head to clear my thoughts. I have to stop this…I'm starting a new life now and I have to stop thinking back. Emmett held the door for me and he had to help me get in because it was almost too high for me to get in, but I assured him that I'll get in on my own. I was afraid that he would hurt me because of my cracked ribs. I had a hard time lifting myself into the Jeep and hoped that he hasn't noticed. I noticed that my daughter was already strapped in and I wondered if Emmett has children. He started the engine and Hayley's excitement grew; I couldn't help but smile at her. Emmett and Hayley talked and talked; I closed my eyes pretending to be asleep.

I'm nervous as hell about meeting my employer. Jasper assured me that he wasn't a monster, but I saw the flash of sadness in Jaspers' eyes when he talked about his brother-in-law. I knew something was wrong because why would he be hiding out here if nothing was wrong. That's what I'm going to do now, hide. Jasper mentioned that he was a famous rock-star, which made me excited in some way. I'm a song-writer and I really wish that someone would come across my songs and perform them. I can sing, but after everything I went through with Mike I won't be able to stand in front of a crowd to perform. I don't have that kind of confidence and just the thought scares the shit out of me.

I tried to shift in my seat but my side really hurts. Sitting like this for I don't even know how long made my side ache like hell and my breathing became heavier. With my eyes still closed I suddenly saw Mike's boot, kicking me repeatedly. The sound of my ribs cracking and the excruciating pain feels so real that I can't help the scream that escaped my lips while I'm gasping for air. My hand reaches for my side and I couldn't stop the tears from falling anymore. Emmett immediately pulled over and jumped out of the huge Jeep as if it was nothing; then again if I had legs that long it wouldn't be a problem for me either. I opened the door and took his hand that he held out for me.

"Don't touch any part of my body please," I whispered with a pleading voice. Sympathy crossed his face and I couldn't take that, anything but sympathy, so I burst out in tears and he gently took me in his arms, carefully not to hurt me.

"I'm sorry; I just needed to stand for a while, I've been sitting like this since I left Seattle and it caused a lot of tension and pain on my ribs." I explained, still breathing heavy.

"What happened to you?" he asked in concern.

"I don't want to talk about it," I simply said. He opened the back door of his Jeep and spoke to Hayley; I couldn't make out what they were talking about but the next moment Hayley jumps out of the backseat and Emmett helps her into the front.

"You can lay in the back, it's not that far, maybe an hour." He said and I nodded. He helped me in to the back and I laid back; which felt amazing. The pressure on my ribs was too much and lying like this is heaven at this moment.

"Are you okay mommy?" I heard my daughter ask in concern. Tears stung my eyes when I heard her concern; she is just six years old and has to deal with so much.

"I'm fine baby-girl," I whispered with a strained voice. I sobbed silently in the backseat thinking about my life and what Mike has done to me. If it wasn't for Hayley…I don't even want to think about it. She is my life, my beating heart, the air that I breathe; I'll die without her. Without her I wouldn't have anything worth living for and once again I'm thankful that I gave birth to Hayley. Hayley has my dark brown curls and green eyes. She looks a lot like me but I can also see resemblances of her father.

"We're here mommy," my daughter said and I couldn't sit up in time to see the entrance. "There was an elephant on either side of the gates and their trunks intertwined in the center. It looked so real mommy," she explained. I inhaled sharply with every bump we drove over because it caused me an enormous amount of pain.

"Sorry Bella but don't worry we're almost there." He apologized and I sighed. I feel weak for letting my guard down like I did. I'm supposed to be okay, I'm supposed to pretend that I'm the happiest person alive and I'm not supposed to let anyone know about my injuries. Emmett knows now and I only hope that he doesn't say anything to anybody, because once people finds out they start asking questions; questions that I don't want to answer. Emmett stopped the Jeep in front of a huge double story house. My eyes widened in surprise when Emmett jumped out and came around to open the door for me and Hayley.

"This is where you'll be staying Bella; all of us live in this house." He explained and carefully helped me out of the Jeep. He grabbed our luggage and walked to the front door.

"What do you mean by everybody?" I asked nervously. I thought I was going to be on my own; my own privacy. I can't live in a house full of people…I talk in my sleep and sometimes I walk in my sleep. I could feel the heat on my cheeks and knew I was blushing.

"It's me and my girlfriend, Rosalie, and my brother. Oh and then of course, you guys." He explained with a grin on his face.

"Oh…" I sighed.

"Why? Is that a problem for you?" he asked.

"No, I was just curious." I lied and blushed again. Emmett doubled over in laughter and I narrowed my eyes.

"You're such a bad liar, I don't even know you four hours and already know that you are lying." He laughed. "Anyways, come let me show you to your quarters." He suggested and I followed him. He walked so fast that I couldn't get a good view of the house. We walked up the stairs and turned left; we walked down the hallway and stopped at the second last door. He opened the door and when I walked in I gasped. I was in awe; there was a king-sized bed with dark wooden features. The headboard was mounted against the white wall and almost looked like a slice of a tree trunk; it was beautifully varnished and looked amazing. The bedside tables were made of the same dark wood. The bedding had rich, warm colors which consisted of dark brown and ruby red. There was a dressing table near the bed and next to it in the corner was a pot plant. On the other side of the room was a small lounge-area which consisted of a dark brown leather couch. There were ruby red cushions scattered on the couch. In the middle of the lounge-area was a ruby red carpet with a rich brown, wooden coffee table. The room looked so homey and so warm that I felt at home immediately.

"I'll leave you to unpack and then when you're done I'll show you around the house." He said and I only nodded. I haven't even noticed Emmett walking out of the room.

"This is a really cool room mommy." My daughter spoke for the first time and I smiled.

"It gorgeous," I said and Hayley pulled me to the bathroom. She quickly pulled her pants down and took a seat on the toilet; I totally forgot that we never went to the bathroom at the airport and once again, guilt crept into my heart. I feel like I'm neglecting my daughter and her needs.

The bathroom had a shower and a round bathtub and matched the colors of the room. After Hayley was done we walked back into the room. On the farthest side of the room where there were supposed to be a wall, was windows. I walked to the windows and gasped when I saw a small balcony. I moved the curtains away and saw a sliding door that led to the balcony and I opened the sliding door. I gasped when I stepped out of the room and had the perfect view. There were mountains everywhere and I could almost see the whole reserve from here. There was a swimming-pool in the backyard with a big patio area. The sun was setting and the reds and oranges that mixed with the dark blue colors of the mountains were breathtakingly beautiful. I heard Hayley gasped next to me and I quickly ran my fingers through her curls.

We went downstairs to find Emmett and heard him in another room; we followed the sound of his voice and found him in the kitchen talking to a gorgeous blonde woman which I assumed was Rosalie. She raised her eyebrow when we walked in and I wondered what that was about.

"You brought your daughter?" she asked sarcastically.

"I couldn't just leave her behind and besides Jasper assured me that it wouldn't be a problem," I answered her back while lifting my chin just an inch.

"I don't want to be here when he returns," she smirked and Emmett swallowed hard.

"I'm Bella by the way and this is Hayley." I introduced me and my daughter since Emmett wasn't planning on doing it. What does she mean she doesn't want to be here when he returns? Why would Jasper lie about something like this, if it would have been a problem he should have said something and I wouldn't have come?

"Can I go play outside mommy?" Hayley asked and I nodded.

"Just be careful and I don't want you near the swimming-pool." I warned and she nodded her head. I watched my daughter run out the door and my eyes kept following her, making sure she was okay.

"Look if there's going to be a problem with my daughter I want to know about it." I said. To my surprise Rosalie started laughing.

"It's got nothing to do with _your _daughter Bella, it's the fact that you _have _a daughter and the fact that Jazz didn't mention this…" she started explaining but Emmett cleared his throat. I saw the glimpse they gave each other and Rose kept her mouth shut after that. That statement got my nerves all rattled and I don't know what to expect when meeting my new employer.

**Edwards POV**

It's days like these that I'm wondering why the hell I bought a game farm in the middle of fucking nowhere. I had to take a trip to Polokwane, about an hour away from my farm. I had business to take care of and grocery shopping, which I hate by the way. I don't know why Rose can't do this? What am I talking about; she's got so much on her plate as it is. At least the PA is starting today and I'm relieved. I just hope Jasper made the right decision about who he picked. I don't want another woman lusting over me. My head snapped up when I heard my own voice playing on the radio; that was one of my first songs, it was about…about _her. _

"_**I told myself I won't miss you **_

_**But I remember**_

_**What it feels like beside you**_

_**I really miss your hair in my face**_

_**And the way your innocence tastes**_

_**And I think you should know this**_

_**You deserve much better than-…**_

I switched the radio off before listening any further. I should have turned it off when the damn song started. _Fuck_ my heart screamed out and I slammed my hands into the steering wheel of my Volvo. Why am I thinking about her today of all days? Why can't I just forget about her completely? She is probably happily married…my heart tightened at that thought but I quickly ignored the pain and I felt my jaw tighten. _That's better Cullen, get a fucking grip, _I chastised myself. _You cried enough…and no more pain, think about something else…forget about her! _I continued arguing with myself. _Pft, _easier said than done; I haven't forgotten her after all these years why would I forget her now all of a sudden?

I sighed in relief when I turned onto my farms' road. I could see Emmett's Jeep and is thankful that he is back. I parked my car inside the garage and walked around the house to go in the back. I noticed a little girl sitting on the green grass; the wind blowing through her dark brown curls. My heart ached and I was in no control of my feet at that moment because they walked me towards the little girl. My heart screamed for my feet to walk the other way but it was as if they had a mind of their own. The face that looked up when she saw me approach was so beautiful and so…familiar. Again my legs did the unexpected when they knelt in front of her. She smiled at me and my heart went into overdrive…why does she remind me of…of _her?_

"You must be uncle Emmett's brother…he told me all about you on the way here?" she said with a sweet musical voice. Her little red lips pouted a little and I couldn't help but chuckle. The sound startled me; it wasn't something I was used to. I frowned while looking at her and wondered what the hell she was doing on my farm?

"I am his brother and who are you?" I asked without emotion as I felt my own defense mechanism wrap around my heart.

"I'm Hayley…Swan," she said and my frown deepened. Swan? Could it be? No, it's not possible…it can't be.

"And where's your mommy?" I asked and she pointed to the house. I stood up and started walking to the house, leaving the girl right there. I couldn't care less anyways, it's not…mine…and I felt my heart wrench when I saw two pairs of eyes looking at me. _No stop thinking about them!_ I commanded myself but it was already too late, my thoughts went back to them and as every memory played off in my mind I felt my heart shatter into a million tiny pieces. _STOP _my heart yelled and before I could stop myself from walking through the kitchen door, I was inside. Her back was turned to me so I couldn't see her face. Rose and Emmett's eyes widened when they saw me, urg whatever, they've seen me looking worse than this. Then she slowly turned around and I know her paleness reflects mine. A hundred emotions crossed my face but the bitterness won so I clenched my jaw and stared at her with cold eyes. What surprised me though was the fact that she had the same emotions on her face. Why the fuck would she have a reason to look at me like that?

"What the hell are you doing here?" she hissed and I must admit that I was shocked now. She seems to hate me and I'm the one that's supposed to feel this way about her, she left me!

"I could ask you the same thing?" I said through clenched teeth. Her eyes widened and her mouth hung open.

"I work here…please tell me that you are not the owner." She said now with fear.

"This is my farm and yes I am the owner-"

"I have to get out of here, I can't be here." She panicked and I crossed my arms over my chest. How the fuck did this happen?

"Where are you planning on going Bella? You signed a contract and besides where will you get money to buy a ticket back to the states?" I asked her with a smirk. I'm planning on ruining her life just like she ruined mine. Now that I've found her or rather no that she has fallen into my lap, I'm not letting go. When the time is right I want fucking answers and she _will _give them to me. She played with her fingers and I saw her body trembling, strange but I don't remember Bella being the nervous kind and where did she get all this fear from? I shook my head because I didn't care.

"I can't work for you." She whispered with tear-filled eyes and just before I could feel guilty for treating her like shit, I hardened my heart some more.

"Tough shit," I hissed and stormed off while getting my phone out of my pocket. I dialed his number and when it went onto voicemail I groaned.

"Jasper, I plan on whipping your fucking ass when I find you. Just…call me back!" I hissed into the phone.

The timing off Bella returning to my life couldn't be more off than now…I'm dealing with so much shit right now. It's just so funny how, no matter how hard you try to forget or cover up, your past always comes back to haunt you and the fucking timing is always so damn wrong.

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><p><strong>What did you think about the first chapter? The songs name is 'Better than me' by Hinder…awesome song!<strong>

**Please, please, please REVIEW, pretty please!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. Song is owned by Flyleaf!**

**Special thanks to KGUNTER34, VAMPIREGURL AND WHATWOULDJESUSDO for your reviews. Keep them coming please. I've received a lot of favorite story alerts and author alerts, thank you, but please review. It doesn't even take two minutes…please.**

**Have you read 'Goodbye Lullaby' – my other story…please do; full of angst, hurt and romance.**

**I would like to suggest the following story…it's also full of angst and hurt. It touched my heart in so many ways. **

**The story's name is ASHES, ASHES WE ALL FALL DOWN and the author is SUDDENLYSANDI. Go and check it out…awesome, awesome story!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 2 – Empty bliss and worthlessness<strong>

**Bella's POV **

"Jasper…this is the fifth time I called…answer your damn phone! You are in big trouble…big, big fucking trouble!" I hissed into the phone. I have called him over five times and get the voicemail every time. He probably knows that he's in big shit. Every time I close my eyes I see two emerald green eyes glare back at me. Not the loving kind of eyes I remember, not the soft, full of life eyes I remember but emerald green eyes filled with hate and bitterness. He has no right to treat me like this; he left me six years ago not the other way around. I turned my head to look at my daughter. Her brown curls are spread all over her pillow and I raised my hand to move a strand of hair out of her beautiful face. She whimpered a little and turned her head to the other side.

I haven't slept through one night in, well since Hayley were born. After everything Mike did to me in bed, I couldn't close my eyes without seeing it play out in my head over and over again. I would usually get sick after the sex, if that's what you can call it. Mike was like an animal in bed and treated me like one too. I remember the times that I could hardly get out of bed and I remember the blood dripping off my body. I closed my eyes quickly when I felt the tears burn my eyes. I have to stop thinking about Mike and the horrible things he has done to me. I have my daughter to think about…she's what's important now. My thoughts went back to Edward; I have to get off this reserve and away from him. If he ever finds out…what I've done; no I won't allow it.

I rolled out of bed and wished that the pain in my side would disappear. I went to the windows and opened the sliding door to go and stand on the balcony. I crossed my arms as I stepped out into the cold air. It's winter in South Africa and it's not the same as in Forks, but it's still cold. Goosebumps covered my body when it felt like the wind blew right through me. I looked up at the sky and gasped. The stars are beyond perfect here; they are so clear and they seem brighter. The cold air burned my cheeks where the tears keep falling down and I turned around to go back inside.

I took my music book and a pen and climbed back into bed. I haven't written anything in a while; I didn't have time since all the injuries that Mike has inflicted on me. My eyes rest on my bandaged wrists as I hold the pen down on the paper. I closed my eyes as tears well up in my eyes once again and images of the blade of the knife flash in front of me; my blood dripping off the blade. I can still hear him slicing the blade through my flesh and I can still smell the blood. He nearly killed me, if it weren't for Hayley, I would be dead right now. My eyes wandered back to my sleeping daughter and I felt my heart swell with love. Why did I stay with Mike for so long? Why did I put my daughter through that hell?

I started scribbling words down on the paper for me to compose music to later. I left my guitar at home and I need a new one. I also had a keyboard at home which helped me to compose music. _**"This invasion makes me feel…Worthless, hopeless sick….I'm so sick." **_I scribbled and hit the back of the pen on the book repeatedly while thinking. _**"I'm so sick, infected with where I live…Let me live without this, empty bliss and selfishness. Let me live…"**_

I threw the pen against the wall and cried out when it felt like someone punched me against my ribs. Damn Mike, damn him for doing this to me and fucking up my life, ruining every part of my body and left me with permanent scars. No man will ever want me; not that I want a man ever again. They can't be trusted. I slowly climbed out of bed and went downstairs. After I poured myself a glass of milk, I took a seat at the kitchen table and sipped on the milk. His velvet voice startled me and I dropped the glass while I choked. He rushed to my side and gently hit me on my back while lifting my arms up. I screamed out in pain as that action caused me so much pain and I can almost feel the cracked rib rubbing against my flesh, causing me to breathe with difficulty. Plus his hands gripped my wrists where Mike sliced me and I still had stitches in the deep cuts. Edward turned pale when he noticed the bandages for the first time and he quickly took a step back. My head started spinning when I smelled the blood and gasped in horror when I saw that my left wrists' bandage was soaked in blood.

**Edward's POV**

I gently took Bella's arm in my hand and slowly took the bandage of. I was horror struck at the sight in front of me. There were multiple deep cuts in her wrists that were stitched up. Her arm looks pretty fucked and it makes me sick to look at it.

"Why the fuck would you do something like this Bella?" I asked in unbelief. Her head snapped up and her teary eyes met mine; her eyes filled with hate.

"It's none of your damn business." She said and tried to pull her arms out of my hand but I held on to her.

"This needs attention," I whispered and I saw her clenching her jaw. Tears overflowed her eyes and were streaming down her cheeks now and I couldn't help but wonder what happened to her. I started wiping her wounds with a warm, damp cloth and the sharp intake of her breath made my heart weak, but only for a moment. She really did a number on herself, these cuts were deep and it's really…brutal. She must have been really pissed for slicing herself up like this. After I cleaned the wounds, I saw that the stitches were still there and it was probably my hard touch that caused the cuts to bleed. I wrapped a new, clean bandage around her wrist and noticed for the first time the bruises on her arms. It's been there a while because it's almost faded but I can still see them and I can make out the fingermarks.

"Bella what happened to you?" I asked again with more urgency. She sighed but still didn't look into my eyes.

"What, now you want to know what happened? A few minutes ago you had everything figured out Edward." She sneered and I felt like an idiot for jumping to conclusions. But come one, someone sits in front of you with slit wrists, what would you think?

"I saw the bruises on your arms when I rolled your sleeve up." I explained. She huffed and tried to stand up, but I could see that she was in a lot of pain and had a really hard time standing up.

"Like I said, it's none of your damn business," she hissed again. I feel awful for hurting her like this, _get a grip Cullen, this is the woman who broke your heart remember? _I thought to myself.

"Bella I want to-"

"Just…leave me alone. I work for you and that's it. What happens in my personal life is my damn business." She whispered and sounded really tired. No, exhaustion was spread across her face and I can see that she hasn't been sleeping. Before I could concern me with her well-being further, I hardened my heart and stormed off. Screw her; I don't know why I expected anything from her. She is heartless just like she was six years ago.

I just reached my room when my phone rang.

"Yea," I answered my phone.

"Edward I'm sorry I haven't been answering my phone but-"

"Well, well if it isn't the man that screwed me over." I sneered.

"Look I'm sorry about not telling you about the kid, but she would be dead by now if I haven't sent her to you. Plus the kid isn't so bad-"

"You not telling me about the kid were really fucked up, but that's not why I'm so pissed Jasper."

"Then what's the problem?"

"This is Isabella Swan; does it ring a bell in that thick head of yours?" I asked sarcastically. Jasper is my best friend and he knew what I went through six years ago after this woman broke my heart. Although they never met, he knew her name.

"No this is Bella," he explained.

"Maybe if you keep telling yourself that shit, you'll start believing it."

"Don't start your shit with me Edward; you asked for help and I helped you. Now that I know that you are an ungrateful ass, I'm hanging up."

"Jazz wait, I'm sorry. I'm just…never mind."

"Look Ed, I'm sorry about Bella and her daughter but I had to help them. Maybe you can work things out now that she's the-"

"No, never. I'll never trust her again. Besides I'm not looking for a relationship now." I sighed.

"I have to go, Alice needs me." He said and I heard my sister yelling his name. I smiled while I thought about my sister whom I miss terribly.

"Tell her I miss her. Bye Jazz." I hung up the phone and crawled into bed. As soon as I closed my eyes; I heard their musical laughter and I felt my heart tighten. This is where I can't keep myself from crying or think about them; my bed. As soon as I let go or try to sleep, their memories play off as if they were still here. As if I could reach out and touch their sweet faces and run my fingers through their hair like I used to. I wrapped my arms around my torso when it felt like I was being ripped apart. The place where my heart used to be is hollow, there's nothing there, well maybe there is but it's called stone. I don't have a heart anymore, besides there's no place for love in my life. Love screwed me over more than once and I had to learn that love only exists in fairytales and that, no matter who you love; you end up with a broken heart. I have had my fair share of hurt, I'm done.

**Bella's POV**

When I reached the safety of my room, I cracked. I sobbed out loud and ignored the pain it inflicted on my ribs. I'm in so much pain right now; my wrists where Edwards' hands gripped me burns like hell, my ribs feels broken beyond repair and my heart…my heart is all screwed up. I thought I have forgotten about the one man I've loved in my life, but I guess I was wrong. It doesn't change anything though; I'll never trust him again after he trampled on my heart. He made me feel worthless, like I was nothing. Maybe that's why after Mike hit me that first time; I didn't leave because I thought I deserved it. I was nothing, I'm still nothing, I'm still worthless and I don't deserve happiness.

I cradled myself against my daughter. She stirred a little and I sighed in relief when her deep breathing continued. This is the one thing in my life that I don't regret; my daughter. She brought only happiness into my life and heart from the first time I felt her kick. I remember when I held her for the first time; the love I felt for her is unexplainable. At that time she reminded me so much of her father and I had a really hard time separating my love for her from the love I had for her father. The night before Hayley's birth, the beatings started and I forgot all about the love I had for her father. I had to protect her with everything I had and I poured _all_ my love out on her. I pushed her father out of my heart as if it was the easiest thing to do. His eyes haunted me in my sleep though and I couldn't control my dreams, but I sure as hell controlled my heart in real life. Now, after six years, I only have love for my daughter and she's my reason for getting up in the mornings and living my life; Hayley only.

I drifted to sleep but I know I wasn't fast asleep, I could still feel the pain in my side and the excruciating pain on my wrists_**. I saw myself standing in front the mirror cradling my eight and a half month pregnant belly with my arms. I remember seeing Mike come into the room, he was beyond angry. His eyes were filled with hate and so much rage. It scared me out of my mind. It's when he slowly approached me that I noticed a butcher's knife in his hand and I can see my body trembling. I see him lifting his hand slowly and I see the reflex of the light in the blade. **_I gasped for air when I opened my eyes and the sunlight coming through the windows, burned my eyes. I'm tired and I've cried through most of the night. My eyes are a little sensitive; okay a little is an understatement. I leaned over my daughter and kissed her on her cheek. Her lips pout as her tiny hand rested on her cheek. I chuckled at her actions, she knew I was about to wake her up.

"Morning my sweet, sweet baby girl." I whispered in her ear and for the first time in Hayley's life, a smile spread across her face while her eyes were still closed. My heart raced seeing her beautiful smile and I know in my heart that she's happy, for the first time in Hayley's life, she's beyond happy.

"Morning mommy," she whispered just before she yawned and stretched her tiny body out on the bed.

"I love you so much sweetie," I whispered with tears in my eyes. I'm just so overwhelmed with witnessing her wake up with a smile. It's usually a struggle to get her out of bed and she is grumpy in the mornings. I always thought that she's just not a morning person, but I guess I was wrong. Why haven't I seen this? It was that hell hole that I made her live in, that made her so unhappy.

She cupped my face with her warm hands and looked straight into my eyes. "I love you too mommy," she kissed me on my lips and her musical laughter made my heart swell. "No more hurting, mommy. No more…" she whispered when her laughter stopped and I could only nod my head. And the little girl in my already too mature six-year-old, makes her appearance; for us leaving Mike's house she believes the hurting is gone, she believes that we left the hurting behind. What she doesn't know is that I'm in more pain now than I've ever been in. Mike's beatings kept the memories away, Mike's brutality kept Edward out of my heart and out of my mind. Mike's abuse left me numb and I couldn't feel anything, except my love for Hayley, now I'm facing my feelings again. After six years I have to face those feelings as they emerged from beyond the grave I've buried them in. And it's absolute hell, because the love is still buried. I only feel hatred and bitterness and…agonizing pain. My heart's been ripped out of my chest and has been brutally sliced up with a rusty old dagger, leaving me to bleed myself to death. Could my life get any more fucked up then it already is?

"Uncle Em said he'll take me for a drive today mommy. Can I go please?" she pleaded and I smiled at the only sunshine in my life, my warmth.

"Sure baby, as long as you promise to be careful and to listen to Emmett." I said and she promised me she would.

Hayley dressed in skinny jeans and a pink hoodie with her chucks. She is not a dress girl and I guess she takes after me in that category. I'm more than happy in skinny jeans, or leggings with only tee's or hoodies. I do have a couple of cocktail dresses but then I wear my doc Martins with them, I hate heels. This is who I've been all my life and I have never changed and I'll never insist on my daughter wearing dresses if she doesn't want to. I slipped some black leggings on with my doc Martins, a white graffiti tee and a black jacket. I don't know what I'm supposed to do today and what I'm supposed to be wearing so if Edward doesn't like this, I'll just come and change. We haven't discussed my job yet so I'm not sure what to do. Hayley placed her hand in mine and we walked to the kitchen.

Everybody looked up at the same time when we entered the kitchen. They were all sitting around the kitchen table, eating breakfast.

"So glad you could join us," Edward huffed sarcastically. Hayley took a seat next to Emmett and I had no choice but to sit next to Edward. I noticed how his body tense when I took a seat but he pretended that I didn't exist.

"You didn't say what time I should start." I said softly but heard the anger and annoyance in my own voice. Emmett's eyes went from Edward to me and back to Edward.

"Uncle Em, mommy said it's fine to spend the day with you," my daughter said to Emmett and a huge smile spread across his face and showed off his dimples again. It's actually very sexy, not that I'm interested, it just looks hot on him and it's probably a good quality on his side. Edward dropped his fork when he heard Hayley's words and I saw his jaw tightened.

"Wow Emmett, couldn't you have discussed that with me, I mean since I'll be joining you." He hissed and Emmett's smile dissapeared.

"I didn't know you'll be joining me Edward. How the fu-"

"Um Emmett please don't use that language in front of my daughter." I smiled. I almost choked when Edward turned his head to face me and his eyes were filled with amusement.

"What?" I asked him and shrugged. Everybody ate their breakfast in silence.

"Since you and…" Edward said and pointed to my daughter, "Hayley," I helped him and he frowned.

"Since you and Hayley will be spending the day together, I'll tend to Bella and show her around." Edward said to Emmett. I felt my body tense at the thought of spending the day with Edward, but shook the fear off, I'm working for him and I'll probably spend most of my time with him. It doesn't mean anything.

**Edward's POV**

They appeared in the kitchen door and I swallowed hard. She hasn't changed a bit, still dresses the same and I see her daughter takes after her in the clothing department. Not that I have a problem with her clothing, I mean when I fell in love with Bella she dressed this way and I used to love it. I remember sharing her love for hoodies and jeans and chucks…I shook my head to rid the memories out of my head.

"So glad you could join us," I said with sarcasm. I know I was being unreasonable and I know I tried to humiliate her just now but I didn't care.

"You didn't say what time I should start." She said softly but I could hear the anger in her voice. Her daughter said something about joining Emmett today and I felt my heart tighten in pain. I was planning on spending the day with him driving around the reserve, but I'm not strong enough to spend an entire day with this kid.

"Wow Emmett, couldn't you have discussed that with me, I mean since I'll be joining you." I hissed and Emmett's smile disappeared. I saw the anger fill his eyes and knew he was pissed with me right now. He was about to swear at me but Bella quickly interrupted him asking him to not swear in front of her daughter. I looked at her with amusement, this is a different Bella. Bella's whole attitude changes when her daughter's wellbeing comes into the picture, in fact Bella changes just being with her daughter. It's a different kind of Bella than the one I talked to last night, or rather argued with last night.

Bella followed me to the Jeep and I had to close my eyes for a minute knowing she's sitting next to me where I can smell her perfume, where I can almost feel the warmth of her body. My heart starts beating frantically but I quickly pushed the feelings aside and brought the bitterness back into my heart. I turned the radio on and a familiar song started playing and to my surprise Bella starts singing along softly. I can't hear her voice clearly but it doesn't sound bad, actually it sounds pretty good. What happened to her dreams?

"I don't remember you singing?" I asked and shock crossed my heart. Did I just ask that out loud? I'm not interested in her stories or whatever happened to her.

"I don't sing…I mean…I can sing, but, urg never mind." She said annoyed.

"What do you do then?" I asked and again I felt like kicking my own ass. It just seems as though my body has a mind of its own since yesterday. _Shut the hell up Cullen, you don't ask her one more question._ I felt my heart argue with my mind and it confused me a little, because all of us used to be companions. Now all of us are in this…war…fighting against each other. Wonder who's going to win?

"I write songs, but I'm a failure at that too..." she whispered.

"I don't believe that." I said and as soon as the words left my mouth I wanted to scream in frustration. Damn this heart of mine. Her head snapped up to meet my gaze and I'm not sure what I saw in her eyes but it almost broke my heart into a million pieces, if that was even possible. My heart's been broken more than once and she owns a huge part in the more than once department. I saw failure in her eyes, agony and so much sadness that I felt it in my heart. Where the hell did she get those emotions? I mean your life should pretty much be fucked, like mine are, to have that kind of agony and pain reflecting in your eyes. It's like I'm looking into a mirror…_no stop this _I chastised myself.

"I actually don't care what you believe Edward," she said sounding so tired. And the heartless side of Bella comes out and this round belongs to my mind. My heart is not taking it too well but I'm happy that the victory belongs to my mind.

We drove in silence to the lodges and I heard her gasp when she saw it. Our house was built far away from the game reserve. We wanted our privacy. Mountains surrounded the lodges and it was breathtakingly beautiful, that's why we picked the spot. I stopped in the parking area and noticed that Bella had a hard time climbing out of the Jeep. Once again I wondered what happened to her but quickly shook the curiosity away. She followed me to the offices and when I walked in the receptionist smiled. I groaned seeing the lust in her eyes.

"Morning Mr. Cullen." She said and her lips pouted. I wanted to laugh at her stupidity but kept my feelings under control.

"Morning Jessica, um I want you to meet someone," I said and turned to Bella, "This is Bella Swan and she's my new PA." I said and had to swallow my laughter when Jessica's face fell. Bella walked to her and stretched her hand towards Jessica. Jessica stared at Bella's hand in disgust but placed her hand in Bella's after a while. Bella cleared her throat and I knew Bella felt the atmosphere. I grinned and walked to my office and Bella followed.

"You just love walking over woman, don't you?" she sneered and my head snapped up in anger.

"What do you mean by that actually?" I asked furiously. My whole body shook in anger. Where does she come off telling me that I'm walking over people? She doesn't know me.

"Never mind. What do you want me to do today?" she said ignoring my eyes.

"Bella, I just want to make a few things clear. I have never, and I mean _never _walked over any woman. I don't have time nor do I want to make time for a relationship right now, so if Jessica has orgasms over me it's not my damn fault. I have never given her the idea that I'm interested in her. So keep your shitty remarks to yourself." I lashed out on her. While I was lashing out on her she backed herself into the corner of my office and covered her ears with her hands, shaking her head sideways. I heard her singing an unfamiliar song. I was stunned at her reaction, why was she so afraid, _pft, that's a fucking understatement, _she's absolutely terrified.

"_**This invasion makes me feel, worthless…hopeless sick…I'm so sick. I'm so sick…infected with, where I live. Let me live, without this…empty bliss, selfishness. Let me live!" **_She sung softly over and over again. I moved closer to her and she tried to back up more but she was already against the while and if it was possible for her to climb through the wall, she would have done it.

"Bella," I whispered while walking closer to her. "Bella," I repeated. I saw her body relax and my heart wrenched when excruciating sobs escaped her mouth. I wanted to take her into my arms so badly but I clenched my fists instead and hid them in the pockets of my pants. I can't handle this shit right now, I'm struggling through my own shit and I don't need to be dragged into more shit; especially from the woman that fucked up my whole life. I turned around and stormed out of my office.

**Bella's POV**

I heard his footsteps disappear as he stormed out of the office. I broke down and cried, unable to stop the tears that streamed down my face. I let my guard down and exposed myself in front of him. How could I let this happen? I let him saw my weaknesses and my fear. I don't know what happened; when he started lashing out on me, Mike's face replaced Edward's and it was as if I was back in Forks, back in the presence of that monster. I feared for my very life just now, something I've never feared before because I would normally welcome the beatings that Mike gave me. It took away the pain in my heart that Edward left. When Mike used to beat me up; I would only feel the pain Mike gave me and the pain in my heart was forgotten…for a while. My heart is now filled with empty bliss...and...worthlessness.

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><p><strong>The songs name in this chapter is 'I'm so sick' by Flyleaf. <strong>

**PLEASE REVIEW! I need REVIEWS to know what you think so go one…click on the review button and share your thoughts…Pretty please!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. Song is owned by Disciple.**

**If you are reading this story, I assume that you read through the summary. The summary clearly states that Edward and Bella's hearts is filled with bitterness and anger and, I speak from experience, if you have these feelings locked inside your heart, being civil is the last thing on your mind especially to the person that caused you to feel this way. Living with bitterness and hatred is pure hell; there are no other words for it! **

**Anyways off to much happier thoughts like the reviews I received…thank you, thank you. KGUNTER34, VAMPIREGURL, VIVIANx3, NATSAR, SANDRABR AND BRANIK. Thank you so much for taking the time to review.**

**I dedicate this chapter to SandraBR!**

**Review and tell me what you think!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 3 – Can't breahte <strong>

**Hayley's POV**

"Uncle Em, do you believe in happily ever after's?" I asked Emmett. I really like his dimples and the way his eyes show love and warmness. Just like my mommy's eyes but only when she looks at me. I don't see it in a lot of grown-ups' eyes, but I see it in Emmett and my mommy's eyes. Emmett doubled over in laughter before he gently pinched my nose.

"They are usually just in fairy tales sweet Hayley but yeah, you can say that I believe in them, why?" he asked. I can see the confusion in his eyes, I know I'm only six years old, but I've been through some sick stuff and had to witness brutal, sick stuff. I'm different from the other kids my age.

"No reason," I lied. How can I tell him my mommy's story without her being placed on the spot? I've noticed how she tense up around these people and she can try and hide her feelings from me, but I know her so well. I wish I could take her pain away, I wish she never met my father…I wish she could just find happiness and be free. Emmett gently bumped my shoulder and a giggled escaped my mouth.

"Don't lie to me, besides you're too young to start telling lies. Spit it out princess." He grinned and I laughed. It's so easy to be normal around Emmett and forget about everything.

"It's just…I want my mommy to be happy. I hate seeing her sad all the time," I whispered and felt tears sting my eyes. Emmett picked me up and cradled me on his lap.

"Hayley, you are way too young to carry this burden on your shoulders. You are supposed to be running around and play in the sand or play with your dolls, or whatever it is you six-year-old girls do these days." He whispered into my ear.

"I hate having fun while my mom fights just to be able to smile." I said with a shaky breath. I remember how everybody used to make fun of me back in Forks, because I was so mature. I never played with the other kids and used to constantly worry about my mommy who was home alone. I constantly feared that he would go home during the day and do something horrible to her. Every day when he would drop me off at home after school and I walked through the door and saw my mommy, relief would flood my heart.

"Hayley what happened to your mommy?" he asked the question I feared the most. Raw sobs escaped my throat when I thought back to a week ago.

"He came home after work and he was angry at something mommy did, usually she would tell me to go to my room, but this time she was too late. He grabbed a fist full of her hair and threw her across the room. I remember seeing her body fly through the air. My body shook out of fear and I started crying because I hated it when he hurt her like that. I begged him to stop but he just yelled at me to keep my mouth shut. He kept kicking her and that sound haunts me even now." I whispered and sighed. "Mommy never made a sound and it angered him more…he went to the kitchen and when he came back he had a big knife in his hand. I screamed at him but he just laughed. He grabbed mommy's wrists and started cutting through her skin; her agonizing screams sent shivers down my spine and I tried to cover my ears with my hands to block it out. There was so much blood uncle Em…so much blood. Her body fell to the ground and her eyes were closed and I thought she was dead. I remember him turning to her and saying something about her not being there to please him anymore and she should guess who he's going to turn to. She didn't say anything, she just laid there, so lifeless. When he left I searched for my mommy's phone and just pressed the green button, that's when Jazzy answered the phone." I said the last part with a smile. Emmett's face was wet from the tears and I quickly cupped his face with my tiny hands.

"You are such a brave little girl, do you know that?" he asked and I shook my head.

"I couldn't save her, she laid there soaked in her blood and I couldn't do anything-"

"Hayley stop this, you did save her. Don't you see that? You phoned Jazzy and he came to help." He whispered. I didn't see it like that.

"I never thought about it like that. I kept thinking that I should have gotten in his way, or I should have jumped on him and tried to hurt him."

"And if something would have happened to you, you and your mommy wouldn't be here today. You saved your mommy's life." He whispered with a smile. "I'm sorry that you had to witness that sweet girl. It breaks my big heart to know what you went through. You are just a little girl and didn't deserve to see that happen to your mommy." He wrapped me in his big, strong arms and I sighed in relief.

"I'm okay now, I think. My mommy is safe now and that's the best thing that could ever happen to me. She deserves to be happy." I sighed. "I'm glad I told you though, it's such a relief to have shared that with someone. My heart feels different now."

"I'm going to make sure you get some quality girl-time. You're going to start acting like a real six-year-old." He said indefinite.

"I can't go back to being that little girl anymore; I've been through too much, but I'm willing to start having real fun as from today." I grinned and Emmett smiled.

"How did you get to be so smart? Um…never mind." He said awkwardly and I doubled over in laughter.

"Hey Hayley, how come you get to call Jasper, Jazzy and I have to be the uncle?" he asked with a furrowed brow and I giggled.

"Jazzy freaked out when I called him uncle Jazzy; I'll call you Em or Emmie if you'd like." I said and he nodded.

"I'd like that very much thank you, no more uncle." He said and crossed his arms.

We were on our way back to the house. We spent the whole day in the bushveld, as Emmett calls it, and we had a picnic and everything. I had so much fun with him today and I do feel so much better after telling him about the last time my dad hurt my mommy.

**Bella's POV**

I heard Emmett's Jeep approach the house and my heart started beating out of control. I felt anxious today while Hayley was away from me. I met them halfway and although I couldn't hug my daughter properly, I did try and regretted it immediately. It felt like my flesh was being torn apart where my ribs were situated.

"Hey baby girl," I whispered out of breath. She looked concerned and I felt guilty once again. She's been through so much already; the least I could do is to pretend that I'm fine. It just hurts so much, even the slightest movement places pressure on my ribs and it makes breathing almost impossible.

"Are you okay mommy?" she asked with tears in her eyes. I ran my fingers through her dark curls.

"Fine baby, please don't cry." I begged her with tear-filled eyes, but I looked away so she wouldn't see them. Emmett saw though and he looked back at me with sympathy.

"Hayley, why don't you go to Rosie, I'm sure she would like to know about your day." Emmett suggested to Hayley and she smiled while nodding her head. My eyes followed my daughter as she ran back to the house. Emmett gently took me by my arm and led me to the swimming-pool.

"I know what happened to you Bella." He sighed and I felt my eyes widen in surprise. "Hayley told me," he explained before I could ask him.

"I…I…I don't know what to say." I whispered in shock. My daughter told a man we only met, about my history. I'm a little freaked about this.

"Do you even realize what she's going through?" he asked and guilt filled my heart again. "I mean really Bella; really realize what your _six-year-old _daughter is going through."

"Don't you think I know, do you really think I don't see what she's going through? I just don't know how to help her because I'm so screwed up myself." I sobbed.

"What kind of man did you marry?" he asked in astonishment and a humorless laugh escaped my throat.

"The monster-kind."

"He nearly killed you?" he asked and I sighed.

"Yes, he nearly killed me." I whispered as I lifted my arms and stared at my bandaged wrists.

"Where else are you hurt?" he asked in concern.

"He cracked a few ribs while kicking the shit out of me," I said as I felt the tears roll down my cheeks.

"This is probably a stupid question, but why did you marry him?" he asked.

"I was pregnant but…please Emmett, just let it go." I begged him but he shook his head.

"No, I can't. You're daughter lost her childhood because of this and I know it's not your fault but I'm sure as hell not going to drop it. Hayley is in so much pain over this. Do you know what her biggest wish is?" he asked me and I shook my head. My heart felt heavy with all the uninvited pain and guilt that crawled in.

"She wishes that you would be completely happy and completely free from all this pain." He said and my knees couldn't hold me up any longer. Emmett caught me before I could fall but it didn't stop the heart wrenching screams that escaped my mouth.

"I can't do this anymore, I can't go on…" I sobbed. My ribs screamed for me to stop crying and to release some of the pressure but I couldn't contain the raw sobs that escaped my mouth.

"Yes you can, and you will. You've got a beautiful daughter that needs you now more than anything. You'll go on for her Bella," he said with determination.

"I'm so scared of hurting her more than she already is. What have I done?" I screamed out. He gently stroked my hair while holding me in his arms.

"We are here to help you." He whispered.

"Thanks Emmett. Thank you for spending time with Hayley," I sighed. I wanted to go back into the house and spend some time with my daughter.

"Spending time with her is a bonus for me Bella, she's a sweet girl," he said with a smile, "Let's get inside and eat." He said and I laughed. We walked back to the house and found Hayley and Rosalie in the kitchen. Edward hasn't spoken to me since my breakdown this morning. I feel bad for the way I've been acting, but he still gets to me and I'm trying to protect my heart.

"Do you mind if we talked for a while baby girl?" I asked Hayley and she smiled at me.

"Sure mommy, let's go talk," she said while placing her hand in mine. We walked into the first room we laid eyes on and I gasped. It was a room full of music instruments and I wondered to whom they belonged. Hayley smiled when she saw my face, she knew how much I loved music. She loves my songs and when I sing them to her. We took a seat on the black sofa in the farthest corner of the room.

"Sweetie I want to tell you tonight that I am beyond happy. I'm happy that I have you in my life, I'm happy that I'm alive and that you saved my life. I'm happy that we're here, starting a new life. I want you to stop worry about me so much and start to live again Hayley." I said.

"I was so scared that I was going to lose you. When you were lying in your blood I thought you were dead. I don't want to lose you, ever." She whispered. I don't know why I didn't see this before. I should have talked to her about what happened right after I gained consciousness but as always I ignored it. I thought by ignoring it she would forget about it or not think about it. How stupid of me? I gently wrapped my arms around her and kissed her head.

"You're never going to lose me, baby. We're safe now," I promised her but I felt my stomach turn. What if he finds me? He'll kill me for sure this time. I felt the hair in my neck raise at the thought of Mike touching me again. How did I live like that for six years? I never should have married him; I never should have used him as a rebound and let him talk me into marrying him. I should have faced my feelings for Edward and stitched my own broken heart together. At least I would have known how to deal with pain in a healthy way. For six years I needed to feel physical pain to forget about the pain in my heart and I realize now that it's so sick and so unhealthy but…I needed it. It takes all the strength I have left in my heart to not grab a razor blade and cut myself to release my heart from the pain that's been locked in there. It takes one look at my daughter's beautiful face to tell me that that is just sick and that I don't need that. I'll get through this, I'm strong enough.

"I'm happy we're here too. I don't want to see _him _ever again." She whispered in guilt. My heart started bleeding for my daughter.

"Baby, don't feel guilty about that, I don't blame you at all. I don't want to ever see him again either." I said. I have to learn to face this pain that Edward caused inside my heart without Mike!

"I love you mommy." Her sweet voice whispered and tears stung my eyes. I slowly lowered my head and kissed her on her head.

"Love you too baby, more than my life,"

**Edward's POV**

The light of the music room made me walk that way. No one goes in there anymore and I almost knew that it was Bella in there.

"Love you too baby, more than my life" I heard her soft voice say to Hayley. Hearing those words makes me jealous because I wished it could have been me she said those words too. My daydreaming is getting ridiculous.

"You should write your songs in here mommy," I heard Hayley say and I frowned. Why would Bella call herself a failure when her daughter clearly thinks otherwise? I felt suffocated when I suddenly remembered how my own daughter used to run into my music room and begged me to play the piano for her. I felt my legs dragging my body outside and I gasped when I felt the cold air on my face. I bent over, resting my hands on my knees and took a few deep breaths. It felt as if my lungs were being punctured and all the air escaped. I had a hard time to breathe back there thinking about her.

Hayley being here brings back really painful memories which I don't want to think about now. I was doing fine before they came along and now in two days; both of them turned my world upside down. I prefer the anger and hatred over this excruciating pain. It's killing me to go through this shit. Grunting noises formed in my throat and before I knew what was happening; my face was flooded with tears. It's been so long since I cried this much and it's irritating the crap out of me. I have learned to suppress my tears and to keep the pain and brokenness locked up, but since Bella made her appearance again, I'm just lost. Feelings that I've thought were long gone, suddenly emerged as if they never left my heart and I feel so confused right now. Even after all this time I still love her, I've never stopped loving her but she broke my heart and how am I supposed to live with that? How do I forgive her after six years of bitterness that I've been carrying in my heart? This is what I'm familiar with; the anger and hatred, I've lived with it for so long now that I don't know how to live without it. It's a part of my life now and Bella is not.

I swallowed hard when I heard footsteps approaching me and I sighed. I'm in no state to talk to anyone now.

"Ed, are you okay?" I heard my brother ask me. My face was stained with tears and I felt like a mess and he asks if I'm okay?

"Why the hell did I have to cross paths with her again?" I asked more to myself then to Emmett. He bumped me with his shoulder and I grinned. Yup, leave it to Emmett to take your mind of things, even if it was for only a few seconds.

"Are you talking about Bella?" he asked and I sighed. He can be so dumb sometimes.

"Yes Emmett, I'm talking about Bella, or have you seen any other woman that came to live on the reserve?" I asked sarcastically and instead of Emmett getting pissed he roared in laughter. "You need some serious help Emmett," I huffed.

"No bro, I'm fine. I'm worried about you though-"

"Don't be, I'm fine." I said but Emmett wasn't going to let this go. I could tell by the way he crossed his arms and took a stand right in front of me.

"No you're not, you're falling apart Ed. I miss them too and you're not handling this in a healthy way." He whispered and I felt my heart ache.

"Please don't Em, I can't handle this right now." I begged him.

"Then when, it's been six months and you haven't talked about them once." He pushed and my breathing became heavier.

"Because it hurts to talk about them, it literally fucking kills me to talk about them. I miss their laughter when they used to run through the house, I miss how they used to beg me to play songs for them, I miss how their tiny hands used to cup my face and they would give me wet kisses all over my face or when they used to hug me. How do I deal with it Emmett? How do I forget?" I screamed out and for the first time since that horrible night six months ago, I clung to my brother and cried my heart out. He comforted me like no one has ever done before and when I pulled away from him I saw the wetness of his own tears on his cheeks.

"You don't forget Ed, you'll never forget them bro…you just have to learn to live without them. You have to accept the fact that their gone and that life goes on, whether you like it or not. You learn how to cope with the fact that they died and you learn to take one day at a time. If you do this in a healthy way Ed, you'll find the road to healing and acceptance is so much better than the road of bitterness and asking 'why'?" he said and I knew this was true, I mean it sounded so right but to actually do, that would be terrifying. I mean just the thought of accepting their deaths and to live without them freaks me out. I know I've been doing it for six months but that's because I've been ignoring them. I haven't faced anything, tonight was the first time that I've actually opened up.

"You just had to push me…" I said with a smile and I must admit that I did feel better but the pain was still there.

"I just…I miss them too you know? They've been in my thoughts constantly, ever since I picked Bella and Hayley up at the airport yesterday. Hayley reminds me of Jade so much." He whispered and I closed my eyes when he said my daughter's name. Hearing her name caused an enormous amount of pain in my chest. I feel so emotionally drained, I haven't cried, really cried like this since their funeral. I thought I was going to die that day.

"I appreciate you doing this Em, thank you. That felt really good." I whispered.

"No problem. Um Ed…can I ask you something?" he asked hesitantly and I nodded my head slowly not knowing if I wanted to hear the question. It's coming from Emmett for crying out loud, I thought to myself with a grin on my face.

"What happened between you and Bella?" he asked and I felt the blood drain from my face. I didn't expect him to ask that question, I thought it would be about my children.

"That's really difficult to talk about Em, I haven't talked about it in six years and if it weren't for my children; I wouldn't be sane right now." I explained.

"I understand, I just…I guess I'm just surprised that you never told anybody that you had a girlfriend before Tanya." He said and I flinched hearing her name. She made my life a living hell and I wish that she was alone in that car when it crashed. Since she hasn't inflicted enough pain in my life, she took my babies with her.

"We were both eighteen years old and I fell in love with her the same day I met her. She's the only woman who ever made my heart beat faster and I'll die feeling this way. We were together for four months and I was supposed to leave for college, you know that. Tanya came by the house that night to tell me that she saw Bella with another man. Of course I didn't believe her, I knew Tanya wanted me and I knew she would say anything to jeopardize my relationship with Bella. So I got into my car and drove to her house where I saw her through her bedroom window with another man. He was holding her and Bella's arms were wrapped around him tightly. I went back home to calm down so I could talk to Bella when I was calm. But unfortunately Tanya was still there and she comforted me. I was so hurt by what I saw at Bella's house and when Tanya kissed me I kissed her back, but only for a few seconds and then I pushed her away. I wanted to work things out with Bella and I wanted Bella not Tanya. And that's it, I never saw Bella again." I said and heard my own voice tremble. What a night? Emmett got me to talk about my children and about Bella. I've never told my family this because I didn't think it was important. Although my heart was broken into a million pieces, I kept it to myself, well partly because Jasper knows the story as well. I kept it locked up inside my heart where even I had a difficult time to find it.

"Where did Bella go?" Emmett asked.

"How should I know Em? She left me; I assumed that she left with that man that held her so tightly that night. I tried to find her but it was as if she disappeared from the face of the earth." I answered him in irritation. If I really knew where she was I wouldn't have made such a mess of everything. Well not everything was a mess; my children were my life, my sunshine, the very air that I breathed. And now they're gone, forever. They're never coming back; I'll never get to run my fingers through their bronze curls again or kiss them on their heads, or read them a bedtime story…or sing to them.

"Bella had a rough life, rough is an understatement, she had a fucked up life." He whispered and I felt my heart ache at the thought of her being hurt, but quickly shook the feelings off of me. She chose that life; she left me and chose another life with someone else.

"It's not my fault Emmett." I whispered and I heard the exhaustion in my own voice.

"I'm not saying it's your fault, but you should hear-"

"No, I don't want to hear, we're through and I don't want to hear what she's been through. Don't you think I've got enough to deal with right now." I asked and he nodded his head and I saw the guilt in his eyes. I punched him playfully and grinned.

"I'm going to bed, I'm bushed." I said.

"Yeah, me too." He said. "Ed, spend some time with Hayley please," he pleaded and I heard myself sigh. Will he ever stop?

"Okay, but I won't promise that anything good will come out of that relationship." I said and walked away before he could say more. I love my brother to death, but he annoys the crap out of me sometimes with all his questions and…his preaching. I'm thankful that he's been in a questionnaire mood and not in a preaching mood. Once Emmett gets on that pulpit, he doesn't get down easily, but I still love him though.

I crawled into bed and thought about my children. Jade was five years old and was the spitting image of me; she was my little sun; where Bella left my heart cold and lifeless, Jade filled my heart with warmth and love. She was born the 8th of January, nine months after Bella left and she would have turned six…three years later on August 13th, I became the proud father of a son, MJ, who was the spitting image of Tanya only he had my bronze colored hair. I never saw Tanya in him though; both of my children didn't have Tanya's…um…qualities. Their hearts were filled with love, affection, gentleness and kindness. Tanya's bad qualities never entered their hearts or their lives, I made sure of that.

Sometimes I wish that I was in that car with them that day after Christmas, six months ago; living without them is pure hell. The emptiness of my house in Seattle was too much to handle, that's why I moved here. I saw them everywhere and it nearly drove me over the edge. If it wasn't for Rosalie and Emmett, I would have lost my sanity. I never thought that I would endure so much pain in only six years. I have my whole life in front of me, but I lose so much in only six short years. Life sucks!

I suddenly felt the urge to write down some lyrics, not that I'm ready to compose again or even sing again but I have some words that I wanted to get off my chest. I took my book and pen out of my bedside drawer and started scribbling words down. _**"I know the pain of being alone, and I have to confess this to you…that I can't move and I can't breathe, I can't love and I can't speak…I can't trust and I can't run…I can't wake and I can't sleep…I can't live my life without you…I can't feel and I can't know, I can't think and I can't show…I can't give and I can't touch, I can't sink or rise above…I can't live my life without you"**_

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><p><strong>The songs name is 'Can't breathe' by Disciple. Listen to it if you can.<strong>

**PLEASE REVIEW! **


	5. Chapter 5

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. Skillet owns the song!**

**SandraBR, Crazybee3, emeraldmoon14, xxsweetaeey, Kgunter34 and vampiregurl – Thank you so much for your reviews and sharing your thoughts. I loved hearing from you. Keep on reviewing. Thank you to everybody reading and for all of the story alerts etc.**

*****Has anyone read ****THE CUBE**** by SUDDENLYSANDI, if not and you're looking for a story filled with humor and romance, this is the story for you. I have never laughed so much in one story.*** **

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><p><strong>Chapter 4 – Taking the first step<strong>

**Bella's POV**

I've been here for a week already and had so much work to do. Being his PA is hard, no wonder the previous girl left. But he is forgetting one thing, I've been through hell in my life and I can take a lot of shit. Him being so cold doesn't mean shit to me. In fact, I prefer it this way.

Hayley is homeschooling because we're in the middle of nowhere and believe it or not, there are no English schools here. She's in first grade now and Rose took the teaching job. She was helping Edward with his work and now that he found me, she doesn't want to do it anymore.

My ribs are still very sore but it's tolerable. My wrists look like shit though, the stitches dissolved and I don't have to wear the bandages anymore, but I try to cover the scars up anyways. It looks horrible and I can see how Edward assumed that I tried to commit suicide; it looks that way. Except that I can see that this was done in rage and clearly not by someone who was depressed and tried to commit suicide. A shiver ran through my body when I thought of Mike's brutality. He is a very sick man.

I'm on my way to the nearest town, Naboomspruit, to get grocery supplies for our home and I have to go to the bank for Edward. Shit this is a really small town and I can't believe that people actually live here. Ha, then again, Forks is just as small and I lived there. It's funny how the small towns just have a way to pick me. My mind wandered back to six years ago.

**I was about to go see Edward, I already missed him and he hasn't even left yet. When I opened the door I was surprised to see Mike standing there. He is five years older than me and went to law school or something like that. We were friends since we were little kids, or I was a little kid. His parents used to own the house next to ours, but moved to another neighborhood when I went to high school. I was extremely happy to see him, he was one of my closest friends and I haven't seen him in over a year. I pulled him into the house and we went to my room.**

"**How are you Bella?" he asked and a huge smile spread across my face.**

"**I'm good and you?" I asked. He grinned.**

"**I've been better, I really missed you." He said with a smile and my heart tightened. I knew Mike had feelings for me but I never shared those feelings. He was one of my best friends and he would never be anything else.**

"**I met someone," the words just slipped out of my mouth and as soon as I saw the hurt expression on his face I wanted to take the words back. **

"**I always knew you wouldn't be mine, I love you so much Bella and I just want you to be happy." He said with tear-filled eyes. I was shocked seeing Mike like this. I stood up and wrapped my arms around him. **

"**I'm sorry Mike, I just-"**

"**Don't say anything Bella, it's okay." He said and kissed me on my head. "I have to go. I'm leaving tomorrow Bella and it's a shame that I won't meet the guy that stole your heart." He whispered with a smile but it didn't reach his eyes. His blue eyes were filled with sadness. He left me his number and asked that I stay in touch which I gladly promised to. **

**I drove to Edward's and my heart fluttered at the thought of seeing him again. I know it's a bit late too be here; I've never been here at night and never met his parents or his siblings. He met Charlie though as he was spending most of his time at my house. **

**I was in deep thought when I walked past a window that revealed the inside of a room. I recognized Edward immediately and I couldn't help but frown because he looked so hurt, as if he was in so much pain and I can't begin to think what could have happened. That's when I saw her, the beautiful tall strawberry blonde who approached Edward and wrapped her arms around his neck in a very seductive way. I was waiting for Edward to push her away but instead he laid his head on her shoulder. I'm just over reacting, they're probably just friends like me and Mike, but then her lips crushed on his and again I waited for him to push her away but instead he pulled her closer and kissed her back. Tears sprung to my eyes and I ran back to my car as fast as my legs could carry me.**

**I felt so hurt, so…so…betrayed. I gave everything to him, everything and now…I shook my head to clear the painful thoughts and as I drove back to my home I thought about Mike. That's when I called him and he said I must come over to the hotel he is staying in. **

**I must have looked like shit because when Mike opened the door I saw the blood drain from his face as he turned pale, which was funny at that time because he already had a pale face. I explained everything to Mike and he was angry that Edward hurt me like this. **

"**Mike, I'm three months pregnant." I sobbed and his eyes widened.**

"**How could you be so stupid Bella?" he asked shocked. He didn't judge me and I get what he was saying, I was stupid.**

"**I didn't know because I still had my period, but I started throwing up a lot and felt light-headed all the time. So I went to a doctor this morning and he confirmed that I was indeed pregnant and the ultrasound showed that I was three months along. What am I going to do? Charlie's going to kill me."**

"**Come with me." He said and at first I shook my head. I could never do that to Mike; I could never use him like that.**

"**No Mike, I can-"**

"**Bella listen to me, I'll marry you and I'll be a father to your baby. I know you don't love me, but maybe in time you will besides, I've got a house and I'm doing really good with the law firm. I'll be good to you Bella." He promised. The more he explained his plans the more they made sense. I had to take his offer, I didn't have a choice. I can't face Charlie with this news and I won't humiliate myself by going back to Edward.**

"**Okay I'll marry you. Thanks for doing this Mike." I whispered with tears in my eyes. My heart is just bleeding right now from all the painful cuts Edward caused, and I can't help to wonder if I'll ever get over him. If this love I have for him in my heart will ever die, I sure hope so because it's too painful to even breathe without him. **

I had to pull over as the tears blurred my vision and I couldn't see in front of me. I sobbed loudly and cursed Edward for hurting me in the worst possible way. He was my first to everything; my first love, my first kiss and my…my first lover. Yeah I know I sound pathetic, here I was, eighteen years old and just graduated from school and never been kissed. To my defense, I never had time for that. I studied really hard and spent all my time in front of my books. I haven't decided what I wanted to do with my life yet so I got a part time job at the local newspaper for the time being. Little did I know that I'll never get my dreams fulfilled?

I parked the car and started unloading. I couldn't carry a lot because of the ribs that's still a little fragile at this moment.

"Rose, Hayley," I yelled when I walked through the kitchen door.

"Hey Bella. What's up?" she asked.

"Where's Hayley?" I asked when I only saw Rosalie.

"She's with Edward, he came by the house and announced that he was going for a game drive and Hayley begged him to take her with." She explained and I felt my heartbeat increase. It felt like my heart was pounding in my throat and I swallowed hard.

"He just took her with?" I asked in barely a whisper.

"Yup, why? Is that a problem?" she asked and I quickly shook my head. If he figures out that Hayley is his…he's going to be so pissed at me. Or will he? He left me for some strawberry blonde and didn't care about me, why would he care that he left me pregnant?

**Edward's POV**

I had to swallow a couple of times because of the little girl that was sitting next to me. She does remind me of Jade, just like Emmett said, and it hurts me more than words can say. She's too mature for her age if you ask me, but she's so bubbly and…like the sun. She fills me heart with warmth and I hate that she has this effect on me. I'm scared to death to open my heart and show love or affection because of the excruciating pain after your heart gets screwed over, is just too much to handle. But it's as if my heart can't block Hayley out.

"Can I call you Edward or do you prefer Uncle?" she asked out of the blue and I felt a smile form on my lips which actually reached my heart.

"I don't like Uncle, so call me Edward." I said honestly.

"I don't like Uncle either. Now I have three uncles that don't like the word uncle," she giggled and it sent my heart fluttering to hear the giggles of a little girl again.

"Who's the other two?" I asked curiously.

"Emmie and Jazzy." She grinned and looked proud of herself for coming up with those names. It sounded so girly and I had to keep myself from laughing out loud.

When I stopped at the river she jumped out of the Jeep and waited for me to come around the Jeep. She immediately placed her tiny, warm hand in mine and I felt my heart swell. I'm terrified for feeling this way, but my heart almost crave her warmness now. I know I'm probably heading for more heartache but at this moment I don't care. At this moment my heart feels warm again.

"Where's your girlfriend?" she asked out of the blue and I swallowed the smile away.

"I don't have one," I said honestly because I don't have one and I'm not looking for one right now.

"You're so pretty and you don't have a girlfriend?" she asked surprised and I laughed out loud for the term 'pretty'.

"I don't want a girlfriend Hayley," I said through my laughter. I heard her sigh and had to witness sadness cross her beautiful face. "What's wrong?" I asked her while bumping her shoulder playfully. We were sitting under a tree on the green grass by the river.

"My mommy needs a boyfriend, I think," she explained but I heard a lot of doubt in her sweet voice.

"Why do you think she needs a boyfriend? She has you and that's more than enough," I said. If I wanted to be honest to myself, I wanted to hear about Bella. I wanted to hear what her life was like and what she's been up to. I wanted to hear about Hayley's father…and I wanted to hear it from the source closest to Bella, her daughter. She knows Bella better than anyone on this earth I presumed.

"She's so sad all the time and I've noticed that you are sad too and I thought maybe you two could make each other happy." She said innocently. I thought it was actually cute that she wanted to look for a boyfriend for Bella, but if she only knew that if you're in so much pain, a relationship is the last thing on your mind.

"Hayley you seem to understand a lot of things that other kids your age doesn't so I'm going to explain something to you." I said and she nodded her head. "If someone is sad, really, really sad a boyfriend or girlfriend won't help to take that sadness away. They have to learn to deal with it on their own; it's the only way that they'll ever be happy again. If they rush into a relationship, they'll just end up hurting each other more. Do you understand what I'm saying?" I asked.

"Yup, but it's still hard seeing my mommy like that, although she seems happier now that we're here but still." She whispered. We were quiet for a while and Hayley gasped when she saw a herd of Impala's approaching the river to drink water. I couldn't take my eyes off of her; her eyes sparkled and she had the most beautiful smile on her face. She stared at the bucks without making a sound. If she reacted this way by just seeing a herd of Impala's, what would her reaction be when she sees the lions or the elephants?

"So when did your girlfriend leave?" she asked and I sighed. She's not going to drop this; she's so stubborn, just like her mother.

"I was married to her, but she didn't leave, she died in a car accident." I said without emotion. If I had any feelings for Tanya, they died when I caught her with another man. I heard Hayley gasp and when I looked at her; she had her little hand cover her mouth.

"I'm sorry that I pushed you; Mommy always says that I shouldn't be so nosy all the time." She apologized and explained in one sentence.

"Do you wanna know why I'm really so sad all the time?" I asked her and she quickly nodded her head. I chuckled before running my fingers through her beautiful hair.

"I had a beautiful little girl who would have turned six and my son would have turned three. They…died." I whispered and felt the tears burning my eyes. I was surprised when I heard a sniffling sound coming from Hayley and to see tears rolling down her cheeks.

"That is so sad. What happened?" she asked and the sadness in her voice almost made me break.

"There was a big truck in the middle of the road and their mommy couldn't see because it was raining and it was very dark. She crashed into the truck and they...they di…ed." My voice broke saying the last words.

I was actually telling someone what happened to my children. I'm talking about it and although it hurts like hell, it feels so good to talk about it. I haven't even noticed Hayley standing up, but she was in front of me and the next thing I knew she wrapped her tiny arms around my neck. My arms automatically wrapped around her and I felt her cradling herself onto my lap. The emotion that's going through my heart is unexplainable. I just know that this little girl has touched my heart and filled my heart with warmth. She brought a little love back into my heart and I can almost feel my heart beating normally again. I know I still have a way to go but this is a good start, I think.

"I'm so sorry you had to lose your family," she whispered and I smiled through my tears.

"Thank you Hayley and thank you for listening." I said while wiping my tears away. I reached for her cheek and wiped a tear away with my thumb. She looks so much like Bella and I had to close my eyes while I thought about her, so that Hayley wouldn't see the pain that flashed in my eyes. "Let's get back, your mommy's probably back and wondering where you are." I said and she nodded. We walked hand in hand back to the Jeep and I almost had a permanent smile on my face.

**Bella's POV**

I have just finished writing my feelings down on paper. This is what I do, this is my songs. Maybe if I start writing happier songs, someone might be interested. All my songs are filled with so much…agony and depression. My eyes scanned the music room, I really like this room; I feel alive in here. I took a seat behind the drum set and my mind wandered to my daughter.

I have made so many bad decisions in my life which affected Hayley in so many ways. I should have left that first night before she was born. I should have followed my heart and left, I would have spared both me and Hayley a lot of pain and suffering. I felt the warm tears roll over my cheeks and the all too familiar pain in my chest increased. How different my life could have been if Edward never left me. We could have been so happy; Hayley would have had a real father and maybe a proper childhood. She wouldn't have had all these burdens that she carries on her shoulders. She probably would have been a little girl who liked playing will dolls or whatever. But now, she's a little girl with constant worry in her eyes and sometimes I see the fear in her eyes, the same fear I have in mine.

"Do you play those?" his velvet voice startled me and I almost fell of the stool. "I'm sorry that I startled you, I thought you saw me," he quickly apologized.

"It's fine." I whispered while I felt my heart pound against my chest. I had to close my eyes and take a few deep breaths to calm down. "To answer your question, I do play but can't right now."

"Why?" he asked. I broke away from his eyes because it felt like he was seeing right through me.

"I have a few cracked ribs and it hurts just to lift my damn arm up." I explained and it actually felt good talking to Edward like this. It feels…normal.

"What other instruments do you play?" he asked but I saw that he wanted to ask me what happened? A smile formed on my lips knowing that he was actually curious and it took everything he had to not ask me that question. I could see the way his jaw tightened and how he clenched his fists.

"Piano and guitar," I said. He widened his eyes in surprise.

"What happened to your dreams Bella?" he asked and my head fell. I don't want him to see the disappointment in my eyes.

"I had to let go of them; besides that's all they were, stupid dreams. Hayley was my reality and I wouldn't trade her for any dream I had." I said with pride. As I spoke the words I knew they were true. No matter what happened or how fucked up life I had, I'll never regret having Hayley. I'll do it over again, if I had to choose.

"Just because you had Hayley didn't mean you had to let go of your dreams. A lot of people have kids and still follow their dreams," he said and I started laughing which sounded empty.

"Um sure, I guess I could have made time for that after a long night where I've been tied up like an animal and he cuts me with a razor blade on almost every part of my body," I sobbed and was starting to get hysterical. "And just as the blood starts flowing out of the cuts I have to have sex in the sickest possible way with a monster. It brought him so much pleasure," I cried out and before I knew what happened, I was in Edward's arms crying my heart out. "I could hardly get out of bed in the mornings Edward; I didn't have the energy to chase some dream." I cried. I don't know what brought this on but I have exposed myself completely. Not that that was the worst he did to me, that was the usual routine. It's when he wanted to try new things that I got really freaked out. My relationship with Mike is out in the open now.

"Shhh Bella, don't cry. You're safe now Bella, you're safe" he kept repeating over and over while gently stroking my hair. For the first time in six years I felt safe because I was in his arms. The fear almost disappeared while he's holding me and I wished that I could stay here forever, in Edward's arms.

I felt so ashamed now, that I have no clue how to face him. It was totally unnecessary to lash out on him like that. How was he supposed to know what I've been going through? I cleared my throat and tried to step out of his arms but his arms tightened. The pain in my side increased but I didn't make a sound, too afraid that he would let go.

"I'm so sorry for that, it was so unnecessary and I shouldn't have taken it out on you. It's not your fault and-"

"Bella please don't apologize to me right now." He whispered into my hair and I heard him sigh, "I just heard the most brutal thing that happened to you and I'm beyond furious and hurt at the same time. I can't begin to imagine what you've been through." He whispered. I can't see his eyes but his voice is trembling and I feel like shit for laying this on him.

"I don't know why I told you that. I don't want my life to be a burden on your shoulders as well, I already fucked my daughter's life up-"

"Bella stop this right now, you're daughter loves you more than anything in this world and as far as I can see, she is not screwed up. She's a little mature for her age but that's about it. You have done a really good job with her and you're an excellent mother. Don't ever doubt that." He said and I wish I could see his eyes.

"Mommy!" my daughter's sweet voice yelled and Edward let go of me immediately. I wiped the evidence of my tears away and smiled before I looked at her.

"Hallo my sweet girl,"

"Rosie said to tell you that dinner is ready." She grinned and I wondered what went through that little head of hers. Edward followed me and Hayley to the dining table and to my surprise he sat down next to me. Rosalie made beef stroganoff with rice and a green salad. Rose's cooking was the best and I can now understand why Emmett loves food so much.

**Edward's POV**

I don't even know what I'm eating. I keep seeing images of Bella's bloody body in front of me and I feel nauseous. It's probably the sickest thing I've heard in my life. How did that man, no that monster, get it over his heart to hurt Bella in such a sick way? Who in their right minds would want to hurt her? I'm still pissed that she left me, but she didn't deserve to be treated in such a brutal way.

I was busy sipping on the red wine when Hayley asked me, "When are we going for another game drive, Eddie?" It was at this moment that I had wine inside my mouth and when I heard what she called me, I spewed the wine all over the table as I was busy chocking. Everything happened so fast; Emmett doubled over in laughter while Bella and Rose slapped my back so hard that my eyes almost popped out and through my coughs I saw Emmett and Hayley high-fiving each other. After I got myself under control I narrowed my eyes at Emmett's grinning face.

"Welcome to the club Eddie." He said and laughed again. I swear he put Hayley up to this. My eyes quickly focused on her and saw that her whole body was shaking from laughter. I hate the name Eddie but seeing the happiness on her face makes me tolerate the name.

"If that's the reaction my name has on you sweet girl, you can call me Eddie anytime." I said and it was as if I poured a bucket of cold water on Emmett. Now his eyes almost popped and his jaw dropped in surprise. I started laughing and the looks on Rose and Emmett's faces were priceless. Yeah, I know I haven't been doing that lately, laughing I mean, but their making feel like shit.

"What the fu-"

"Emmett, your language." Bella warned just as Rose smacked the back of Emmett's head.

"I mean" he rephrased while rolling his eyes, "what have you done with the real Edward?"

"Ow" Emmett yelled and looked at Hayley. "What was that for?" he asked innocently.

"For ruining the moment," she said while shrugging her shoulders. She tried to wink at me and I chuckled. Hayley has done so much in my life in only a couple of hours that I can't imagine life without her or being apart from her. Bella's eyes were filled with amusement and even she looked better than a few minutes ago. It's just so amazing how this little girl brought sunshine into my life where I've only known storms for so long. She probably brought sunshine into Bella's life as well and is probably the only reason why Bella can still smile or…live for that matter.

After dinner Bella and Hayley went to bed and I returned to the music room. I noticed a book on the table and when I turned to the first page I recognized Bella's handwriting. This must be her lyrics. I turned to the last page she used and read through the lines.

"_**It's eating me away…it's rotting in my mind, it's like a cancer…Is there anything, anything at all to numb the nothingness? I need a reason to breathe, it's eating me away." **_

"_**It nibbles at my brain...The question of my existence, and the matter of pain. I shake my fist…I shake my fist at the cosmos and my insignificance. I need a reason to breathe, it's eating me away. Save me from my rage and my humanity. I'm more nothing than being…is this my legacy. Feel it eating me away!"**_

"_**All that I am…all that I want…all that I lack; come and save me"**_

I wish I had the strength to save her, but I'm just as weak as she is now. I wish I could take her pain away and every bad memory that that animal etched into her brain. Even if there's a possibility for me and Bella to work through our pasts, it's too late for us. Six years is a long time and so much has happened. She'll always be the only woman who owns my heart but I don't even know if she feels the same way.

I can't think about that now; I have to work on my own problems. I have to start living my life again no matter how painful it might be.

**Bella's POV**

"How was your day with Edward baby?" I asked her in curiosity. She was lying on her stomach while facing me.

"I like Edward," she simply said and I sighed.

"What did you talk about?"

"Mommy, guess what?" she suddenly asked and I chuckled.

"No, what?"

"I saw a herd of Impala's and did you know that people also refer to them as the Macdonald's buck?" she asked excitedly.

"Oh and why is that?" I asked curiously.

"If you look at their behinds, the black hair-line forms an 'M' just like the Macdonald's sign." She chuckled and I wanted to shed tears of joy for seeing my daughter so happy.

"Mommy did you know that Edward was married?" she asked me while she yawned and I felt my heart tighten. I assumed that much, I mean he wouldn't have been single and he had that blonde woman in his arms, six years ago. I waited for Hayley to continue with what she was saying but there was only silence. When I looked down she was sound asleep. A smile formed on my lips while I bent my head and kissed her head. "Goodnight my angel," I whispered into her ear. I heard her mumbling something like 'you too' and I laughed softly. She's got the cutest little mouth especially when she sleeps and it pouts in a certain way.

My mind kept wandering back to Edward and what has happened tonight between the two of us. I still don't know why I blurted that memory out and why I lashed out like that. I'm usually in control of my emotions and never expose myself like that. I never wanted anyone to know that part of my life; Hayley knew about the beatings but she doesn't know about the brutal stuff he did to me at night, when she was asleep. That's the stuff that haunts me in my dreams, that's the stuff I don't think I'll be able to get over.

For six years now, I've hated sex. Having sex meant going through a lot of pain and to…bleed. Just the thought of having sex terrifies the shit out of me. The simplest touch will make me nauseous.

I remember Edward's soft touches and his gentle kisses and how his lips burned my skin with passion. He made me feel special and treated my body with respect. I had to hold onto those memories with everything I had. Sometimes they kept me going when Mike was being really _adventurous._

I'm just so relieved to be out of Mike's claws and to be here, so far away from him. I'm starting my new life and I have to start healing. I have to take the first step, although I think I already did that with Edward tonight. It's a step in the right direction.

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><p><strong>The song's name – Eating me away by Skillet!<strong>

**Please review!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. Songs are owned by 12 Stones and Bon Jovi.**

**Kgunter34, Isabela is Online, Branik, Robsten4ever, Theresa24 and whatwouldjesusdo, and the one review without a name, thank you. I loved hearing from you.**

**RobSten4ever – haha, I liked your review…it was interesting. Here's the thing, Edward didn't believe Tanya and after he saw Mike with Bella he went home to calm down to talk to Bella. Bella left, but you're right she won't forgive him easily or trust him for that matter… not because of what he did but because of what happened to her…thank you for your review, I loved it! And no, I don't think you are heartless. **

**Whatwouldjesusdo – it's awesome hearing from you again. Thank you for reading this story as well.**

**Ah and Theresa24 thank you so much for reading this story as well, you inspired me through a lot of 'Goodbye Lullaby' and I know you'll do the same in this story. **

**Have you read ****TOO LITTLE, TOO LATE**** by capitalab? I read it over the weekend and couldn't stop. Really awesome story.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 5 – Why is it so hard, no damn near impossible letting you go?<strong>

**Edwards' POV**

Have you ever felt the desire to go back in time? I mean a real fucking desire; like an addict's desire towards drugs or alcohol. Well I have that desire inside of me. I have this longing to go back in time, six years ago, and change every fucking thing that happened. Question is. Would I change the fact that I met Bella and fell in love with her? Or. Would I change how I dealt with the fact that she had another man in her bedroom? Why do I feel that the answers to these questions are so fucking important as if my very life depended on it?

For the first time in so long the fucking past haunts me again. I haven't thought about this for so long and it's quite fucking painful to think about it now. I have so many questions but no fucking answers and to say I feel frustrated is an understatement.

My mind keeps wandering back to last night when Bella had a breakdown. I keep seeing her brutalized, fucked up body in front of me and, although I haven't seen her body, I'm imagining the worst. It makes me sick to my stomach and to have some sort of idea what she's been through the last six years is just killing me.

This is where the question of, what if, comes in. What if she never left? What if she married me? What if? What if? What fucking if? I run my fingers through my, already messed up hair in frustration.

To think the least of my problems were Tanya, cheating on me while Bella had to fight for her and her daughters' life.

I never loved Tanya, _never._ I cared for her, obviously, she's the mother of my children for crying out loud but that's where it ends. The sex wasn't even that good, not like it was with…I closed my eyes at the memory of Bella's silky soft, warm, beautiful body. Her skin burning my fingertips as I run them over her entire body …

I groaned at myself, hands still locked in my hair. What the fuck am I doing to myself thinking about that? Have I not learned anything? It's dangerous fucking territory and I'm supposed to stay away from that. I need a distraction, and after that memory, it's gonna have to be a good distraction.

Her music book catches my eye when I turn back into my room and walked past my couch. _Shit, _I totally forgot about this. What if she looks for it? There I go with the, what if, again. She will look for it, I mean it's her music book and from the looks of it, she uses it a lot. I turn to the first page and I realized, for the first time, that Bella dated the lyrics. The first one is dated the day she left, 1st of April 2004, and my heart aches just reading the _name_ of the lyric – Arms of a stranger. Out of curiosity I start reading through the lines.

"_**I came home tonight to see you, couldn't wait to hold you…You're going away for so long. But as I walked past your window…my heart was shattered…to find you're not alone."**_

My mind is screaming for me to stop reading but my heart desires to read more about this stranger.

"_**When will I break into pieces? It's your mistake…I finally see that, everything I thought was you, was a lie…Now you left love dying…it's in the arms of a stranger."**_

Who the hell is this stranger that she's writing about? It can't be about me, I never cheated on her…I swallowed hard when I remembered that night when Tanya kissed me and I kissed her back for a second. I felt like an ass for doing that. The guilt about that night never left my heart.

"_**The days just seem so much longer now that I'm without you…It never seems to get better. I'll try to hold it together…and I can't wait for the day that you fade…from my memory. I came home tonight to see you…couldn't wait to hold you…You're in the arms of a stranger!"**_

I threw the book back onto the couch as I groaned in frustration. I'm more confused than I was ten minutes ago. She wrote that the same day she left, why?

I decided to get dressed and stop worrying about Bella's book and what's inside. It will drive me insane if I have to read anymore because it just adds to the fucking list of questions I have.

Everyone was already seated at the kitchen table and I noticed that Hayley's whole face lit up when I walked through the door. If she only knew what that action did to my heart and how good it felt to see her beautiful face light up. Already I can't imagine being in this house without Hayley.

"Morning Eddie," she said and I cringed at the name. It sounded so awful but I did give her permission to call me that. I felt my lips form into a smile, and sure as hell, it touched my fucking heart. I could feel my heart swell as I took Hayley's presence in. She sure knows how to light up a room with warmth and…love. Yes, I said it, love.

"Morning sweet angel. How did you sleep?" I asked and ignored the surprised looks on Em and Rose's faces. I wish they would stop doing that; that shit is just fucking annoying.

"I slept like a little baby," she grinned and I smiled. "And you?" she asked before she brought the slice of toast to her mouth and took a bite. Bella's head is stuck in her plate of food and she hasn't looked up since I walked through the door. I turned my attention back to Hayley and ignored Bella.

"I've been up most of the night, had a lot of work to do. But the little sleep I got was more than good," I winked at her but the flash of sadness that crossed her eyes didn't go by unnoticed. I'll ask her about it later; it's obvious that she doesn't want to talk about it, because she's hiding her feelings now.

That was the first morning that we _didn't_ have breakfast in silence, well except for Bella. We talked and joked around and every time that I would laugh at something Hayley says Rose and Emmett's jaws would drop.

Haley excused herself to get ready for her first lesson of the day with Rose. Rose was about to follow but I cleared my throat.

"Sit your ass down," I said while kicking her chair out from under the table. She widened her eyes at me but I guess when she saw the expression on my face, she sat down.

"What the fuck is your problem?" I asked Emmett and Rose. Emmett's eyes filled with anger.

"You don't speak to her like that-"he said beyond furious.

"Look. I know I have been a pain lately, but I'm trying to change-"I started saying. Rosalie crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes.

"A pain is a fucking understatement Edward, don't you think? We had to deal with your shit for six months now and yeah I get the whole thing, you're hurt, beyond hurt but we only know the cold, distant, selfish, bitter Edward now." She lashed out. "Forgive us for being surprised when you laugh; just seeing a smile on that face of yours is a little weird. Here you are, all smiles and those eyes of yours are showing life again; it's freaking us out because we don't know when to expect the fucking breakdown again." She hissed, but I didn't miss the sadness in her voice. I have put them through hell and I feel like a little shit for doing this to them.

"I'm so sorry Rose; I never stopped to think what I'm doing to you guys." I said.

"We're sorry for acting so weird. I'm really happy that you're living again Ed, I'm just a little worried about Hayley…" Emmett whispered.

"Why?" I asked immediately. I will never do anything to hurt her.

"No, you're jumping to conclusions…I just mean, you know she's not Jade right?" he asked unsure of himself now. I know what he's afraid of and I can assure him that I'm not insane.

"I know that Em, look Hayley reminds me of Jade in more ways than one, but I know she's not my daughter." I said. Our heads snapped up when Bella's fork fell onto her plate. I have completely forgotten that she was still here. Her hand is shaking uncontrollably and her brown eyes are filled with fear. What the hell happened now?

"Bella are you okay?" Emmett asked and even Bella's lips quivered.

"Who is Jade?" she asked simply.

"My daughter," I answered quickly. She looked down again and I sighed. It's really crazy to see Bella this way, she used to be so open, so full of life and fearless; nothing could ever get her down. Her hands almost shake permanently and fear lives in her eyes now and it's bugging the hell out of me. To know this is the work of a fucking monster.

"You have a daughter?" she asked but didn't meet my eyes.

"Had. I had a daughter and a son." I whispered and excused myself before my vulnerability could show in front of her. It still hurts to talk about them and I can already feel the tears burning my eyes.

**Bella's POV**

"What does he mean he had a daughter and a son?" I asked Emmett when Edward's figure disappeared from the kitchen. Emmett cleared his throat and sadness filled his eyes.

"They died in a car accident, six months ago. It was the day after Christmas and their mother was driving the car. They died on the scene." He whispered and I heard myself sobbing.

"That's awful, just so…horrible and sad." I whispered through my tears. It's no wonder he looks so bitter and…heartbroken most of the times.

"Pft, if sad is the correct word," Rosalie huffed. She can be such a bitch sometimes but I chose to ignore her.

"How old were they?' I asked. If anything would happen to Hayley…I can't even think about it. I would surely die; she's my very life, my very existence, the very air that I breathe.

"Jade would have turned six and MJ would have turned three," he explained.

"Wait, what?" I yelled. "When is her birthday?" Emmett looked surprised, but I didn't give a shit. Something's not adding up.

"Um…the 8th of January 2005" he said quickly. I quickly made the calculations and felt sick. She was born nine months after I left Seattle. He screwed me over and left me pregnant and started a new family with some strawberry blonde. How could he have done this to me? I excused myself before storming out of the kitchen.

I don't know why this comes as a surprise to me; I did saw him kissing that girl, so I knew he found someone else. While he had his own happy family, I had to fight to fucking survive. I had to fight to protect _our _daughter. Tears streamed down my face while I thought about Hayley; I tried so hard to protect her, I tried to give her a life she deserved by marrying Mike, I never thought for one second that I was marrying a screwed up monster. I just wanted my daughter to have stability and a family…

Off all the days that I had to feel suffocated, my heart chose today. I have so much work to do and I can't afford to leave this office right now, but I can't stand these four walls anymore. I need to get some air, I need to breathe. I stormed out of the office and ignored Jessica's calls. She's been treating me like shit because she thinks I'm after Edward; _pft _if only she knew that I already had him and I'm not fucking interested again.

Cullen's Reserve is expecting twenty guests today, so we're going to be really busy for the next few days. My heart ached thinking about my daughter. I'm not going to see much of her this week and it kills me.

"Hey, hey, who is this delightful, gorgeous looking angel?" I heard a husky voice ask someone but I ignored them. I'm not interested in their conversation but when I heard _his _velvety voice, I turned around.

He was a very tall, very muscular, very sexy man. His eyes met my gaze and I stared back into two beautiful chocolate brown eyes. A smile spread across his face to show off his white teeth. His whole face was lit up by his smile and I can see just by looking into his brown eyes, that he doesn't know what hurt is. He is unfamiliar with pain. I guess he lives in this perfect little world and believes in happily ever after's. They approached me and I noticed that he had a very dark skin, guessing that he is a Native American. He's still sexy as hell, not like Edward though, but close enough. His short spikey black hair rounds his face of and suits him.

Edward's jaw was clenched and he looked furious. Why the hell would he feel like this? I stared at Edward, waiting for him to introduce me to this man, but he just stared at me in anger. I cleared my throat and stretched my hand out to the man.

"Yeah, um, Bella Swan." I introduced myself and as his warm hand met mine I felt warmth fill my heart. I quickly shook the feeling off. I can't have these feelings, ever. I can't and won't let anyone into my heart; it's impossible after what Mike did to me.

"Jacob Black, and it's a real pleasure meeting you." He grinned and I noticed how Edward's body stiffened. What the hell is his problem?

"So you're the new PA?' he asked and chuckled, "The previous one didn't last that long," he snickered and Edward's face turned pale but also annoyed. I frowned and Jacob took it the wrong way; so he felt the need to explain everything in detail.

"The poor girl had the hots for the main man here," he said while slapping Edward's back playfully, "but little did she know that our Ed over here hates woman. Most of the men cried when Edward fired her, because she used to dress in very, very short miniskirts and tops that showed more cleavage than necessary. She looked more like a slut than a PA, but it was still a good view nonetheless. This one time-"

"Don't you have work to do?" Edward interrupted him but Jacob only chuckled.

"No bro, you and me were supposed to have a meeting." He said and rolled his eyes. He is definitely not catching Edward's drift so he continues. "This one time; Ed and I were on our way to a meeting in his office and boy oh boy, shit hit the fan when we opened the door and there on his table, was Irina completely naked, wearing only one of Ed's tie's." he explained and doubled over in laughter. That was way too much information for me. My cheeks burned and I knew I was blushing crimson red. This guy is so open and doesn't give a shit about someone else's humiliation. He turns it into a big joke and I thought it was rude. If he could tell this story to me, whom he only met five minutes ago, he could tell it to the rest of the world.

"Um Jacob, as much as I'd like to listen to the crock of shit your spitting, I have work to do." I spat at him and didn't miss the grin that spread across Edward's face. Jacob stared back at me, completely dumbfound.

"What?" he asked and Edward chuckled.

"I'm not interested in Irina or whoever the hell she was. I thought you were being rude to blabber that shit to me. Don't you have any respect for your employer?" I hissed, standing with my hands on my hips. Yup, Jacob turned pale and all the sparkle flew out of his eyes.

I felt…sorry for Edward. _Huh?_ I don't like the turn of events and I really need to get a freaking grip on my emotions or heart or what the hell ever it is that causes me to react this way. I don't want Edward thinking that I just stood up for him, but it's too late I was already furious with Jacob and I can't hide it after what I just said. I'll deal with it later; I just have to be more careful around Edward.

"Of course I do, he is one of my best friends. It's just a funny story," he muttered and I chuckled.

"It can't be that funny, because I'm not laughing." I said and turned back to the office. Any friend of Edward's is a no-no for me. They're all the same and I don't want anything to do with them. And besides, Jacob didn't make a very good first impression; referring to the previous PA as a slut shocked the hell out of me. _Come one Bella_, if she's capable of doing all those things, what do you think she is? It's hard to think that Edward turned her down, I mean, nothing stopped him six, well technically one month ago, it was seven years ago. I haven't even realized it until this morning, after my chat with Emmett about Edward's children.

Edward was in his office when I barged in. He looked up and when he saw it was me, he looked back down on his computer screen.

"Why are you hiding here?" I asked bluntly. I want to know what happened to this man; Jasper claims he is a famous rock-star, can't be that famous, cause I've never heard of him. Maybe I've been so caught up in my own shit that I haven't followed him.

"I'm working Bella, I'm not hiding." He answered. I sighed.

"I mean, why are you hiding here in South Africa, on this damn reserve?" I rephrased my question and I saw him closing his eyes.

"Bella. I don't have time for this now, we're expecting guests and we have to prepare for their arrival-"

"Jasper said that you're a famous rock-star, is that true?" I asked ignoring his pleading eyes for me to shut-up.

"It's true, but-"

"Why haven't I heard of you?" I asked, rudely interrupting him again. Annoyance crossed his face, but I couldn't care less.

"I used another name." he simply answered. I waited for him to say more, but he went on with his work.

I groaned. "What name did you use?" I finally caved as my curiosity won.

"Masen." He simply stated and I huffed.

"Do I have to drag everything out of you?" I asked in annoyance.

"I answer what you ask? That's it." He grinned.

"Wait, you're Masen; _the _Masen?" I asked.

"I don't know what you mean by _the _Masen, but yeah, I guess I am. And before you ask anything else; I decided to take a break six months ago." He said with a little sadness in his voice, "Now if you don't mind I want to get back to work."

I left Edward's office and returned to my own. I can't believe that he actually made his dreams come true…he became a famous rock musician, just like he used to dream about. It shouldn't come as a surprise to me though. I always knew Edward would do it. He can do anything he sets his mind to and I always had faith in him. Well for the four months that we were together actually. I want to kick myself on the ass for the pride I feel nesting in my heart.

So he took a break six months ago, which means it was after his family's deaths. I can't help for feeling sorry for him. It's horrible what happened to his family and I can't begin to imagine what he must have gone through.

But wow, he is Masen; one of my favorite musicians. I don't have any of his albums but I've heard a lot of his songs over the radio. His music, sometimes, inspired me.

The day dragged along and as for Jacob; he blushed every time he saw me and didn't attempt to make conversation throughout the day. I felt like a bitch for the way I've treated Jacob, but in my defense, he was being rude. I could have handled it better though, maybe more politely.

It was past six in the evening when Emmett arrived with the guests. He looked so exhausted and I kind of felt sorry for him. We've been working really hard today and I think that all of us are exhausted. I know I am and I miss Hayley. I helped Edward with the guests, as he believes that he should personally welcome them. Unlike Jacob, Edward believes in first impressions and he wants his guests to feel welcome.

It was past nine when we got home. I am beyond tired. We had dinner with the guests and afterwards we had a drink at the bar. I'm just glad that I'm not in Jacob's shoes; he has to get up at four in the morning to take the guests for a game drive. They are having coffee at sunrise on some mountain or something. I was too tired to pay attention to anything.

Jacob hasn't spoken to me since our incident and I was fine with that. The last thing I need now is for a man to chase after me and from the sounds of it, a horny man. The way he spoke about Irina was disrespectful to say the least and I don't need another man like that.

Hayley was already in bed and sound asleep when I walked into my room. She looked so peaceful, so happy. I bent down and placed a kiss on her head. That action caused my ribs to scream at me and I sighed. How long will this hurt?

**Edward's POV**

Bella went straight to bed when we arrived home. Not that I can blame her, we had a really hard day and if I'm this exhausted then I don't even wanna know how she must be feeling. Plus she missed Hayley today, it was written all over her face. I felt guilty for keeping her so late, but it's part off the job.

My mind keeps wandering back to when she told Jake what she thought about his vulgar jokes. I was ready to kick his fucking ass, but Bella handled the situation quite well. To say it pissed her off was an understatement. She thought he was repulsive, it was written all over her face. Now Jake was pissed at Bella; he is not used to girls treating him like that. Jake has never been this quiet and I couldn't help but laugh at the expression that was plastered on his face all day long.

I can already feel a difference in my moods and I owe it all to Hayley and Emmett of course. I wonder what Emmett told Bella this morning after I left the table. Surely he told her about Jade and MJ. She never talked about it though, the whole day, she just pushed me about my music career.

After Jade and MJ died, I couldn't force myself to sing. It tore my heart out every time I started singing. Their laughing faces would appear in my thoughts and my heart would start pounding against my ribcage which was pretty fucking painful.

I suddenly felt the urge to go into my music room and sing, sing my fucking heart out. Not for my children, but for Bella who still owns my damn heart. I grabbed my music book and ran to the music room. I wanted to sing the song I composed after Bella left me and just before I married Tanya.

My heart started beating frantically as I took a seat behind my piano. It's been six months but it still feels like yesterday when I last sat behind a piano. Jade's musical laughter plays over in my mind. My fingers are trembling where they rest on the white keys of the piano. I closed my eyes to calm my frantic heartbeat. How I miss them so much.

My fingers trailed through the white keys, playing the intro of the song. The music harmonized with my voice and it felt so good to sing again. It touched my heart in a way that I thought was nearly impossible.

"_**It ain't no fun lying down to sleep…and there ain't no secrets left for me to keep. I wish the stars up in the sky, would all just call in sick and the clouds would take the moon out, on some one-way trip"**_

"_**I drove all night down streets that wouldn't bend, but somehow they drove me back here once again. To the place I lost at love and the place I lost my soul. I wish I'd just burn down this place that I called home. It would all have been so easy…if you'd only made me cry and told me how you're leaving me…to some organ grinder's lullaby"**_

"_**It's hard, so hard – it's tearing out my heart…it's hard letting you go"**_

It really feels as if my heart's being tore out. I've longed for Bella for so long now, now she's here and nothing…I don't have the courage to talk to her about that time when she broke my heart into a million pieces. When she left, she left me so numb.

"_**Now the sky, it shines a different kind of blue…and the neighbor's dog don't bark like he used to. Well – me, these days, I just miss you – it's the nights that I go insane. Unless you're coming back for me…that's one thing I know that won't change"**_

"_**It's hard, so hard – it's tearing out my heart…it's hard letting you go"**_

"_**Now some tarot card shark said I'll draw you a heart, and we'll find you somebody else new…but I've made my last trip to those carnival lips…when I bet all that I had on you"**_

The tears rolled down my cheeks. Every fucking emotion that I thought was gone made its way to the surface and I don't know if I should be happy or pissed. I love Bella, I have always loved Bella; although she broke me, I love her.

There were days that I wanted to take a gun and put it against the temple of my head and pull the trigger. There were days that I was so depressed that I could hardly get out of bed. There were days that I was a constant drunk and had a constant hangover. But hey, life couldn't get worse than this. Or so I thought.

"You have a beautiful voice," her sweet voice brought me out of my own thoughts. I felt exposed; my face was stained with tears and she heard the one song I never made public. It was my secret song. I met her gaze and couldn't figure out what she was feeling. She's really good with hiding her feelings.

"Thanks," I said.

"That song…wow, it was filled with pain and you made the pain come alive. I felt everything." She whispered with tear-filled eyes.

"I wrote it after you left," I said. _Fuck. _Have you ever said something and as soon as the words left your mouth you wanted to grab the sentence and force it back into your mouth? Well this was one of those fucking moments. As soon as those words left my mouth I wanted to force them back into my mouth. Shock crossed her face and her eyes widened.

"Why?" she asked in surprise. What the fuck? Why the shock and surprise? When I pledged my love to this woman over and over again, I meant every word. How can she stand there and act surprised that I had a difficult time after she left.

"Never mind," I sighed.

"I can't believe that you felt any kind of pain after I left; since _you _were the reason I left." She confessed in anger. The innocent Bella of a minute ago was gone. My head snapped up as I went through her words again but before I could ask her about it she stormed off. I hate when they do that. Drop a bomb and before it fucking explodes they leave.

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><p><strong>I'm sorry that I ended the chapter here, I'm just not sure if I want them finding out about what happened 6, now 7 years ago. I don't know if it's too soon. Review and share your thoughts and I'll base the next chapter on the outcome of all the reviews. Thank you for all the support.<strong>

**Songs names; 'arms of a stranger' by 12 stones. You'll notice, if you know the band and the song, that I changed a word or two off the lyrics.**

**Other song is; '(it's hard) letting you go' by Bon Jovi.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters!**

**Twithish, Kgunter34, Isabela is Online, Natsar, Shannon Amoroso, theresa24, cullengirl08, whatwouldjesusdo and BellaCullen060: thank you for ALL your reviews. I just love how you guys share your thoughts with me. This chapter is dedicated to every single one of you! Enjoy and remember to review!**

***If you haven't read "****She is his only need****" by ****SuddenlySandi****…and you're looking for angst and hurt and romance…go ahead and read this story. There's a totally different side to ALL the characters and it's not the usual story that you are used to. There's a sequel to this story "All that I am"!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 6 – Truths revealed<strong>

**Edward's POV**

I ran after her and before she could open the kitchen door to escape I gripped her by her wrists and dragged her back to the music room.

"You don't accuse me of something and storm off." I hissed furiously. "Now, tell me why I made you leave? What could I have possibly done to deserve that kind of treatment from the woman I loved more than anything in this world?" Her eyes were filled with tears and as soon as those tears flowed down her cheeks, new ones formed and followed.

"You never loved me Edward. I was just another toy to you." She cried and I must admit that her words cut deep, all the way to the fucking core.

"What?" I hissed. She can't be serious. But her expression told me that she's very serious.

"Yeah, I mean how much could you have loved me if you had another woman in your room and kissed her?" she cried in sarcasm. I felt the blood drain from my face as I realized that Bella must have seen Tanya kissing me that night.

"Bella," I forced out, "Please…just please tell me you didn't shatter my heart into a million pieces because of a meaningless kiss. Tell me you didn't leave me without a fucking word because of _that?_"

Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped.

"Your heart shattered? What about me Edward? What about my heart?" she cried. None of this was making sense and my head was spinning from all the confusion.

"Just answer the damn question Bella."

"Of course I left after I saw that. You kissed another woman Edward, I don't know how you'll see it, but in my eyes that was called cheating. Hell yeah, I left." She sneered. I was so angry, no I was beyond angry, I was fucking livid.

"It's too bad you didn't stay long enough though, because you would have seen me push her away. You would have seen me throw her out of my house Bella." I yelled with tears in my eyes.

"Edward, I saw you kissing her back. I saw you pulling her closer-"

"For a second Bella…one second. My heart was torn when I came from your house and saw you with another man. Tanya was there and she came onto me, I lost it for a second before I realized what I was doing and pushed her away."

"Um I'm…confused. When did you see me with another man?" she asked. I sighed loudly and tried to calm down.

"Look, this fighting isn't getting us anywhere. Why don't we start from the beginning? I'll tell you my side of the story and then you do the same." I suggested. "Then we can answer questions." She just nodded her head.

"Tanya came to my house and accused you of being with another man. Of course I didn't believe her, but if I have to be completely honest to myself and to you, there was a little doubt or else I wouldn't have gone to your house to check on you. Anyways, when I got to your house I saw you standing in your room and some blonde guy were with you. You were in his arms Bella. I drove back to my house to calm down before I could confront you about it." I sighed. "I must admit that at this point my heart was already fucked. I expected the worst to happen and I think I already prepared my heart into losing you. I mean I already thought I lost you to this blonde guy, I never dreamed that I was never going to see you again." I admitted and I remember the excruciating pain as if it was yesterday. I was broken, completely broken. Bella's face was stained with tears and the pain in her eyes is enough to almost kill me.

"Tanya was still at my house, waiting for me. She played her role as the concerning friend very well." I said in anger as I remembered that night. "She pulled me into her arms and as devastated as I was, I let her. When Tanya started kissing me, I admit, I did kiss her back. Bella I swear to you that it didn't even last five seconds. Your eyes, filled with love for me, danced in front of me and at that moment I pushed her away. I literally threw her out of my parents' house." I sighed. "Obviously too late." I added.

Bella was crying uncontrollably. I couldn't contain myself any longer. I pulled her into my arms and was relieved that she didn't push me away. I needed her now as much as she probably needed me. My hand gently rubbed her back over and over again. Tears of regret, tears of anger and tears of pain streamed down my face. I waited patiently for her to tell me her story all the while I'm crying my fucking eyes out. I lost the love of my life because of a misunderstanding; yeah I had some fault there, but still. It could have been sorted out if we could have acted like adults.

Bella let go of me and walked to the other side of the room. My arms felt cold without her in them and the emptiness was beyond painful. Her lips were still quivering and I could see that she was still holding tears back. She looks devastated, not that I can blame her. The feeling is so fucking mutual.

"The man you saw with me was my childhood friend, Mike. He went away to law school and I haven't seen him in over a year. So he came by to say hello. I was just so happy to see him and was overwhelmed with joy. I told him about you and everything. He didn't take it very well because he always had this thing for me but I never felt anything more than friendship towards him." She whispered with a trembling voice. Her hands were shaking and she tried to keep them busy by playing with the hem of her shirt.

"I wanted to see you one last time before you left. I remember that I felt extremely sad that you would be leaving and I wouldn't see you for a while. Plus I was nervous for being at your house so late. I was a bit freaked at what you would say about it."

"I walked past your bedroom window and saw you in the corner. I smiled at the sight of you; you always had a way to make my heart flutter in very extreme ways. Imagine the shock when I saw this blonde chick wrapping her arms around you, supposed to be my man…and you…you clung to her as if your life depended on it. Then…then you kissed and that was my limit. I ran as fast as I could back to my car." She cried and I silently cursed Tanya for being there that night. She fucked my whole life up. Well except for giving birth to my children, that was probably the best thing she ever did for me.

"I was beyond broken Edward. The pain I felt…well there's not enough words to explain it to you."

I waited for her to continue, but she didn't and I decided that this was where the questionnaire should start. I still need answers to a few questions. I mean, I was still there. I waited. She left; she believed the obvious and left without a word.

"Where did you go?" I asked without emotion. I guess I wanted to know the hardest question first.

"I went to Mike's hotel and cried my heart out. He asked me to marry him and…I said yes." She blurted out and I felt shocked. I knew she was married and everything. But she agreed to marry a guy the same day she left me.

"You did what?" I hissed.

"I thought I lost you forever Edward. I knew I would never feel for anyone what I felt for you. So I settled for second best, _pft, _if that's what you can even call Mike. I thought he would help me forget about you, forget about the pain." She sobbed. When I thought I was asking the hardest question first, I never thought it will be this excruciating. She didn't even wait. Hayley is six, of course she didn't wait. I should have known this.

"You didn't wait either. Your daughter would have been six which means-"

"Three days after you left, I started drinking…a lot. I was drunk constantly. Anyways, Tanya came over and suggested that she relieve some of my pain." I started explaining myself. Bella's eyes told me that she thought I was full of shit.

"Look I know booze is not an excuse but Bella, I was literally so drunk that I couldn't even stand up without falling over my own fucking feet. I don't even remember the night with Tanya or how the hell she got me _hard _for that matter. It's a complete fucking blur." I sighed. "Once again, I threw her out of my house. I started looking for you but didn't succeed and now I know why. You were married and I was searching for a Swan. Through my heartache and constant drinking I was a complete fucking mess."

"I regretted that night with Tanya more than anything. Four months later she made her appearance once again, only this time with some rather shocking news. She was four months pregnant. Until that moment I regretted sleeping with Tanya. I did the right thing and married Tanya."

"I remember when I held Jade in my arms for the first time; I never thought that that amount of love was possible for a human being. I loved her so much, she was everything to me. And the one thought that crossed my mind was; how could I have regretted sleeping with Tanya? If I could have that night over I'll definitely do it again." I whispered with tears in my eyes. I miss my daughter so much right now. I used to go into her room when my feelings for Bella came to the surface. The pain would go away just by holding Jade's hand. She kept me alive; she kept my lungs filled with oxygen.

"I'm sorry about your family." She whispered softly. "I know all about that kind of love. I feel the same way about Hayley and I can't begin to imagine what you went through after losing your children."

"It's been hell. For the first time in six months I'm breathing again, without pain. I can sort of sleep again and have some normal dreams. And for the first time since they died, I played piano and sung. Which is a really good thing for me right now and it's like a huge fucking accomplishment." I chuckled. Yup, I'm getting there. I'm starting to feel alive again and as much as I want to lie to myself and give Hayley all the credit, I can't. Bella has a little credit even if it's just a little.

"Do you have any questions?" I asked her and she shook her head. We just sat there in silence for what seemed like hours but was actually just a few minutes. I was shocked when Bella's sobs broke the silence.

"I can't believe I just left without asking you about it. I can't believe I was so stubborn and childish." She cried. "I could have saved the both of us so much pain especially my daughter." She said.

"That's true. I'm sorry to say this Bella but you really did a fucking number on me. I was completely crushed." I said with a trembling voice because I was back there seven years ago and I could feel every agonizing pain in my chest. Bella's head snapped up and glared back at me.

"I was just as hurt as you were. Yes, I should have stayed and gave you a chance to defend yourself and explain, but you _did_ actually kiss her and it doesn't matter that it was for a second or five seconds or ten minutes for that matter, you kissed another girl. That image right there fucked my life up. So don't throw accusations around Edward." She lashed out.

"You're right and I'm sorry." I apologized. "We are quite the pair – totally screwed up." I joked.

"Yup, screwed up we are but we aren't a pair. There are you and there's me and that's it." She said harshly. Okay I take my words back; we're not a pair that's screwed up just Bella is. She definitely takes the cake in that category. Bella used to be so much fun to hang around with, now she's so serious all the time and fearful and careful as if someone was going to attack her at any moment.

"Bella that was a joke," I pointed out and she blushed crimson red.

"I'm going to bed, I'm beat." She announced and I nodded. Without a word she turned and left the music room.

What an eventful evening. When I woke up this morning and wished for answers I never actually thought that I would get them. I mean I've wished this for seven fucking years and nothing. Plus I always pictured Bella begging me for forgiveness after confessing that she cheated on me and left me for another man. I never thought that she left because I kissed Tanya.

This morning I had a debacle on how I would change the past if I could go back in time. I'm fucking torn now. I would definitely still fall in love with Bella because that is a feeling that no one can replace. It's a love that only comes along in life once and I have found that with Bella. Going back in time wouldn't be easy for me because I would still sleep with Tanya. As much as I loved Bella, I loved my children more and I wouldn't do anything to change that. I'm pretty relieved that that shit only exists in movies. I would be torn between choosing Bella and choosing a life without her.

Okay so now I have the answers I've been longing for. Still doesn't change the fact that I'm still broken over Bella. It didn't even give me a little closure, it just made everything worse. Now the list of 'what if' has gotten a lot bigger and it's definitely a heartbreaker.

I've been through hell living without Bella. Sure I had Jade and MJ, but my heart, lips, arms and body longed for Bella in a way only she could fill.

**Bella's POV**

In the safety off my room I cracked. I completely broke down. My chest heaved as painful sobs escaped my throat.

Seven years of pure hell. Seven years of beatings. Seven years of brutal abuse. Seven years of my daughter missing out on a life with her father.

And for what? For nothing…absolutely nothing. I let my stubbornness and pride get in the way of my happiness. I mean any normal person would have confronted them and demanded to know what the hell was going on. But no, not Bella Swan. She did what she knew best, she ran. And what the hell did I get out of that? A permanently scarred, fucked up body, screwed up heart, pretty screwed up mind and a daughter who feared for her mothers' life most of the time.

I can handle everything; the beatings, the scars even the sex I went through with Mike. But the fact that I ran away and caused so much pain in my daughter's life literally kills me. It feels as if my heart is being ripped out of my chest and being slashed into a million pieces with a rusty old sword. If I stayed and confronted Edward, I know my daughter would have had the childhood she deserved.

I groaned as I locked my hands in my hair. What have I done? Most importantly. How am I going to fix this? I'm scared out of my mind to tell Edward about Hayley. He missed almost seven years of her life and I know he's going to be livid. I have to tell him soon, he's not stupid. Hayley's seventh birthday is in five months. I'm surprised he hasn't figured it out yet. What if he wants nothing to do with her? _No, Edward would never do that. _Besides, I can see that he already loves her.

I crawled into the bed next to my daughter and couldn't stop looking at her. She's so beautiful. I bent down and kissed her head and couldn't control the newly formed tears from rolling down my cheeks. I'll never forgive myself for taking her away from Edward and by doing that causing her so much pain in life.

**Emmett's POV**

Yup, something's definitely going on. Their eyes are puffy, they have black circles around their eyes and none of them are speaking. So much for having fun at breakfast. We're back to the old boring breakfasts. I swear if it weren't for Hayley we'd all die out of boredom.

"When can you take me for another game drive, Emmie?" she asked and brought me back to reality. I sighed. As much as I'd like that it's just not possible this week. We're pretty busy and I barely see Rose during the day.

"I don't know sweetie, we're really busy at the moment. I promise to take you as soon as things slow down, is that okay?" I asked.

"I guess." She sighed and her whole face turned sad.

"What's wrong sweet girl?" I asked. I also realized at this moment, that I was the only one talking. No one else felt the need to have a conversation. It sort of pissed me off. What the hell happened last night between these two?

"I just miss you guys, _all _of you. You came in so late last night that I didn't get a chance to see any of you." She whispered. Bella's eyes filled with tears. She's not used to _not_ seeing her daughter.

"Why don't you come with us today? I'm sure we can keep you busy at the office. What do you say Bella?" Edward asked and I almost fell out of my chair. Of course the loving, warm and kind Edward still freaks me out. I'm still waiting for his breakdown. We're just not used to seeing him like this and I guess it's going to take some getting used to. I loved seeing him like this though. Bella's whole face lit up and Hayley jumped out of her chair and straight into Edwards's arms.

Edward's face was priceless but it touched my heart in a warm way. My brother has been through absolute hell after losing those two beautiful children of his. I used to check up on him constantly, afraid that he might do something stupid. He deserves the love this sweet girl gives him.

To someone else the changes in Edward's life might be minor. But to me and even Rose, these changes are fucking huge. He's like a different man and it's almost as if I have my brother back.

Hayley was sitting on Edward's lap and she was thanking him for taking her with him today. His eyes were full of life and sparkled. He had this huge fucking grin on his face while looking down on Hayley's adorable face.

"What's on the agenda today, _Eddie_?" I couldn't help to use Hayley's name for Edward. He mouthed 'fuck off' and I doubled over in laughter. A very big part of my brother is back and I haven't even realized until now, how much I actually missed him.

Bella excused herself but not before I noticed the tears. I can't believe that that woman even has tears left to shed. How can one person go through so much pain in just seven years? You're not even supposed to go through that in a lifetime, let alone seven years. I don't even know half the stuff she went through, just the last time before she ran away. That was brutal enough and I can imagine that the other times were the same.

"_Eddie_ can I-"I felt a sudden pain on my shin and knew he kicked me. "Ow, fu-"he kicked me again to remind me of Hayley's presence and that I should mind my language. "Ow, stop that" I yelled.

"Call me _Eddie_ one more time and your balls are next." He whispered for only me to hear. I swallowed hard. My stomach aches just to think about it.

"Now, what was it that you wanted to ask?" he chuckled and I grinned. Now that's a lot of improvement right there. The gloomy morning turned out to be not so bad at all.

"I wanted to talk to you." I said.

"About?" he asked while chewing on a piece of toast. "Oh Rose, since Hayley's going to be at the lodge the whole day, why don't you join us? We could sure use the help." He asked Rosie and I felt excited at the thought of seeing the love of my life all day long.

"Sure, I'd love to _Eddie_," she chuckled and my eyes widened.

"If you dare to kick her Edward, I won't kick you in the balls, I'll chop them off." I said quickly but Edward only smiled. Wow, it really is good to see my brother smile. His face lights up and he looks alive. Two weeks ago he looked like the living dead and I was scared shitless every time I looked at him.

"That won't be necessary Em.' He smiled and once again he left me speechless. I know I'm not giving him the benefit of the doubt but come on. It's as if he went through an overnight change, literally. It can't be good and I'm still waiting for him to fold or crack or something.

"So Hayley, are you ready to spend the day with us?" he asked her while tickling her stomach. She wriggled on his lap while laughing out loud.

"Yeeeeeesssss," she squealed and I chuckled. It reminded me of Jade and how Edward used to spend hours at a time with her. He never seemed to get bored with her or even MJ. He adored his children and it's unfair that he had to lose them. It's more than unfair, I think it's pretty fucked up but that's just me.

I excused myself and went after Bella. I think she needs someone to talk to and let's face it; Rose is a no-no, I love her to death but she can be a bitch sometimes, still love her with my whole heart. I grinned. Rosie is one of a kind and once you get to know her and understand her, you'll love her for life.

I found Bella in the music room sitting behind the drum kit. I wondered if she played and why she always sits in the music room. She barely looked up when I walked through the door.

"Hey Bells," I said with a smile. She smiled back but it didn't reach her eyes. She's actually so easy to read.

"Do you play?" I asked the first thing that came to mind. She only nodded her head.

"I screwed up pretty bad." She whispered and although I don't have a fucking clue what she's talking about I shook my head sideways. I knelt in front of her and it scared the shit out of me to see Bella like this. She was beyond the living dead. So lifeless and broken.

"It can't be that bad." I encouraged her.

"I left Edward seven years ago without a word because I thought he was cheating on me with Tanya. I never asked him, I never gave him the chance to defend himself. I just assumed and ran off. I fucked his life up and my daughter's life. I don't care about my own life-"

"Bella stop. When will you realize that you can't change the past? What's done is done. You can do something about the future though." I whispered. "Besides, Edward is a grown man and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't change anything about the past, because of his children. They were his life Bella. As for Hayley…you did a pretty good job raising her in the circumstances you were in. It could have been a lot worse Bella."

"How?" she had to ask. I sighed.

"She never got hurt, he never touched her." I whispered and left it at that.

"I would have killed him if he did." She hissed.

"Hayley's going to be fine, Edward is already recovering. It's just you I'm worried about."

"Don't. I'll be fine. Besides, no one can help me." She said without any emotion. I sighed and gently squeezed her shoulder.

So Bella and Edward talked about what happened in the past. Personally I think it's a good sign. I just hope that they can work through their differences. Bella's going to need a lot of help though. That woman needs love and affection and she needs to learn what the word 'safe' means. Fear is controlling her life and a life controlled by fear is…well in my eyes it's pretty fucking useless. You can't let fear control your life because you won't have a life. And to top it off she's added guilt to her list of problems.

Rose was standing in front of our windows when I came into our bedroom. I wrapped my arms around her waist and kissed the back of her neck.

"Mmm, what was that for?" she asked before she turned around in the circle of my arms.

"Just because I love you so damn much and can't thank you enough for loving me back" I whispered against her lips. She brushed her lips against mine before deepening the kiss. Our lips moved together and I groaned while pulling her closer to me. I trail my tongue along her bottom lip asking for permission to enter and as soon as she parted her lips; my tongue slips in and starts dancing with hers. Kissing Rose always sends my heart into overdrive and makes my stomach flutter as if there were a million butterflies inside. Her lips feel like fire against mine burning with passion. I pulled away and she moaned.

"As much as I like that and like where that was going; we need to go work." I whispered against her lips. I don't know what came over me but as soon as I left Bella in the music room I wanted to see Rose. I just thought to myself how lucky we were for having such unique partners while Bella had a monster. I have never felt more grateful for having Rose in my life than right now. Loving her is the highlight of my day along with worshipping her and adoring her and caring for her. It's a job I love to do and everything else with Rose is a bonus.

"I love you more than anything babe," I said before giving her one last kiss.

"I love you too my monkey-man." She chuckled against my lips. I wiggled my eyebrows at her and she laughed out loud.

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><p><strong>I have written this chapter over and over 3 times. It never came out right, so I hope I didn't disappoint you guys. The Emmett's POV is dedicated to <strong>**theresa24.**

**Isabela is Online**** – next chapter will be Hayley/Edward time, I promise. **


	8. Chapter 8

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. Song is owned by Flyleaf – "Much like falling"!**

**I feel that I've let Edward down :-( Guys please try and understand the love he had for his children. I love my daughter more than anything in this life and would give my life for her. That's how I know that Edward wouldn't have regretted sleeping with Tanya, besides; he slept with Tanya AFTER Bella left. His children helped him through a very difficult time; a time without Bella. Please don't hate Eddie…**

**Thanksies , thanksies to Kgunter34, cullengirl08, Theresa 24, Isabela is Online, Natsar, twilightvixxen, robsten4ever, Rach and vampiregurl – I loved all your reviews.**

**Theresa24 – I'm working on another story but will post only once this story is finished. **

**I promise that Edward will learn about Hayley very soon. Bella WILL forgive Edward…don't read further if you're expecting her not to. **

**Please read -A HEALING HEART- by SuddenlySandi...very touching story!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 7 – Much like falling<strong>

**Bella's POV**

"_**When I said good morning…I was lying…I was truly thinking of how I might quit waking up…He pointed out how selfish it would be to kill myself…so I keep waking up"**_

"_**It feels so much like falling…dying while I wait to die. The fear of something or nothing…lonely empty lie"**_

"_**I don't want to be here, lying…I don't want to be selfish anymore…I want so much to change. Learning your love everyday…there's still so much to know…you grip my wrists…I let go!"**_

"_**It feels so much like falling…separated from the fear…aware of a destination far away from here…far away from here"**_

I see myself falling, but unlike all the other times I'm not falling to my death. I'm falling to safety. It's freaking me out because this is the dream I had for seven years now and I always fall to my death. No one saves me. In this dream I saw two arms reaching for me and cradling me into safety. I wish that was possible.

It's been over a week since Edward and I had our little confession ritual. And to be honest it's much easier to have a conversation with him now. Knowing that he didn't actually cheat on me was a big fucking relief to say the least.

Edward is like a whole new person. Almost fully alive and I'm really happy for him. He is spending a lot of time with Hayley and it's like a bonus for me. I see Edward's love for Hayley grow every day and Hayley's need for Edward is overwhelming. The tears that form in my eyes every time they have a conversation or play is too much too handle and I can't contain them. They just stream down without warning.

Hayley and Rose joined us every day at the office where Rose continued homeschooling Hayley and we entertained the guests. This way I could spend every free minute I had with Hayley.

I was in the dining room waiting for the guests to return from their game drive. I made sure everything was in place for lunch and that everything was perfect.

"Bella," the familiar husky voice said carefully and I felt my heartbeat race in fear. Why do they do that? Why do they creep up on you and scare the living daylights out of you? I slowly turned around my heart still racing and I could actually feel the pounding in my throat.

I cocked my head to the side and raised an eyebrow. Well, well, Jacob wants to talk. This should be…interesting. He looks nervous as hell and it's kind of…cute. I kept myself from laughing and waited patiently for him to continue.

"I wanted to apologize about last week. I…I mean…I never thought I was being rude or anything. I was trying to make conversation." He apologized and I chuckled.

"It's fine, really. Just so you know that doesn't turn women on. Your vulgar jokes might cost you a first date." I said honestly.

"You mean I don't get a second chance." He asked in unbelief. Shit, that came out completely wrong. Now I gave him the wrong idea.

"Um, I didn't mean…shit…I didn't mean a first date with me Jacob. I meant overall." I tried to cover.

"But what if I want a date with you?" he asked. I should have known that Jacob is way too cocky to 'read-between-the-lines'. Which was 'I'm not interested'.

"I'm sorry but I'm not interested." I said and watched his face fall. Yup buddy; you forced me to say it. If and that's a big fucking if, I was interested in someone it would definitely be the man that I love with all my heart, but I'm not interested. I'm too screwed up for a relationship and too scarred.

"Are you telling me that you're turning this down?" he asked while pointing to himself and I had to laugh. At least there's nothing wrong with his ego.

"You're full of shit you know that?" I laughed. I laughed and it felt good. Jacob is actually not a bad person but there will be nothing between us, maybe friendship. I don't even know about that. I haven't had a real friend since…since Edward. He wasn't just my boyfriend and lover, he was my best friend and I shared everything with him.

"You know you want me Bella." He said with a smirk and I huffed.

"No, actually I don't want you. The best you can hope for is my friendship Jacob and you're walking a fine line at that." I chuckled and walked away. I was surprised that he actually had the decency to follow me.

"Bella please, if all you can give me is friendship then I'll take it. Please," he begged.

"Shit, I can't believe I'm doing this-"

"Is that a 'yes`?" he asked and I sighed.

"Yes, that's a yes but and this is a big but Jacob, friends only. I'm being serious. If I catch on that you're trying for more than friends, I _will _stop our friendship. Trust me I don't have a problem with cutting ties loose." I warned and he nodded.

"Deal! When can I take you on a game drive?" he asked in excitement. I laughed out loud because it felt so damn good.

"When are you free?" I asked.

"The guests leave tomorrow morning and we'll have about three days off before the next guests arrive. What about tomorrow night?" he asked.

"Okay see you then." I smiled.

I went back to my office and couldn't find Hayley or Edward anywhere. Rose was sitting in Edward's office reading through a magazine.

"Hey Rose, where is Hayley?" I asked. She barely looked up from the magazine when she answered me.

"Edward and Hayley went for a walk. He couldn't find you anywhere."

I frowned. It's so unlike Edward to leave his guest unintended. He is very strict when it comes to this business and the impressions of his guests are of utmost importance to him.

"By the way Bella, I heard you talking with Jacob-"she said with her nose still buried inside the magazine.

"Yeah, so?" I asked.

"Just be careful, Jacob has a reputation here and screwing women over is one of them if not the top of his list. He's a player Bella-"

"Rose I appreciate your concern but believe me when I tell you that I'm not interested in a relationship right now. Besides if that's what Jacob does, I think he's about to meet his match." I grinned.

"Just be careful okay?" she whispered and for the first time since I met Rose she showed me that she actually cared. Under that bitchy skin is actually a woman with a heart. I'm almost stunned.

"Thanks Rose." I said.

**Edward's POV**

"What was your daughter like Eddie?" she asked and I heard myself sigh. There's the familiar sting to my heart.

"Well, she was a lot like you actually."

"Really?" she asked in surprise. She was fiddling with the hem of her sweater and looked…nervous. I didn't like the nervous Hayley.

"Yes. She was just as beautiful as you are; her smile always reached her eyes just like yours. She could light up a room with her presence just like you can and…she was like my personal sun like you are." I said while I felt the tears burn my eyes.

"How?" she frowned.

"How what, sweetie?" I asked.

"How am I your sun?" she asked. I was leading her towards a small waterfall. I wanted to share the beauty of the place with her, knowing that she will appreciate it. Hayley is one of a kind. Where other girls prefer toys, she just asks for attention and love. She takes in the beauty of nature and appreciates it.

"Well you warm up my heart and life. When I'm with you, I don't feel so cold anymore. Do you understand?"

"Sure. I was always cold when I lived with my father. Now that I live here with you guys, I don't feel that way anymore. I kind of feel safe and warm." She explained innocently. I closed my eyes as her words cut through my heart. It hurts so much to think what she had to endure.

"Sweetie, I'm so sorry that you had to go through that kind of fear." I said while kneeling in front of her.

"It's okay, I mean, he never hurt me…only mommy. Still it hurt me to have known what he did to her." She said. "She still cries every night and she still talks in her sleep. I worry about her so much."

My heart goes out to Bella. She's been through hell and I know she blames herself that Hayley didn't really have a childhood. In all honestly, she did an amazing job raising this little girl. It couldn't have been easy under the circumstances they lived in. Hayley is one of the most open children I know. Normally if they grow up in fear they're drawn back and don't speak at all. I'm actually very fucking proud of Bella; she never neglected her daughter. Even after everything she went through.

"She talks in her sleep?" I asked amused.

"Yup." She said popping the 'p'.

"What does she say?" I asked curiously. If you sleep you have no control over your thoughts or dreams and it would be interesting to know what kind of stuff she dreams about. Bella is a major control freak over her emotions during the day and it would definitely make my day if I could hear her talk in her sleep.

"Last night she actually said your name." She smiled. Have I mentioned that I really, really like Hayley? I should take her for walks more often. This way, I get the information I need.

"Really?" I asked amused. If it was possible for my heart to do somersaults it would have happened now. I need some sort of plan to win Bella's heart back. It has to be a good fucking plan because she's so damn stubborn. And the specifically said that she's not interested in a relationship right now.

"Yes and then she mumbled something about falling and fear and dying." She sighed. Okay that was a bit too much information. Dying? If only I knew how to help Bella.

We walked hand-in-hand towards the waterfall and Hayley's face lit up. I'll do this all over again just to see her face once more. Her emerald eyes were filled with joy and I could swear I saw a million stars dancing in them.

"This is so beautiful," she gasped. There were trees everywhere and the grass was green. Listening to the water falling down is unbelievable. I took a seat on one of the boulders while Hayley just stared at the waterfall. I could look at her beautiful face all day long. It's really scary of how much she reminds me of Jade. Even their eyes are the same.

I have no fucking plan to get back with Bella. Nothing. All I have is Hayley and it's the best solution I can come up with right now. Hayley is a direct link to Bella and she has all the information I want. I just need to figure out a way to spend more time alone with Hayley.

"Thank you for bringing me here Eddie." She whispered into my ear and gave me a peck on the cheek. I had to close my eyes for a second as familiar memories danced in front of me and it made my heart ache. Jade and MJ used to love kissing me on my cheeks, they used to love kissing me overall. I taught them that you can never love someone enough, always more but never enough. They showered me with hugs and kisses.

"I love it here and I wanted to share it with you." I said and pinched her nose playfully. She giggled and it sounded amazing as her giggle and the fall of the water harmonized together.

"I bet your son was just as pretty as you are?" she asked and I chuckled. There's the _pretty _word again. I wouldn't think of myself as pretty but hey, she's a little girl and if I look pretty to her then so be it.

"Actually no, he looked just like his mommy…he had my hair though." I grinned.

"Was it just as messy?" she asked while pulling her tiny fingers through my hair. She's like an angel that saved me from the dead.

"Yup. It was kind of our thing." I chuckled.

"Well I like it. It's cool." She said and I roared in laughter.

"Thank you sweet angel. I like my hair too." I playfully poked her stomach and she giggled again. She should always laugh. Her laughter is like music to my ears, a sweet, soft melody. "Honey would you say that your mommy's songs are any good?" I asked her and she gasped.

"Are you kidding me? Her songs are more than good and you should hear her sing Eddie. She's got a beautiful voice." She said while jumping up and down.

"You really like your mommy's singing?" I asked and she nodded.

"She wrote me a song you know. She only sang it to me once. It was before we came here." She smiled. And since they've been here Bella's been really busy. I have an idea on that song thing as well. I might have just the plan for getting through to Bella. I'm not planning on winning her love back just winning her life back for her but if I win her heart back in doing this, bonus for me! But my main concern is Bella. I'll do anything in my power to help her.

"I would love to hear that song that she wrote you." I said. She only shook her head sideways.

"Mommy doesn't sing in front of people." She said.

"Well I'm not people," I grinned, "I'm the man she dreams about." I laughed. Hayley gasped but then joined in my laughter.

"Don't…tell…her…I…said…that." She forced out in between laughter.

"It's our little secret." I whispered with a smile on my face.

"Promise?" she insisted.

"Promise." I assured her. She took my hand and we started walking back to the lodge. Was it just three weeks ago that I wasn't even alive? It feels like years ago.

**Bella's POV**

The steamy hot water ran down my body in a very calming way. I'm stressed out over the fact that I'm going on a game drive with Jacob tomorrow night. With my eyes closed I let my hand run over my body, feeling every single scar that that monster left on me. I hate looking into a mirror; I hate my body and I hate looking at the brutal scars. Every scar is a reminder of Mike; every scar has a memory, a very gruesome memory. My heartbeat increased as my hand ran over the multiple scars over my abdomen. My other hand pressed against the shower wall, balancing my body. Tears flowed freely over my cheeks as the memory runs through my brain.

"_**Hey Mike, can you believe it's almost time?" I asked him when I saw him entering the room through the mirror. I gasped when he looked back at me. His eyes were filled with hate and anger. What scared me though was the fact that his eyes were empty as if he didn't register anything. I was due giving birth in two weeks.**_

"_**I'll always be in his fucking shadow. You'll never love me." He yelled. It startled me to hear his tone, he never had this tone with me and it scared the shit out of me. **_

"_**You knew this before I married you Mike, I'm sorry." I whispered and felt a dagger stab to my heart thinking about Edward. I was pregnant with his baby and I missed him more than words can say. I have really tried to forget about him but it's damn near fucking impossible to forget the love of my life; to forget my soul mate.**_

"_**Fuck you Bella." He yelled and I saw his hand coming from behind his back. My face must have been horror struck, it sure felt that way. My heart was beating frantically out of fear and breathing became impossible. My chest was heaving and I felt bile rise to my throat.**_

"_**I don't want you to have this baby…I don't want you to have HIS baby." He yelled while approaching me, holding a big butcher's knife in his hand. It felt like my voice was frozen as if I went mute overnight. Tears were blinding my eyes. Mike's hand lifted the knife and agonizing screams escaped my throat as he cut through my abdomen. Cut after cut felt even more excruciating than the previous one.**_

"_**Mike…stop…please Mike!" I pleaded with him. I was soaked in my own blood and felt very weak; I literally felt my life slipping away from me. As I looked into Mike's deranged eyes, what would have felt like the last time, I saw life returning to them. **_

"_**O my…Bella. Fuck, Bella I'm sorry. I don't know what happened." He cried while dropping the knife.**_

"_**Mike…baby…hosp-" I said before blackness took me away.**_

I cried out loud while my hand traced along the scars; the scars of the night I almost lost my reason for existing, the reason for me breathing. My body slides down the shower as my chest heaves from all the crying. I can't do this anymore. I can't pretend to be normal because I'm fucking far from it. I'm screwed up, completely and utterly screwed up. How can I be an example for my daughter? I mean a really good example. I'm half the time in a complete fucking trance and I'm so scared, so very scared that she'll discover how crazy I am. That she has a complete loon for a mother that can't hold herself together for one day. I screamed out as the pain in my heart increased. Damn Mike to hell for fucking up my life. Damn him.

**Edwards' POV**

Colorful notes harmonized the music room as my fingers played through each note. My fingers touching the keys of my piano and with every note I play, my heart filled with joy and life.

I was brought back into reality when I felt someone pulling on my shirt. Opening my eyes to Hayley's tearstained face scares the shit out of me.

"Sweetie, are you okay? What's wrong baby girl?" I asked in horror. She looks terrified and I can't begin to imagine what could be wrong.

"Come help my mommy Eddie," she forced out through sobs. Her little chest was heaving and her sobs cut through my heart like a razor blade. She placed her hand in mine and I followed her up the stair to Bella's room. I had no idea what to expect but I knew Hayley wouldn't come to get me if it was nothing. I could hear Bella's cries in the bathroom and when I entered I gasped.

I knew it was supposed to be something bad, but I never braced myself for finding Bella naked in the shower.

"Bella," I whispered, "Bella are you okay?" I asked. She didn't respond and I grabbed a towel and opened the shower door. The water was ice cold and Bella's body was shivering. She was hugging her knees and mumbled incoherent words. "Come on Love," I whispered while picking her up. I never meant to look at her body, I tried to just look at her face but I couldn't because what I saw was so brutal and terrifying that I felt the bile rose to my throat. Her entire body was full of scars, deep cuts. But what terrified me the most was the multiple cuts across her stomach. It was beyond horrible; I can't believe she's even alive from the looks of these scars.

"Is she okay?" Hayley's voice brought me back to reality. I quickly wrapped a towel around Bella's scarred body as my own eyes filled with tears.

"She'll be fine baby girl. She's just a little sad." I explained quickly and Hayley nodded.

"Do me a favor honey," I whispered and she nodded her little head, "Bring me a shirt from mommy's closet please."

I couldn't take my eyes of off Bella and I had to really contain my anger towards the fucker who did this to her. Every single scar on her perfect body makes my heart bleed…and…love her more. Hayley brought me the shirt and I quickly pulled it over Bella's head.

Bella's eyes met my gaze and the emptiness inside them scared me to death. Tears rolled down her cheeks and I felt my own cheeks get wet.

"What has he done to you love?" I whispered in anger. She just shook her head and sobbed again as I pulled her to my chest. She grabbed my shirt into her fists and kept punching my chest. I kept stroking her hair gently and whispered soothing words into her ear until I felt her body relax against mine.

After I tucked Bella in I helped Hayley into bed. She was calm now, thank goodness.

"Are you going to be okay Hayley?" I asked in concern. What does she still have to go through? Bella is no longer with that piece of shit but Hayley still sees her mother in pain. How long will he control her life? Enough is fucking enough. I have to do something and do it fast.

"I was just so scared when I heard her screams and when I saw her sitting in the shower, I got really scared." She whispered. Her face shouldn't be stained with tears; she should always be happy and enjoy her life as a little girl. She shouldn't be burdened with these kinds of worries. Not that I blame Bella, I'll never blame Bella. It's the monster she married that fucked their lives up. He's not even a human being and I'll kill him for putting Bella and Hayley through hell.

"I know you were sweetie and I'm sorry you were frightened." I said.

"Thank you for helping with mommy Eddie." She whispered.

"Anytime sweet angel." I whispered and planted a kiss on her head, "Get some sleep; I'll see you in the morning."

"Nity nite Eddie. I love you," she yawned and tears sprung to my eyes.

"Love you too baby girl." I whispered and walked out of the room before I sobbed loudly.

How can a man, any man, be that brutal to a woman? How can a man treat a woman's body like that? How could he have done that to Bella? She was the most loving, kind and wonderful woman I have ever known and she sure as hell didn't deserve that kind of treatment. I can't close my eyes without seeing those scars and I can't even begin to imagine what he did to leave those scars on her body.

One thing I am sure of though, I want to help Bella forget about that fucker. I want to help her heal her heart and be the best she can be, no, better than she can be. I want her to remember what it felt like to be loved and to experience the acts of love. Yeah, I know I probably have a long way to go, but Bella is so worth it. I have never, _never_, loved her more than I love her now. I am proud of her; for being a very good mother to Hayley, having endured everything she has.

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><p><strong>Please review!<strong>


	9. Chapter 9

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. Song is owned by Def Leppard! I'm just a sucker for those guys. Loved their music ever since I was 13.**

**Iamwriter, cullengirl08, Natsar, Isabela is Online, Twithish, kgunter34 and vampiregurl – thank you for your reviews.**

**My rec for today is definitely "SHATTERED GLASS" by SuddenlySandi…brilliant story yet again by Sandi – it's about a very disturbed Bella and how Edward saves her but in the end Edward needs her to save him. **

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><p><strong>Chapter 8 – Long, long way to go <strong>

**Bella's POV**

My head is pounding and my eyes feel swollen. Shit, I quickly sat up as I remembered what happened last night. Shit, shit, shit, Edward helped me out of the shower. My eyes widened in fear…he saw the scars. I mean you can't miss them. I turned my head, but the bed was empty. Where is Hayley? Why didn't she wake me up? I noticed that I only had a shirt on and felt the heat rise to my cheeks. He dressed me. This is so embarrassing; not just over the fact that I was naked, but also over the fact that I never wanted anyone to see my scars. I'm embarrassed because I had a breakdown once again and yet once again Edward saw me in my most vulnerable state.

I quickly pulled some ruined black jeans on with a red hoodie and my chucks. I tied my hair into a messy bun and after I brushed my teeth I ran downstairs to look for my daughter. I heard her laughter and followed it to the music room. My heart stalled when I saw her and Edward behind the piano.

"I can't do it Eddie," she giggled and he started playing on some of the keys again.

"Sure you can. Come on, try again." He encouraged her. He played a simple melody and I noticed how Hayley concentrated on every single note and key that he used. My heart pounded against my chest when I saw her tiny hands rest on the white keys and her fingers trailed through the keys that Edward just used. She made a few minor mistakes but it sounded magnificent.

I applauded her and she turned around to look at me. Her whole face lit up and she jumped off the bench and ran to me.

"Mommy," she yelled and ran into my arms.

"Morning baby girl," I whispered into her ear and placed a kiss on her head.

"Morning mommy," she said while cupping my face between her hands, "Eddie is teaching me to play the piano."

"I heard and I must admit sweetie, you are pretty good. Do you enjoy playing the piano?" I asked her. I never even thought about teaching her when we lived in Forks and feel so stupid for not thinking about it.

"Oh yes, I love it." She said and pulled me to the piano. All this time I haven't looked up to meet Edward's gaze, too afraid of what I'll see in them but now that Hayley's practically pulling me to him I had no choice but to look up. His eyes were filled with concern and something else, but I can't put my finger on it.

"Morning Bella," he whispered, "How are you feeling?" he added.

"Urm, fine I guess." I answered and he nodded. I noticed my music book on the piano and frowned. I have searched for that book everywhere. I took it in my hands and saw Edward blush. It was weird because Edward hardly blushes, ever.

"I'm sorry. I found it here and read through it." He apologized.

"It's fine, I guess. It's just songs anyways." I shrugged.

"They are not just songs Bella." He said. "Anyways, I'm interested in your songs."

"I thought you were taking a break from your singing career?" I asked in surprise.

"I thinks it's time that I start living again Bella." He explained. "Will you be interested in the position as my personal song-writer and composer?" he asked and I gasped. This is the opportunity I've been waiting for all my life. Why am I hesitating then? Because this is Edward for crying out loud; the man that already knows too much about you and once you start writing songs, you'll be even more exposed, that's why.

"I don't think that's such a good-"

"Bella, strictly professional." He smiled. I have to do this, I know I have to. It's my once in a lifetime opportunity and I'll be stupid if I don't take it.

"Okay, I'll do it." I agreed. He and Hayley smiled as if they shared some sort of secret and I wondered what went through their heads.

"Hayley you can go and find Rosie now and continue your schoolwork." He said to Hayley and kissed her head. I swallowed hard and tears stung my eyes. I know I'm wrong keeping Edward from the truth, I just don't know how to tell him. I'm scared shitless about telling Edward. I waited until Hayley was out of the room to talk to Edward.

"About last night…I'm so sorry." I whispered with tear-filled eyes.

"Bella don't apologize please." He said with difficulty. "What the hell did that man do to you?" he asked me and I closed my eyes and felt the warm tears roll down my cheeks.

"You already know some of it-"

"What happened to your abdomen? "He interrupted me.

"I was eight and a half months pregnant with Hayley. Mike lost control; he was very jealous and hated the fact that I was going to have a baby. He…he…tried to cut me open with a butcher's knife. I screamed and yelled for him to stop, but his eyes were empty as if he didn't know what he was doing. I remember screaming out in horror as the pain was so excruciating." I whispered and swallowed before continuing. "My life literally slipped away from me as I felt my body getting weak and I was soaked in my own blood. I screamed out one last time and I saw Mike's eyes fill with recognition and horror when he saw what he has done. He apologized but I just asked him to take me to the hospital." I cried. "By some miracle Hayley lived. I was blacked out for about a week before I regained consciousness. The doctor told me that it was a miracle that both me and Hayley were alive."

"Bella," he forced out, "why did you stay with him after he did that to you? He almost killed you Bella…"

"I had nowhere else to go Edward; I didn't have a job, I had no money, I had no one. I had a newborn baby to look after and I had nowhere else to go. I had to go back to him." I narrowed my eyes at the judgmental tone in his voice. "Don't you dare judge me Edward…don't you fucking dare."

"I'll never do that Bella, never. I'm sorry if it sounded that way…I just needed to understand why you went back to him after he almost killed you." He quickly explained. "I can't begin to imagine what you went through and it's my entire fault."

Now I was confused. "Don't blame yourself over my decisions please Edward. I put myself in that position, you had nothing to do with that." I said.

"I pushed you into his arms Bella…don't you see? If I never let Tanya get to me you wouldn't have left and I could have spared you this pain…this brutality." He started crying.

"Edward don't blame yourself. I left yes, but it was still my decision to marry Mike. You didn't force me into anything, I had a choice. Besides, I thought we were over this Tanya-Mike-debacle." I whispered. My heart is broken over the fact that Edward is sitting in front of me crying. I can't bear to see him like this, it's killing me.

"I'll always blame myself Bella. I don't think that I'll ever be able to forgive myself." He sobbed again. "Every time I close my eyes I see your scarred body in front of me Bella and I know it's my fault that your body is scarred in that way. How do I live with myself after that?" he asked with tear-filled eyes.

"Edward, please don't. It's not your fault and that's why I never wanted another man in my life…because the scars will forever haunt you. They haunt me and I'm not even a man. I can't look at myself in a mirror-"

"Bella the scars do not bother me…I don't think anything less of you because of them. They just remind me of what I did to you. Don't ever think of your body as ugly because you still have-"he said with his eyes closed. I waited for him to continue but he just sat there with his eyes closed.

"Why don't we try a song? I mean since we're already here and everything." I suggested and Edward slowly opened his eyes. My heart ached seeing the pain in his eyes. He took the music book out of my hands and turned to a certain page. I don't feel weird with Edward going through my book or anything and I'm supposed to; there are songs in there that were meant for only me. I would never give those songs to anyone, but with Edward I feel different. Maybe it's because we sort of shared the same emptiness and pain. Both of us had our children for comfort, but we missed out on having a real partner; to love and hold and kiss and laugh with.

I took the open book from Edward and the smile on his face makes my heart beat frantically in my chest. How did I last seven years without this man? No, I'm not going to answer that question because it leads to Mike and I just wanna forget the ass.

"That is one of my favorite lyrics Bella." He whispered with a smile. I took the acoustic guitar that was standing on a stand in the corner. I ran my fingers over the strings and it sent shivers down my body. It's been a while since I played and I haven't realized until now, how much I actually missed my guitar.

"Urm I guess I'll start and then you can fall in once you are familiar with the tune." I suggested and he nodded. I pulled the guitar to my body and held the neck with my left hand. My right hands' fingers strummed the intro and I closed my eyes as I remembered the pain I went through when I first wrote this song. I thought that I would never see the man I love again and it was breaking my heart. I never thought that _he _would be the one to perform the song.

"**You held my hand and then you slipped away…and I may never see your face again. So tell me how to fill the emptiness inside…without love, what is life?"**

"**And anyone who knew us both can see…'we' always were the better part of me. I never wanted to be this free…all this pain, does it go away?"**

"**Then every time I turn around…and you're nowhere to be found I know." **I sang and opened my eyes only to see Edward staring back at me with wet eyes. I nodded for him to fall in with the chorus and he smiled the most gorgeous smile I have ever seen.

"**I got a long, long way to go…before I can say goodbye to you. **_**Oh I got a long, long way I know…before I can say goodbye to all I ever knew…to you," **_He sang the last line with me and the way our voices mixed into harmony not only sounded amazing it felt amazing. It touched my heart in a way I once thought was impossible to ever feel again. I smiled up at Edward and strummed the chords of the second verse for him to sing.

"_From memory, there is no hiding place…turn on the TV and I see you there. In every crowd there's always someone with your face…everywhere, trying not to care"_

I sang the chorus with Edward and I must admit that it filled my heart with…love. It's a damn painful song and the time I wrote this song wasn't a very good time for me but performing it with the man that went through the same pain as me did something to my heart. Something different, something I'm not used to anymore.

"**To you, I wish you everything'…and all the best that life can bring. I only hope you think of me sometimes…OH"**

"_And even though I feel the pain…I know that I will love again…the time will come, OH, and I'll move on"_

We sang the bridge and the last chorus together. It felt like magic and by the look in Edwards' eyes, I guess he's feeling it too.

**Edward's POV**

Her voice sounded like an angel singing to me. Her voice sent shivers down my entire body and I literally had goose bumps everywhere. I can't believe she is hiding that voice. Bella can be so much more than she believes herself to be. And I think I am going to help Bella achieve that. Without her realizing it of course.

Singing together with Bella is beyond wonderful. There are no words to express what I'm feeling right now and how much my love grew for her just now.

I couldn't help to just stare at her beautiful face while she was singing with her eyes closed. I felt every emotion through her song and it was as if I was back seven years ago.

"Bella," I whispered with a thick voice; holding back the tears. "You have an amazing voice."

"I don't believe that but thanks." She said nervously.

"You don't see yourself very clearly Bella."

"Can you blame me Edward?" she asked with tears in her eyes.

"No I can't, but I am going to do everything in my power to make you see yourself through my eyes; beautiful, strong, loving, kind and very talented." I declared and she gasped.

"It's going to take a miracle to see all of those things in myself Edward besides, it's not your job to make me feel good about myself." Her voice sounded sad but I wasn't sure.

"Still so stubborn," I chuckled. Bella looked at her watch and gasped.

"Shit, I haven't realized the time. I'm sorry Edward I have to go get ready." She said out of breath. I furrowed my brow.

"Ready for what?" I asked her. It's three in the afternoon and I remember giving everybody the day off, including Bella. Where the hell is she going?

"Jacob is taking me for a game drive." She said in a matter of fact kind of way as if it weren't important. I feel like a fucking teenager when I felt the jealousy monster crawl into my heart. Hell yeah I was jealous, very jealous. I can't believe she's going out with Jake.

"What about Hayley?" I asked accusing her with my voice which I regretted immediately. Bella is a good mother and I doubt that she ever went out while she was with Mike. It's just that, she's going out with Jake…and…and not me. It fucks with my heart in a very painful way.

"Rose offered to look after her." She said annoyed. "What the hell is your problem?"

"I'm sorry for acting like a dick. It's none of my business." I said and got off the bench of the piano. "Enjoy the date with Jake." I forced a smile and walked out of the room.

Ever since I saw Bella's body last night I felt guilty. She can deny it all she wants but if I would have thrown Tanya out before she kissed me, none of those horrible things would have happened to Bella. I would never; never do that to her and just to think that that fucker felt the need to brutally fuck Bella's body up makes me livid. And it's not just her body that he fucked up; he destroyed her whole life and took away her self-esteem.

What a low blow that must have been; running away from a man that was supposed to love her forever, thinking he chose someone else. Running straight into the arms of a monster; a man she thought would protect her and help her heal her broken heart. At her lowest point in life where she must have been crawling around on her knees desperately seeking for a cure to her broken heart, he kicks her all the way down. This is where she stays for seven years because getting up is too painful and what's the use if he's only going to kick her back down.

And it's all my fault. How do I live with myself after doing that to Bella? How do I live with myself after knowing that I send her into that monster's arms? How do I live with myself after seeing her brutalized, scarred body? Knowing that I could have prevented that from happening kills me. My hands locked in my hair as I groaned out in frustration. What the hell am I going to do? How can I ever expect her to ever love me again after everything I've put her through? I might as well give up now because it seems like a lost case.

Now she has a date with the player of Cullen's Reserve. He screws woman over and dumps them. It's some sort of achievement to him. Jake might be one of my friends but if he hurts Bella in any way; I'll rip his fucking throat out. She has been through enough.

"Hey Eddie," Hayley's sweet voice came to me and I slowly lifted my hanging head. She gasped and quickly made her way to me. I must look like shit for the little girl to look that concerned. "What's wrong?" she asked concerned and I felt guilty for causing her worry.

"Nothing baby girl, I'm just tired I guess." I smiled. She raised her eyebrows at me and I chuckled. She looked exactly like Bella when she did that. "I'm fine, really." I tried to sound more convincing and it seemed to have worked.

"How did it go with mommy?" she asked curiously. All this time she's been thinking about that? I smiled.

"How did you focus on your schoolwork if you've been thinking about me and your mom the whole time?" I had to ask. She blushed crimson red and it was way beyond sweet. It amazes me how much she reminds me of Bella. The more time I get to spend with her the more I realize that this is the second Bella. They are so much alike.

"I didn't focus at all." She said and shrugged her shoulders. Her lips pouted while she crossed her arms across her chest. "Are you going to tell me what happened after I left the room?"

I doubled over in laughter before answering her. "Your mommy sang to me-"

"What?" she interrupted me and I cocked my head while raising an eyebrow. "Oh right, sorry. Go ahead." She blushed again.

"We sang a song together and she agreed to write songs for me. A step in the right direction or what do you think?" I asked.

"Definitely. I can't believe she sang in front of you. She never does that, so that's a plus point for you Eddie. Great job." She smiled and held her hand for a high-five. You can't help but fall in love with this little girl. Her energy and love and joy consume me.

"What are we doing tonight?" I asked her and her face lit up. "I know Rose is supposed to look after you but I'll talk to her and we can spend the evening together. What do you say?"

"Yes!" she yelled and made a fist pump in the air. I chuckled over her excitement and must admit that I'm feeling it too. I miss Hayley when she's not around, there's an empty place in my heart when she's gone. "Do you wanna watch movies with me?" she asked.

"Sure, I'd love to." I agreed and couldn't wait until tonight.

"Eddie when is Emmie coming back?" she asked with a sad face. She absolutely adores Emmett as well. Who can blame her though, he is very good with kids and he already loves Hayley.

"Maybe an hour sweetie. Do you miss him?" I asked. Emmett took the guests to the airport in Gauteng and it's about a three hour drive from here.

"Yes and I wanted to know if he would join us for movies."

"What is your favorite movie Hayley?" I asked.

"I love Shrek." She squealed and I laughed. I can't remember if I ever watched it but it sounded familiar.

"Isn't that the movie with the green guy in and a talking donkey?" I asked with a furrowed brow.

"Yup." She said and popped the 'p'. She loves doing that.

I went outside and plopped myself down on the grass lying back on one elbow. Jade used to love running barefoot on the grass, said it made her feel free. I felt my lips curl into a smile. I adored my daughter's innocence. My head snapped up when I heard the roaring of an engine. Must be Jake, I thought to myself.

"What's up Ed?" he greeted me while approaching me. Jake has a huge attitude; it's always been a problem.

"What are you grinning about Jake?" I asked while pulling a face. He laughed out loud.

"I'm taking the sexiest woman out for a game drive, what's not to smile about?" he answered with an even bigger grin. I wanted to punch that smile right off his face. It's crap too feel this jealous. I haven't felt this way in…well seven years, the night I saw Bella with Mike.

"And what are you gonna do with her once you got what you wanted?" I sneered at him.

"Do I sense some sort of jealousy Cullen?" he asked seriously and I decided to ignore him.

At that moment Bella made her appearance. She's wearing tight black leggings with her _docs_ of course and a white of the shoulder tee that says 'Rock it' in black with a black jacket. She looks stunning as always. And like the ass Jake is, he whistles at her. Bella's cheeks turned red and I immediately felt the urge to wrap her in my arms and kiss her like I did in the past. I used to love it when Bella blushed.

"Are you ready for the night of your life little lady?" Jake asked and Bella nodded, except she looked nervous as hell.

"See you Edward." Jake smiled before Bella took his arm and they walked away.

"Hey Bella!" I yelled and waited for her to turn around and meet my gaze. "I still have a long, long way to go." I said and chuckled when her eyes widened when she realized what I've said. She smiled back at me before she turned back to Jake. I felt my heart flutter away when she smiled back at me. How I've missed this feeling…can't believe I've lived so long without her. I'm more desperate now than before to win her heart back.

Emmett made his appearance an hour later and he brought a surprise; my annoying little sister, Alice and her wise ass husband, and my best friend, Jasper. Alice wraps her arms around me.

"What happened to Edward?" she chuckled playfully and I smiled.

"He died and was reborn. Like what you see?" I wiggled my eyes at her and her shrilling laughter filled the house.

"I do. A lot actually." She said and pulled me back into a hug, "I have missed you so much." She whispered and I closed my eyes.

"You have no idea how much I've missed you. Why didn't you tell me you were coming?" I let Alice out of my arms and took Jaspers' outstretched hand but he pulled me into a brotherly hug.

"We wanted to surprise you. Good to see you bro," he said and I greeted him back.

"Jazzie!" Hayley yelled and ran into his outstretched arms. Wow, I never knew they knew each other that well.

"Hey honey. How are you doing?" he asked her with a smile.

"I'm doing great." She said with a smile.

"Hayley, I want you to meet my wife, Alice." He pointed towards Alice and Hayley walked to her. "Alice, this is Hayley."

"Nice to meet you Allie." Hayley smiled and Alice started talking to Hayley as if they were old friends or something.

Jasper punched me on my shoulder and grinned. I knew what that grin was about. He still felt like shit for sending Bella and Hayley here without telling me about Hayley. I nodded for him to follow me to the patio and grabbed us each a beer.

"How did you meet Bella and Hayley?" I asked him. He chuckled before he took a seat.

"She came for the interview and I immediately gave her the job. She didn't want it when she learned that she would have to come to South Africa for a while. So she left." He sighed and took a deep breath before continuing. "That night I got a call from Hayley, she dialed the last number that was called on Bella's cell. She was hysterical and begged me to come and help them. I didn't even think about it, I drove to the address Hayley's given me."

"Why would she phone you?" I asked confused. Bella hardly knew Jasper.

"I'm getting there. When I got there Hayley answered the door after I gave my name to her of course. Anyways, she led me to Bella," he said and swallowed hard, "Bella was covered in blood Ed. She was lying in a pool of blood and was unconscious; she was actually dying. Her pulse were weak and she has lost a lot of blood." He said with a trembling voice. I had to close my eyes from the burning tears that formed in my eyes. That's what happened and like the idiot I was I thought she was trying to kill herself.

"What the fuck did he do?" I hissed.

"He slit her wrists, if that's what you can call it. He wanted her dead. Hayley begged me not to take her to the hospital because Mike would find them there so I called Carlisle and he helped Bella." He whispered. "That was fucked up and the worst part is that Bella wanted to go back to him-"

"What?" I yelled.

"Yup. If it weren't for Hayley they would still be living there." He said in astonishment.

"So how did Hayley convince Bella?" I asked. Unbelievable, she would have gone back to him. Why?

"She asked her 'how long are you going to let this go on mommy? He almost killed you now, what's going to happen to me when he succeeds next time? I don't want to live with him anymore'. That was her direct words. I was worried about Hayley. She saw the whole thing and she was in hysterics." He sighed. "It's good to see her so alive and happy." He added.

"I can't believe she wanted to go back to him; even after she knew she would have a place to stay and a job. What the hell was she thinking?" I asked more to myself than to Jasper.

"She's scared shitless of that man Edward. He is a lawyer and she's scared he'll find her." He covered for Bella.

"Guess you are right." I sighed.

"There's something that bothers me though," he started saying and I raised an eyebrow. "I booked their tickets and Hayley's birth certificate said the father was unknown. She has Mike's surname but his name is not on that certificate."

I frowned at this statement. This was weird, why would Bella not put Mike's name on her birth certificate?

"The other thing Ed, when exactly did Bella leave?" he asked and sounded nervous.

"1st of April 2004, you know this bro you tried to hold me together. Why?"

"Because Hayley was born six months after Bella left-"

"Wait, what?" I interrupted him. I felt my eyes widen and my heart was beating out of control.

"Hayley was born October 3rd 2004 in Forks. Either she cheated on you or…" he drifted off. How the hell is this possible. I can't believe I didn't see this.

"This all makes sense now; why she would marry Mike right after she left me, why Hayley looks so much like Jade and reminds me of her. How the hell could she keep this from me?" I hissed.

"Are you sure she's yours?" Jasper asked and I glared at him.

"Of course I'm sure, Bella never cheated on me. I believe that now after seven fucking years." I lashed out on him. I can't understand why she didn't tell me the other night when we talked about the past. She had a golden opportunity to tell me the truth. Why keep it a secret?

"Are you okay? I'm sorry I brought this on Ed but I figured this out after Bella left and I think you have a right to know." He explained.

"No it's fine Jaz, thank you for telling me. If it weren't for you I probably would never have known about Hayley." I said and felt warm tears roll down my cheeks. I have a daughter; Hayley is my daughter. I have missed six years of my daughter's life because I was weak for five seconds.

Everything Bella and Hayley went through was my fault. I did that to them and I'll never forgive myself. The other thing that really angers me is the fact that Bella kept this from me. I have a daughter and she should have told me. At that moment Hayley ran across the grass towards us and new tears formed in my eyes. My heart ached at the thought of everything she had to endure. I knelt down and she walked into my arms. I closed my eyes and inhaled the scent of her hair; she uses the same shampoo as Bella and it smells like strawberries. This is my daughter that's standing in my arms.

I know I have to ask Bella but I'm already one hundred percent sure that this is my daughter. Bella was three months pregnant when she left. I can't begin to imagine what she went through. The pregnancy alone must have been scary for her and then she sees Tanya kissing me and that must have been brutal and then she marries a fucking monster who almost…he almost killed my baby.

"What's wrong Eddie?" she asked me while cupping my face in her tiny hands. I could only shook my head as I felt more tears form in my eyes. I'm just so overwhelmed right now; there are no words to describe what I'm feeling right now.

"Come watch Shrek with me please. Emmie made popcorn and everything." She said and I chuckled. She's so beautiful and I don't know why I haven't seen this before but she has my eyes. I feel like an idiot for not seeing this, for figuring this out.

"Sure sweet girl let's go watch the green ogre and the talking donkey trying to build a friendship…or whatever it is they do." I smiled. She jumped up and down and me and Jaz followed her into the house. He looked sympathetic but I assured him that I was okay. I'm waiting for Bella though. I want the truth and I want to hear it out of her mouth, tonight.

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><p><strong>I wasn't sure how I wanted Edward to find out until I started writing this chapter. I figured since Jasper knew everything about Edward and he knew when Bella left, that he would be the one to enlighten Edward. Also because he helped Bella and Hayley get out of Forks and he saw Hayley's birth certificate. That's also how Bella could have left the country with Hayley without Mike's consent! <strong>

**Share your thoughts…hope I didn't disappoint you guys. Thanks for reading this story…means a lot to me.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. Song is owned by Skillet and the name is "Rebirthing"**

**So many people reviewed so I'm going to skip the list…but you know who you are and I want to say thank you so much for the responses I've got. It made my day…thank you everyone.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 9 – Rebirthing<strong>

**Bella's POV**

We drove around the reserve and Jacob showed out a lot of animals. My mind was with Edward of course. He still has a long, long way to go. I know exactly what he was referring to and it blew my mind. I didn't even hear half the things Jacob said because I was thinking about Edward. I know I have a long way to go; not just about letting Edward go, which I think is impossible, but I also have a fucked up heart, body, soul and mind to heal and just like letting Edward go would be impossible, this feels the same way.

"Bella," Jacob sighed. I turned my head his way and realized for the first time that we've stopped. "You haven't heard a word that I have said." He accused.

"I'm sorry Jacob." I sighed.

"C'mon, we're here." He said and jumped out of the cruiser and ran around to get the door for me. "Just so you know I have to take you on another game drive because you haven't paid attention to anything I showed you." He said while helping me out of the cruiser. He led me to riverside scene where there were lanterns burning everywhere; this must be a regular spot from what I see.

Jacob left me next to the river and ran back to the cruiser. I felt awful for ruining the evening so far. Jacob obviously went through a lot of trouble and I'm ruining it by thinking about Edward. My heart fluttered just by the thought of his name. I never stopped loving him and I don't think I ever will. Edward is a one-and-only-time thing, not in a bad way; my one and only love, my one and only soul mate, the one and only man that ever made love to me. These are the kind of one and only's I'm talking about.

Jacob brought a picnic basket with him and spread a blanket on the grass. He offered me a beer and I accepted.

"So Bella, where are you from?" he asked and I frowned. I'm not in the mood for a game of twenty questions but I already feel bad for ruining the game drive so I answered him.

"Forks and Seattle, why?"

"Just curious. Forks hey? I grew up there, well La Push actually…how come I never saw you there?" he asked.

"I moved there in 2004 after growing up in Seattle." I said without mentioning Mike.

"Figures, I moved to Seattle in 2004 after I met Jaz and Edward. Edward has bought this place a year later and I decided to move here and help him with the business." He grinned while sipping his beer.

"I hate Forks; a piece of me died every second I had to live in that place." I said staring in front of me at nothing.

"Why? I mean it's small sure, but hate? That's such a strong word Bella…"

"I know what hate is Jacob. I hate Forks." I said without emotion.

"Who fucked you up?" he asked. I just shook my head.

"I don't wanna talk about it." I slowly turned my head to his side and looked at him. He will never be more than a friend. I think he's a good man but not my man.

"I didn't mean to pry, I'm sorry." He said sincerely. I didn't answer him and the flowing river was the only sound between us. I finished my beer and Jacob took the bottle and placed another beer in my hands.

"Jacob, I really appreciate what you've done tonight and everything but-"

"You wanna go home." He finished for me. I opened my mouth to ask him how he knew and he chuckled. "I sensed it Bella, your head is not here and to be honest with you, it's kind of freaky to see you like this. You are so out of it." He whispered. "I really like you Bella and I want to get to know you better. Maybe we can set up another date or something…just as friends." He chuckled and lifted up his hands when he saw my face.

"Urm…sure. I'm sorry for ruining your night." I apologized while we packed everything up and went back to the cruiser.

The drive home was quicker than when we came. Jacob didn't say anything else and I sensed that he was very disappointed. When he parked the cruiser I stopped him from getting out.

"You don't have to walk me to the door Jake. Thank you for everything and once again, I'm sorry." I said and pecked him on his cheek before I climbed out and walked to the kitchen door. I didn't look back at Jake or waited for him to say something but I have a feeling that I won't go out with him again. I'm not good company at all.

There wasn't a sound in the house which tells me that everyone went to bed…nope, I heard guitar chords and knew Edward was still up. I made my way to the music room but stopped at the entrance of the door and fall back against the wall, sliding down and hugging my knees. I close my eyes listening and taking in every word out of Edward's mouth. His voice is soothing and so warm; it comforts my heart. He sang about three songs without noticing me and when he started singing his next song it brought a smile to my face. He struggled with the chorus, and I knew what was wrong but I enjoyed listening to him trying to figure it out. I started laughing and Edward's head snapped up, meeting my gaze from across the room.

I jumped up and walked across the room. Something was different, I could see it in Edward's eyes but I tried to ignore it. I took a stand behind him and looked at the lyrics. I took the pen out of the pocket of his shirt and started scribbling on his music sheet. He looked at me in amazement and I couldn't help the giggle that escaped my mouth. My eyes widened at the sound; it felt like decades since the last time I giggled.

"What if I sing that part," I whispered and pointed to the lines with the pen. "If we do it like that; the words will flow together. That's why you couldn't get it right; a back-up singer or someone else is supposed to sing that part."

"Where did you learn this Bella?" he asked.

I shrugged my shoulders, "I just had a lot of free time on my hands to figure stuff out Edward." I changed more lines in his lyrics and he crossed his arms. "Let's try it?" I suggested and he nodded. I grabbed the acoustic guitar and Edward readjusted himself behind the keyboard.

I strummed the intro chords and right after that Edward's notes harmonized with my chords and the acoustic melody filled the whole room.

"**I lie here paralytic inside this soul…screaming for you 'till my throat is numb. I wanna break out, I need a way out…I don't believe that it's gotta be this way. The worst is…the waiting, in this womb I'm suffocating." **He sang and his velvet voice not only harmonized with the melody of our instruments but also with my heart. He is filling my heart with love and comfort.

"**Feel your presence, filling up my lungs with oxygen…I take you in…I've died."**

"**Rebirthing now…I wanna live for love wanna live for you and me-"he** sang and I went into the next line.

"_Breathe…for the first time now, I come alive somehow" _

"**Rebirthing now…I wanna live my life wanna give you everything"**

"_Breathe…for the first time now, I come alive somehow"_

"**Right now…right now!"**

"**I lie here lifeless…in this cocoon. Shedding my skin 'cause…I'm ready to. I wanna break out, I found a way out. I don't believe that it's gotta be this way. The worst is, the waiting…in this womb I'm suffocating."**

We sang the chorus again but Edward stopped before we could do the bridge. Something's up, I can tell. He does not know how to start the conversation. It bugs me.

"What brought the song on?" I asked to start somewhere. A crooked smile formed on his lips but it didn't reach his eyes.

"I was dead before you and Hayley showed up Bella; it's like I was reborn. You have no idea how whole my heart feels…well almost whole." He explained.

"I understand…I wish I could say the same thing about my heart. I'm happy that we were some kind-"

"No, not some kind…you were it Bella." He interrupted me. I crossed my arms and took a seat next to him on the bench in front of the keyboard.

"What's up?" I asked bluntly. Obviously there's something wrong and I wanted to know what the hell it was.

"Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant before you left?" he whispered with his eyes closed. It felt like the oxygen inside my lungs escaped through one huge hole and I was instantly suffocating. How the hell does he know this?

"How did-"

"Does it matter how? I just wanna know the truth Bella and I wanna hear it out of your mouth." He said. The weird part though is that Edward isn't mad and that bothers me. He is supposed to be pissed right now but he is acting so calmly but his voice is thick with hurt and sadness. So much so that it's like a dagger stab to my heart.

"After I saw you with Tanya, I couldn't face you. I didn't have the guts and was so afraid that you'll reject me. I thought that I was nothing to you Edward and I argued with myself that a baby wouldn't change your feelings. I honestly thought that you wanted Tanya and I wasn't going to stand in your way and hold you back with a baby." I whispered as the warm tears rolled down my cheeks. I felt his body turn to face me and I quickly closed my eyes. He gently took my chin between his thumb and index finger and pulled my face to face him.

"Open your eyes Bella." He whispered and my eyes obeyed him. His emerald green eyes were swimming in tears and a raw sob escaped my throat seeing him like this. "I would have given everything, _everything_ to hear you say you were pregnant, love. In the four months that we were together I have never felt so alive before and I've never felt so much love for someone before Bella. I regret that I failed to show you how much I really loved you and that you were everything to me,_ everything_."

"I'm so…sorry." I sobbed and before I knew what was going on I was wrapped up in his arms. He held me tightly and the both of us cried our hearts out. Another step towards healing. The first time when we talked about what happened seven years ago we argued at first and then talked. This is so different. Now Edward knows about Hayley and it feels like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

"Why aren't you angry?" I asked through tears and heard him chuckle through his tears.

"Angry is an understatement, I was absolutely, furiously livid." He smiled a crooked smile, "But then I came in here and started singing and playing some instruments. It was soothing to say the least. I decided that I would handle this like an adult and not like an idiot teenager. Besides, fighting each other will get us nowhere Bella. It just causes more heartache and I don't know about you, but I have had enough fucking heartache to last me a million years." He chuckled. I felt a smile form on my lips and Edward traced the lines of my lips with his index finger.

"There's the smile that I love so much; the smile that brings sparkles to these chocolate brown eyes and make them come alive. The smile that lights up your whole face." He said and placed a strand of hair behind my ear.

"I was almost three months pregnant when I left you. I was scared shitless but then Mike suggested that I marry him. He promised to take good care of me and the baby. I believed him because I knew Mike since I was five years old and I knew he was in love with me. I moved to Forks with Mike and got married the day after I left you." I explained because I felt calm enough to do it now. Edward always had a way to calm me down.

"He almost killed you and Hayley-"he sounded furious.

"Mike couldn't deal with the fact that I loved you and that I couldn't get over you. I moped around and fell into a deep depression after I left you. My heart was bleeding constantly and…I talk in my sleep. Your name was permanently on my lips during my sleep and I guess it was a constant reminder to Mike that I will never love someone else. Mike started drinking a lot and that's when everything changed. He was jealous off you; because I left my heart with you when I left and because I had a part of you growing inside me. He knew that my daughter had your blood running in her veins and she would be a constant reminder of my love for you." I explained but it sounded like I was trying to cover for Mike, which was not the case. I just think that I can understand where all of his rage and hate came from.

"So he tried to kill you?" he asked in disbelief.

"Yes he did because I loved you too much. Luckily he didn't succeed." I nodded. "When I held Hayley for the first time after I regained consciousness I felt your love and I somehow knew then that you had to have loved me. I lived for Hayley and I will die for her Edward. Hayley saved my life more than once to be honest." I said.

"It's hard to believe that I have a daughter; that I had a daughter all this time and never knew about her existence. I missed almost seven years of her life." He cried softly and it broke my heart. He sniffed a little and wiped a few tears away which were pretty useless as new tears kept rolling down his cheeks. "You know what pisses me off though?" he asked and I shook my head sideways. "Mike was supposed to be her father; he was supposed to show her unconditional love, make her feel safe. Teach her kindness, happiness, tenderness and patience. Instead he showed her hate and made her live in fear, not for her own life but for the life of her mother. He showed her sadness, impatience, harshness and rage. He fucked my daughter's life up because he was jealous of me. He stole her childhood and crushed it underneath his feet because of me." He sobbed loudly now and I couldn't take it anymore. I wrapped my arms around him to give him some comfort but it felt useless to me because I was in desperate need of comfort myself as I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces.

"I want to tell you something Bella." He said and I raised my eyebrow.

"Okay, what is it?" I asked nervously.

"A while back I wished that I could go back in time. And every time that I thought about it, I would see myself standing in front of two roads. One road is leading to you and the other road is leading to my children. I can't have one with the other; I have to have one without the other. And every time that I see myself in front of these two paths, I always pick my children. They were the reason I lived, the reason that I so much as breathed." He whispered and my head fell. I can't blame him; I would do the same for my daughter. She comes first in my life and I would choose her above anything else without a doubt. He lifted my chin once again to face him. "I loved my children don't get me wrong but for the first time I see myself taking the road back to you. And it's not because of Hayley though she is a big part of it. It is because I love you more than anything in this world Bella and the thought of what you went through literally kills me. If I could change that, no matter what the price would be, I would pay it. You mean the world to me Bella and I'm sorry that I ruined your life." He whispered.

"You didn't ruin my life Edward, you are Hayley's father and that's the most perfect gift anyone could have given me." I said. "As for the other things, they were your children and you can't imagine what your life would have been like without them-"

"I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for them. My heart was broken over you and they kept my heart beating." He interrupted me.

"I know the feeling." I smiled. "I love you too. I have never stopped loving you but I can't be in a relationship right now. I'm sorry Edward but half the time I don't even know if I'm alive or dead. I don't feel sane and just the thought about a man touching me makes me sick." I said honestly because it was the truth. I'm not ready for a relationship right now; I'll only end up hurting Edward again.

"I understand Bella. Just answer this, is there a chance for us? No matter how small of a chance it is, I need to know if I'm fighting for nothing."

"I want to tell you that there is a chance really I do but honestly I can't. I don't know where I'm headed Edward; It feels like I'm standing at the edge of a cliff. Jumping off the cliff would definitely solve my problems and I'll never feel pain again but there's the one percent part of me that wants to fight with the little strength I have left." I whispered.

"If you jump I'll do everything in my power to catch you Bella. Please, please don't jump." He pleaded while intertwining our hands. "One percent is better than nothing; I'll fight with you Bella. I'll give everything and do anything to help you fight the urge to jump."

"Thank you for loving me Edward and for fighting with me." I turned our hands and kissed the back of his hand. His skin set my lips on fire and made my heart beat out of rhythm.

"What are you we going to tell Hayley?" he asked. "I want her to know that I'm her father and that that monster wasn't." he said the last part through clenched teeth.

"What did you just say Eddie?" both of our heads snapped up and we turned around to see our daughter standing there, eyes widened and mouth open.

"Urm sweetie-"I started saying but she held her tiny hand up to stop me. It was times like this that I wished she would act her age.

**Edwards' POV**

"Mommy don't lie please. I heard Eddie say that he is my father…is that true?" she asked and tears were starting to form in her eyes. Bella was frozen next to me but I couldn't take it anymore. I jumped off the bench and ran to my daughter. I hated seeing her like this.

"Baby girl you weren't supposed to find out like this. I'm sorry you overheard-"I tried to explain but she interrupted me.

"Eddie, just tell me the truth." She pleaded and the tears burned my eyes. She looked so confused, so fragile and it broke my heart to see her like this.

"Yes I'm your daddy." I simply said. Her chest started heaving before she broke into sobs. I took her into my arms and she wrapped her arms around my neck. "Sweetie please don't cry. It breaks my heart to see you so sad." I pleaded as I felt her body shaking in my arms.

"Why couldn't you have been my daddy from the beginning? Why did I first have a monster for a daddy?" she cried into my neck and a raw sob escaped my throat. How do I answer that question?

"I don't know baby. If it was within my power to go back and change everything Hayley, I would do it." I said and it killed me to feel her body shake in my arms.

"Do you remember when I asked you if you would consider my mommy for a girlfriend?" she still asked into my neck.

"Yeah," I chuckled because it was the first time I had a conversation with Hayley and the first time I felt alive again.

"I remember that you said you didn't want a girlfriend, but every night since that day I would wish that you would change your mind and be my mommy's boyfriend." She said with a trembling voice. "Half of the wish came true though, you are my daddy now." I chuckled at her honesty. She was still sad, I could feel it.

"Hayley I love you more than anything in this world and I promise that I'll protect you with my life. No one will ever hurt you or your mommy ever again."

I was so overwhelmed right now. I confessed my love to Bella which she didn't deny exactly and it gave me hope. And now my daughter knows that I'm her father. I don't know how this will affect Hayley but I plan on being there every step of the way.

My first priority now is my daughter. And I plan on erasing every single bad, brutal memory that that fucker tattooed into my daughters mind. I plan on spending the rest of my life to show Hayley how much I love her and to make her happy. To erase all the fear in her little heart.

"I love you too Ed- I mean daddy." She smiled and hearing her call me daddy makes my heart swell. I'm beyond happy; words can't express the way I'm feeling right now.

"Mommy needs a hug baby girl," I whispered into her ear. I put her back on her feet and she ran to Bella. Bella's arms circled Hayley and she kissed her on her head.

"I love you so much Hayley-baby; there are no words to express my love for you." She said to our daughter and I felt a smile form on my lips.

"I love you too mommy and I'm sorry that I was rude to you." She said. Bella smiled the most gorgeous smile I've ever seen.

"You weren't rude honey; you were confused I think and a little angry and hurt." She said.

"I was. Will you tell me in the morning everything? I'm really-"Hayley yawned "sleepy now"

Bella and I laughed and we took Hayley upstairs and I tucked her into bed with Bella. She was sound asleep before I could give her a goodnight kiss. I left Bella's room after we decided that we would continue our conversation in the morning.

This day held a few surprises for me; first the date with Jake which I completely forgot to ask Bella about. I found out that Hayley was my daughter and Bella told me that she loved me too. I just wish that she would have given our relationship a chance. At least she didn't say no. The best I could do now is hope and believe that Bella won't jump. I know she meant it metaphorically but it's still bothering me. It means to me that she's falling apart.

I'm so relieved now that I had time to calm down before I talked to her about Hayley; if she would have been here after Jasper and I spoke…shit, it would have been bad. I was beyond pissed and it would have just caused another huge fight. I think Hayley also helped me to calm down a lot. Watching the Shrek movie with her was calming indeed. I can't remember the last time I laughed like that. I'm starting to feel positive and I'm excited about the future…a future with my Bella – if I can help her heal.

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><p><strong>What do you think about Hayley knowing now? I remember my daughter being six and telling her about her father was not this easy. I just don't think that Bella needs more shit right now. <strong>

**Oh and to answer some of your questions…Mike is not forgotten. That's all I'm saying…**


	11. Chapter 11

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters! Song is owned by Flyleaf and the name is "I'm sorry"**

**Thanksies to Cullengirl08, twilightSVU, Mz-Star, Isabela is online, theresa24 and jlynnm87 for taking the time to review…oh yeah and the anonymous reviewer…thank you so much. Everyone that reviews is helping me through this story and I really appreciate it. Thank you guys…you are amazing readers.**

**Also a huge thanks to everyone that added this story to their favorite story lists!**

**I don't think this story is going to be that long…I'm guessing five more chapters; may be less may be more.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 10 – Your scars are mine…<strong>

**Bella's POV**

Her giggles woke me up and something else…something was tickling my nose. I opened only one eye and saw my daughter fiddling with my hair and tickling me with a strand of hair. Every time that I would rub my nose she would giggle. She was about to repeat her action when I suddenly grabbed her and started tickling her. Her laughter filled my heart with so much joy that I'm almost unable to breathe.

"Mommy…stop…mom-"she squirmed in my arms. I fell down on the bed next to her and we laughed together. We were out of breath when our laughter calmed. My daughter's chest was heaving and she had the most adoring smile on her face.

"Are you happy baby?" I asked.

"I'm very happy mommy." She sighed. It was a sigh of relief I think or maybe happiness and blissfulness. Normally I'm very good with deciphering my daughter's emotions but ever since we came to this game reserve she's changed so much. Not that I'm complaining; she's happy here and that is more than I could have asked for.

"Do you wanna talk before I get ready for work?" I asked and she nodded. She quickly sat up and crossed her legs.

"How did you and daddy meet?" she asked. It doesn't even feel like seven years ago; if I think about it now it is as if it happened yesterday or merely hours ago.

"We just graduated from school; we were in the same school but I never paid attention to Edward and never showed interest in him whatsoever. My grades were the most important thing in my life back then. I didn't have a social life and never went out. It was December and I was at the beach just chilling. Edward was there playing volleyball with some friends and he noticed me. I recognized him from school and everything but that was really the first time we actually met. You can say it was love at first sight and ever since that day we were inseparable. We did everything together." I explained and my heart ached when most of the memories returned and crawled back into my heart. For so long now I have ignored them and refused to think about those times.

"What happened? I mean why aren't you together?" she asked innocently. I knew she was going to ask this question but I still don't know what to tell her. I don't want to lie to her; lies have a way to come out and it just complicates situations. I took a deep breath and moved a strand of hair out of her eyes.

"I went to daddy's house to say goodbye one last time because he was going away to some music school or something and I was not going to see him for a while. He had a lady friend in his room and they hugged. I jumped to the wrong conclusions and left without saying anything. I never went back to him." I said and was too afraid to look into her eyes. I was afraid that she would blame me for everything that went wrong in our life; basically I was scared shitless that she would judge me. But when I finally met her gaze there was nothing but love in her eyes.

"Baby, I want to apologize to you," I began but she held her tiny hand up.

"For what mommy?"

"For keeping you from Edward all these years. For stealing your childhood and your right to your real father." I said but she quickly placed her hand over my mouth.

"I had you mommy and I had your love. You are the best mommy in this world and I love you." She said and pecked me on my cheek. Her lips are always so soft and it's like a remedy to my broken heart. I would always feel better once she told me that she loved me and kissed me.

"You have no idea how much I love you." I said and pulled her into a hug. She suddenly gasped and her eyes widened.

"Guess who showed up here?" she said.

I shook my head sideways with a smile, "Nope I have no idea-"

"Jazzie and his wife Allie." She squealed and I frowned.

"Really? When did they arrive?" I asked in surprise.

"Yesterday with Emmie. They wanted to surprise Ed-I mean daddy." She said and a blush spread over her cheeks.

"I'm sure he was very surprised." I said and she nodded her head. "Well I have to get ready for work. Is there anything else you want to know baby girl?" I asked. She bit her bottom lip and looked down.

"Do you love daddy?" she asked through her teeth. I closed my eyes and sighed.

"I do love him actually, I love him very much." I confessed to my little angel and a humongous smile spread across her face.

"That's all I wanted to know." She grinned. I didn't reply because how can I tell her that I might never be ready to take Edward back. It wouldn't be fair to him if I just pushed myself into a relationship with him right now.

**Edward's POV**

"Daddy, daddy wake up." Hayley said while jumping on my bed. I groaned out loud and pulled the pillow over my head.

"Nooooo…need more sleep." I groaned. Her cold hands grabbed my foot and started tickling me. I pulled away quickly and she giggled. I sighed and dragged the top of my body up. "Okay I'm up." I groaned. She jumped onto the bed again and cupped my face.

"I woke this morning with a song in my heart, do you wanna know why?" she said with a smile. Her sweet voice was music to my ears.

"Why?" I grinned.

"Because you are my daddy. I have the sweetest, bestest, prettiest daddy in the whole world. And I feel like the luckiest little girl on this planet." She giggled and my heart swelled. I had to chuckle at the word 'bestest' although it rhymed with her sentence it sounded so weird.

"I'm the lucky one Hayley believe me." I said and pinched her nose. "Let's go have some breakfast." I suggested and she jumped off the bed.

Hand in hand we walked to the kitchen where we usually have our breakfast and everybody was already seated, Bella included. She smiled when Hayley and I walked into the room.

"For a moment there I thought you were going to sleep yourself to death." My annoying sister smiled. I kissed her on her head and my eyes met Bella's. For the first time since Bella made her appearance back into my life I see life in her eyes. Even if it was a small amount of life it shows and it brings me an enormous amount of hope.

"Pft, I haven't slept like that in six months Ali." I said and took a seat across from Bella and Hayley sat next to Bella. I filled my plate with a slice of toast and bacon and eggs.

"How have you been Bella?" Jasper asked her and I guessed that she haven't been in the kitchen that long.

She cleared her throat before she answered him, "Urm, fine Jasper."

"Emmie, guess what?" my daughter grinned at Emmett. He swallowed his food down before he shook his head.

"No sweetie I'm too tired to guess please just tell me." He said. It's been a hectic couple of days and I think some of us could use a break.

"Eddie is my real daddy." She said and at that moment forks cluttered and eyes popped and jaws dropped.

"What?" Emmett, Alice and Rosalie asked at the same time. Hayley giggled and thought it was very funny.

"Is this true?" Emmett asked frowning and I nodded. "How?" he asked and I raised an eyebrow.

"Do you really wanna know how?" I asked and Jazz chuckled.

"You know what I mean." Emmett said and rolled his eyes.

"Long story, fact is, Hayley is my daughter which makes all of you guys her aunts and uncles." I smiled.

"Well fu-" Emmett was about to say fuck so I kicked him from under the table. "Ow!" he cried out.

"Your dirty language in front of little angels is unacceptable Em." I chastised. He mouthed fuck off and pulled a face.

Everyone was quiet throughout breakfast, I don't know if they thought Hayley's announcement through or mine or whatever. Was weird to look at everyone and know their thoughts were somewhere else.

When we arrived at the office I checked the bookings and schedules and was thrilled that we had four days before the next guests will arrive. I'm thinking about taking time off and spend more time with Bella and Hayley.

"Can we talk?" Bella came into my office and asked up front. I sat back in my chair and smiled at her. She took a seat in front of me and smiled back.

"When I left Forks and Mike, I just left Edward…"

"I don't understand Bella." I said.

"I'm still married to him Edward. There's no way that I could file for a divorce because he would know where I am and the possibility of him finding me is too risky." She said and bile rose to my throat thinking that she's still married to that bastard.

"There has to be a way out of that marriage." I said.

"I wish there were but I won't take that risk Edward. I'd rather stay married to him forever than letting him find me and force me to go back to him." She whispered and the fear was obvious in her voice.

"Bella," I sighed "Help me to understand why you really stayed with him for seven years, please." I begged and heard her sigh. She rubbed her hands together and looked really nervous.

"After Hayley's birth when I was released from the hospital, I went back to him after he promised that he'll never do it again. Everything was okay for a couple of weeks and I really thought he changed." Her voice trembled and she swallowed hard.

"I was emotionally drained and my heart was a mess. I missed you more with each passing day and I couldn't get you out of my heart or mind. I cried myself to sleep every night." She said and tears formed in her eyes. My heart broke hearing this.

"Mike went out more and came home drunk every night. Hayley was six months old when he came home drunk again. I waited up for him and as soon as he walked in, fear crawled into my heart. His eyes looked the same as when he almost killed me. I remember him grabbing a fistful of my hair and I cried out in pain. He slapped me across my cheek and it burned like fire. I can't remember everything he did to me…but when he was done and he went back upstairs to our room I cried my heart out." She sobbed.

I stood up and went around my desk and pulled her into my arms and held her tightly.

"For the first time since I left you, I fell asleep without feeling heartache or without thinking about you. The beatings helped me to forget about you for a while and I know it sounds sick and everything, but it kept me going. I preferred the beatings over the heartache over you because that was unbearable. Hayley kept me alive and the beatings kept me from you." She sobbed into my chest.

I hushed her and gently rubbed her back.

"I have hurt you so much that you welcomed beatings just to forget about me. And here I thought Mike was a monster. I am no better than him." I whispered.

"That's why I stayed with him; he took the heartache away. Yes, I know it was in a sick, brutal way but it helped. Besides I made peace with the life I have chosen for myself." She simply said.

"You should never have to settle for second best Bella because you deserve much, much more. You deserve more than the best. I know now that I'm not worthy of your love." I said and it felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest and cut up into a million pieces with a blunt knife. The pain was unbearable.

"If you're not worthy of my love then I'm not worthy of yours. Besides, you are the only one I want and if I can't have you then I don't want anyone else." She said honestly.

"How can you even still love me after everything I did to you Bella?" I asked astound. She smiled perfectly.

"I'll always love you Edward. I don't blame you for one thing I went through; I made my own stupid choices." She sighed.

She looked up into my eyes and her brown eyes were swimming in tears.

"I'm so broken Edward and I can't promise you anything but what I can do is to try." She said and breathed out. I pulled her back into my arms and kissed her head. My heart went into overdrive just feeling her in my arms, feeling her heartbeat against me.

"Bella, I'm not going anywhere. I'll wait as long as I have to even if it is forever. Don't force yourself into something if you're not ready Bella." I said and really meant it. I don't want to force Bella into anything and I don't want to cause her any more pain.

"Thank you Edward. It means a lot to me." She said and kissed me on my cheek before she pulled away. My fingers rested on the place where her lips were a few seconds ago and my fingertips felt like it was on fire.

"I've lost you once; I'm not planning on losing you again, _ever._" I said in determination.

She was about to leave my office when I remembered that I wanted to give everyone off.

"Oh, Bella I think we're taking the rest of the week off. So you can finish off and then we can head home." I smiled.

"Urm, thanks. Give me five minutes okay." She said and left my office.

**Bella's POV**

"Bella, can I talk to you for a second?" Alice chimed.

I nodded and smiled back at her. I really liked Edward's sister. She has so much energy and is so full of life.

"Sure Alice, what's up?" I asked.

She grabbed my hand and pulled me outside to the patio.

"July 30th…" she said and let the phrase just hang in the air. I frowned in confusion.

"Don't you know the meaning of that day?" she asked in surprise.

I thought back and gasped when I suddenly realized.

"Edward's birthday…" I whispered and Alice nodded excitedly.

"Yes and I need your help to throw him a surprise party." She squealed.

"Why me?" I asked and she huffed.

"Well I want it to be really special Bella. Since you and Hayley came here he is a different man…he is so happy Bella." She explained. "Anyways, I was thinking about inviting some of the employees, nothing big. What do you think?" she asked.

"Sure…look I don't know anything about party planning but I just had an idea and I'll need fifteen minutes of the night's agenda." I said with a smile.

"What are you going to do?" she asked and I shook my head.

"It's a surprise…" I smiled.

Alice and I spent the next fifteen minutes discussing Edward's party. It's in two weeks which does not leave us with a lot of time.

Hayley and Edward were watching a movie and I took off to the music room, feeling the need to let go of some heavy emotions. The last couple of days when I sang with Edward really helped me a lot and I think I should do this more often.

I took a seat on one of the stools and opened my music book to the last song I've written. I pulled the acoustic guitar to my body and let my fingers fall on the strings. It sent tingles down my entire body and my heartbeat picked up.

"_**I'm sorry!" **_I began singing my song and strum the chords of the first verse.

"_**I don't mean to remember…it's true that I dreaaaaaam less often I'm…not ashamed, of that long December. Your hand's coming down again…" **_I sang with a fast beat. It's not the usual depressing stuff and I think I owe it all to Edward because it's as if I constantly have a song in my heart these days and I know it's because Edward told me that he loved me and he's waiting for me.

I strummed the chorus and closed my eyes.

"_**I close my eyes and brace myself…I only noticed your face. No matter what you're gonna build my sheeeeellllll…no matter what you're gonna build my sheeeeellllll"**_

With my eyes still closed I strummed the bridge and smiled. I love Edward and I want to be better so I can be with him forever and always.

"_**My scars are yours today…this story ends so good…I love you and I understand…that you stood where I stood."**_

"_**Close my eyes and brace myself…I only noticed your face. No matter what you're gonna break my sheeeellllll…no matter what you're gonna break my sheeeeelllllll."**_

"_**I'm done healing!"**_

"_**I'm done healing!" **_I screamed and strummed the last chords of the song.

My chest heaved up and down and I was out of breath but my heart screamed out in joy.

"You're right…" his velvet voice whispered and I slowly turned around to face him. He was leaning against the door frame in all his godlike beauty and I felt my heart race; not out of fear but out of love.

"About what," I whispered back, my voice thick with emotion.

He broke into a genuine smile and his amazing emerald green eyes crinkled the tiniest bit at the corners. I gasped and Edward pushed off the door frame.

"Your scars _are _mine, Bella and I promise that I'll love every single one of them forever."

He slowly approached me. His eyes smoldered mine and I swallowed hard. He knelt in front of me, never leaving my eyes. We just stared at each other and I drank all the love I found in Edward's eyes. I filled my entire body and heart with his love and adoration.

"What are you thinking right now?" I asked. My voice trembled just like my body was trembling.

"I'm thinking about how much I long to kiss you right now…" he whispered with a hoarse voice. The intensity between us was overwhelming and my heart started beating wildly, out of rhythm, wildly. I almost feel terrified of kissing him and to be honest I'm really scared…I don't know what to do and how to handle it. What if I freak out? My body had a mind of its own as I leaned over. I was getting closer to his face and the last thought that ran through my mind at that moment was…it's too late to back off now. And I'm not sure I want to stop anymore.

I leaned forward and felt Edward's hand cup my cheek, pulling me closer. We were very close to each other and I could hear Edward's breathing, I could feel his warm breath on my face and as I inhaled his scent; the scent I've been longing for all these years, I gasped and wrapped my one hand around the back of his neck pulling him closer.

Our lips lightly brushed against one another's and a weird growl escaped Edward's throat. He trailed his tongue on my bottom lip and I closed my eyes at the sensations that are going through my body. Not in a sexual way but in a loving way. I needed Edward's love more than anything right now; I needed for him to show me that he really, truly loves me and there's no better way to do it than his kiss right now. I feel every single emotion that's going through Edward and it fills my heart with happiness and love and joy.

I parted my lips slightly, giving him permission to enter my mouth and as soon as his sweet, warm tongue enters my mouth I moaned and pulled him closer. Edward gently started to move his lips against mine, his tongue exploring my mouth. He moaned softly when his tongue found mine and our tongues started dancing together; lips moving slowly in unison. Both my hands reached up into his hair and my fingers knotted themselves with his hair. His arms went around me and pulled me off of the stool and I straddled him.

We were so close to each other and he smoldered as if his body was on fire. The heat was oppressive and we were both having trouble breathing. Edward gently ended our kiss and my lips turned cold as soon as his lips left mine. He looked into my eyes; passion burning in his and I'm sure in mine as well.

"That kiss…wow." He breathed and a smile broke across his face.

"Yeah, that was hot…I think." I exhaled and Edward chuckled.

"You think?" he raised an eyebrow.

"I haven't felt like that in seven years Edward. I guess I forgot how it's supposed to feel." I explained shyly and felt the heat burning my cheeks.

His finger trailed down my cheek and smiled.

"I should work on making you feel like a woman again." He smiled.

"I kind of felt that right now-"I blushed and Edward chuckled.

"I hope I didn't push you when I kissed you right now." He said a little nervously.

I shook my head and placed my hand over his mouth.

"At first I was terrified, but when our lips connected, I felt all your love and it kind of calmed me down."

The most beautiful smile broke across his face and it really showed off his emerald green eyes and brought love to them.

"You felt my love for you?" he asked.

I nodded and smiled back at him.

"Yes I did Edward and I think I'm starting to live again."

He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and smiled.

"You have no idea how much that phrase just meant to me Bella." He swallowed. "One step at a time; we'll take it slowly and what's healthy for your heart and mind."

"You are all I need; you and Hayley. Thank you for being so patient with me Edward." I said.

"Bella, I love you more than life itself and I will do anything for you." He said. "I'm patiently waiting for you to take a step back from the edge of the cliff where you're standing; still praying that you won't feel the need to jump." He whispered.

I smiled with tears in my eyes and cupped his beautiful face between my hands.

"I think I just took a step back Edward." I said and my heart swelled.

Edward brushed his lips against mine and my lips moved with his, sending shivers down my body. I may not be completely fine or whatever but I know one thing for sure; I love this man with every beat of my heart, with every breath that I take and I'm not losing him again…ever!

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><p><strong>Please Review and tell me what you thought about them kissing. Edward's party is the next chapter…and a surprise visit from Bella's past. <strong>


	12. Chapter 12

**Stephenie Meyer owns twilight characters. Lyrics belong to (my favorite) Angels & Airwaves :-D and Bryan Adams!**

**Thank you: vampiregurl; esme Nicole Cullen; Isabela is Online; cullengirl08; theresa24! You guys are the best.**

**I'm sorry that I took so long to update…and this chapter is not Edward's party :-( i'm sorry it didn't work out that way but i'm working on the next chapter and it's definitely Edward's party and a visit from Bella's past.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 11 – Everything is magic and life is waiting to begin…begin for us!<strong>

**Edward's POV**

I closed my eyes as the memory of Bella's lips against mine filled my mind. Her sweet, soft and warm lips moving against mine was so fucking amazing and it did amazing things to my body…and my heart. My heart was beating so fast that I actually felt it pounding against my chest.

Kissing Bella was the naturalist thing in this world. Her lips felt so familiar as if I've been kissing her every second of every day of the last seven years.

Bella's lips have always been my weak point. I would crumble just by a brush from her lips and it used to be a big fucking turn on for me…and still is. It took every ounce of strength I had to push her away and to be honest it was probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life. I just knew that I had to because even though Bella kissed me back with the same passion and love, I knew she's not ready for intimacy.

Well that was two weeks ago and since then we've grown so much closer. We've been kissing and holding each other…we just really got to know each other again.

'I love you' comes out of her mouth more frequently and without me saying it first. I'm just praying that this is a good progress. I will do anything to make Bella happy, _anything_.

I'll never do anything to jeopardize our relationship ever again. Bella and Hayley is the most important people in my life now and I love them more than life itself.

My heart went into overdrive when I felt two familiar hands on my shoulders. Her touch sends shivers down my entire body, from my head all the way down to the tips of my toes. Her touch sets my heart and body on fire. Her touch makes me crazy…in a good way and I can't seem to think straight.

I felt her lips on the back of my head and my heart almost jumped out of my chest. I moaned out loud and she chuckled softly while running her fingers through my hair.

"Do you have any idea the affect your touch has on me, Love?" I whispered with my eyes closed.

"I think I have an idea…" she whispered into my ear and I quickly turned around and pulled her to my lap.

Bella's arms went around my neck and her lips rested on mine for a second.

"Your lips are so amazingly sweet" I said and kissed her again.

"Are you ready for your birthday present?" she asked me and I nodded.

Tomorrow is my birthday and she said that she wanted to give me my birthday present early. I know that something's going on though because Alice has been very, very sneaky and I know my sister better than anyone else in this world, she's up to something.

Hayley was already in her pajamas and seems very excited to spend the night with Emmett, Rose, Alice and Jasper. She loves all of them and they feel exactly the same about her.

Hayley wrapped her tiny arms around my legs and hugged them tightly. I smiled at her while bending down.

"I'll see you in the morning baby girl and I love you so much." I whispered into her ear and planted a kiss on her head.

"You and mommy have a good time okay." She smiled. "And I love you too."

Bella gave Hayley a kiss and they whispered to each other and I knew they didn't want me to hear. Hayley's giggling laughter was music to my ears and it made me really happy to see her so full of joy.

Bella placed her hand in mine and we walked to the cruiser. She jumped into the driver seat and I grinned.

"When are you going to tell me what you planned for tonight?" I asked but Bella shook her head.

"It's a surprise."

"Please Bella…the suspense is killing me here." I pleaded.

"Nope" she said and popped the 'p'.

I sighed and relaxed against the seat while she drove towards the reserve. Okay so I can guess that we're staying on the reserve. My stomach feels like it's filled with butterflies from the excitement I'm feeling. I don't know what she's planning but I'm really excited. I don't care what she planned, as long as I get to spend every second with her.

We stopped in front of the offices and I noticed one of my staff members walking towards my side of the door and opened it.

"Good evening Mr. Cullen." James said with a smile.

"Good evening James." I said and turned my head towards Bella. She shrugged and gave me a quick kiss.

"I'll see you in a little while." She whispered and her warm breath in my ears sent my heart into overdrive and spread goose bumps all over my body.

Before I could ask her where she was going she took off and ran towards the office.

"If you are ready Mr. Cullen you can follow me to your room." James said and I frowned.

"My room?" I asked in confusion and he nodded.

He started walking down a road that led to 'Eagle's Nest' one of my five star rooms. James opened the door for me and I went inside.

"I'll see you in a few minutes." James said and left me in the room.

I took a look around and saw a silver platter on the bed with a sealed white envelope. When I came closer to the bed I saw red rose petals covered the platter on the inside and a small bottle of champagne held the envelope up. I smiled while I took the envelope between my fingers.

_Take a look inside the closet and you'll find what you need to wear but please hurry because I'm anxiously waiting for you…thirty minutes would do it._

I threw the note down and walked to the closet. My mouth dropped when a black tux hung there just waiting for me to put on. Well…this night is filled with surprises so far and I felt my excitement grew. I grabbed the tux and poured myself a glass of the champagne she left me.

After I got dressed I took a stand in front of the mirror and ran my hands through my hair a couple of times. I finished the last of my champagne and wondered what I'm supposed to do now. I miss Bella and I don't want to wait any longer to see her.

At that moment someone knocked on my door and I sighed when I opened the door and it was James. I thought it would have been Bella.

"You look very good Sir and I assume that you are ready." James smiled and I nodded.

"Thank you James. Yes I'm ready." I said. "You wouldn't know what she's got planned for tonight would you?" I asked.

"I'm sorry Mr. Cullen but I'm not allowed to say anything." He said nervously. "If you are ready then you can follow me."

I followed James up to a path where lit torches burned on either side of the path. It was beautiful and although it wasn't that dark yet, the light looked amazing.

"This is where I leave you Mr. Cullen." He said and handed me another white envelope.

James left and I opened the letter.

_The stars in the sky illuminate below…The light is the sign that love will guide you home_

_-Follow the torched path and come and claim your love…I'm waiting at the end._

I felt the pounding of my heartbeat against my chest and I had a very difficult time to even breathe. Swallowing was even more difficult because of the lump in my throat. I started walking down the path that will lead me to my love, the only woman I'll ever love for as long as I'm alive.

I recognized the path because it led to the waterfall that I took Hayley to when she came with us to the office. Hayley must have showed this place to Bella.

I saw Bella's figure at the end of the path and my heartbeat accelerated and my feet started walking faster. I heard her musical laughter and it almost made me run to her. I stopped a few feet from her and gasped for air.

Bella was wearing a black babydoll dress with cap sleeves and double layered ruffle down the front of the top and the bottom of the dress was layered striped velvet. How do I know this? I have a very irritating sister that's a fashion freak.

Her long beautifully formed legs were covered in black pantyhose and she wore black vinyl pumps with a black bow over the tow. If I had to guess I would say that it had about four and a half inch heels.

She looked fucking amazing with her hair hanging loose and her dark makeup. She was beyond beautiful.

I heard her clear her throat and I completely forgot that I wasn't moving towards her. My eyes found hers and I saw a little nervousness in hers and I wondered why. My eyes never left hers and when I stopped in front of her she smiled.

My hand rested on the small of her back and I gently pulled her towards me. Her arms came around my neck and her hands locked in my hair. I slowly moved closer to her lips and I almost went crazy when she slowly licked her lips. She always does that when she's nervous and I wondered if she knew what the hell that does to my body.

My lips rested on hers for a second taking the sweetness and the warmness in. Her lips moved against mine, slowly at first and it felt as if my lips were on fire. A groan escaped my mouth and I tightened my hold around her body.

She chuckled against my lips and I had to pull back.

"You look amazing, Love." I whispered against her lips.

"Thank you. So do you…sexy as hell." She smiled.

"I love you more than my life Bella." I whispered while my forehead leaned against hers.

"As I love you." She said and gave me on last kiss.

She led me to the waterfall and I gasped. There were lanterns everywhere and on a red carpet was a round table with two chairs. The tablecloth was made of taffeta and was black. In the middle of the table was scrunched up red organza with a silver chandelier that is placed on the organza. The table was set perfectly and it looked amazing.

Bella put a lot of effort in everything so far and I just fell in love with her all over again.

I heard Bella talking to someone and noticed for the first time that there was a waiter standing by the table which I assumed was for the food.

We took our seats by the table and I couldn't take my eyes of off Bella. She was glowing tonight and her eyes sparkled. I reached across the table for her hand and she placed her hand in mine with so much confidence that it almost send tears to my eyes.

"Thank you so much for what you've done so far tonight Bella…" I whispered and my voice was thick with emotion.

"The night is not over yet Edward." She simply said.

"I know I just wanted to say thank you. I've never felt this special…ever. You truly are an amazing woman and I'm so happy that my heart belongs to you and that by some miracle; you feel the same about me. How did I get so lucky?" I asked overwhelmed. My eyes got teary from the emotions that went through my heart.

"I'm the lucky one Edward." She said while squeezing my hand.

The waiter brought our starters, shrimp cocktail. Bella remembers my favorite food. After seven years she still remembers.

We ate in silence and I couldn't help but wonder what she's got planned for the rest of the night.

Our main course consisted of grilled chicken, rice, sweet potato, mixed vegetables in a cheddar cheese souse and a Greek salad.

The waiter poured champagne for Bella and I and she took the glass in her hand.

"I would like to make a toast." She said and I lifted my glass.

"Edward, I love you more than words can say and I promise you that I'll do anything in my power to make you the happiest man alive. You are my rock, my strength, my will to live and to love. Thank you for loving me. I know it's not your birthday yet but happy birthday darling." She said and our glasses clinked together.

"I love you Bella, my love my life. Thank you for doing this." I said and took a sip of my champagne.

At that moment the song that I played for her seven years ago started playing. I played it for her the first time when I told her that I loved her and it was also the first night we made love and when she gave her everything to me. I stood up and held my hand out for hers and she placed her hand in mine.

My hand rested on the small of her back and my other hand held hers high while her other hand rested on my shoulder. We started moving with the soft music and Bella laid her head on my chest.

"**Look into my eyes…you will see, what you mean to me…search your heart, search your soul…and when you find me there, you'll search no more…don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for…you can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for…you know it's true, everything I do, I do it for you"**

I softly sang into her ear while we're moving with the music. She lifted her head and stared into my eyes.

"_Look into your heart, you will find…there's nothing there to hide…take me as I am, take my life…I would give it all, I would sacrifice…don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for…I can't help it, there's nothin' I want more…you know it's true, everything I do, I do it for you"_

She sang back to me and my heart went into overdrive. I could feel Bella's body shiver and I pulled her even closer.

"**There's no love…like your love…and no other, could give more love…there's nowhere, unless you're there…all the time, all the way…yeah!"**

I felt Bella's arm tighten around my neck and I heard soft sniffling sounds from her. I stopped dancing and lifted her chin with my index finger. Her eyes were filled with tears but behind the tears were love and happiness.

"**Yeah, I would fight for you…I'd lie for you…walk the wire for you…yeah I'd die for you…you know it's true, everything I do, I do it for you"**

I sang the last words of the song while looking into her beautiful brown eyes and the biggest smile broke across her face. She looked gorgeous with her tear stained face and beautiful smile.

"I love you Edward Cullen with my whole heart and soul." She sobbed.

"I love you to Isabella Swan." I chuckled and wrapped my arms around her again.

When we returned to our table our desert was ready. Lemon meringue is my favorite and of course that was on the menu.

We walked back to the lodge hand in hand and in silence. Bella stopped in front of my room and gave me a peck on my lips and turned around to leave.

"Where are you going?" I asked and she slowly turned around.

"It's a surprise." She whispered and I felt a smile form on my lips.

I went back into my room and found another white envelope on the same silver platter where the first envelope was.

I opened the envelope and held the card between my fingers;

_Oh I need you now  
>The Earth fell fast asleep<br>this room is safe and sound  
>Will you lay here with me<br>And feel it…_

_I'm in 'Kingfisher'…_

I closed my eyes and tried to calm my breathing. I threw the card on the floor and left my room.

I was a nervous wreck all the way to Bella's room. I don't expect anything from her, not until she's ready. I clenched my fists in my pockets and went straight to Bella's room. I'm nervous as hell standing in front of her door.

She immediately opened the door with a nervous smile when I knocked.

"Hey" she said and motioned with her hand for me to come in.

Panic filled my heart when there were candles lit everywhere and rose petals covered the bed and floor. Obviously Bella has something planned for tonight but I don't know if she wants to do this or if she only wants to please me in doing this. I don't want her to feel pushed or anything.

"Bella," I whispered and met her gaze from across the room. "I don't want you to do anything you don't want to. I don't need this and I'll wait for you even if it takes a hundred years. Please don't feel pressured-"

"Shhh Edward." She interrupted me with her hand over my mouth. I haven't even realized that she was standing right in front of me.

"I want to…I mean I want to try Edward. I love you and I know you will never hurt me so please, please make love to me." She pleaded and I had to swallow around the lump in my throat.

I gently pulled her into my arms and picked her up bridal style and walked to the bed, gently laying her down. I took my jacket and shoes off and crawled onto the bed to where Bella was laying.

Our lips connected and it filled my heart with passion. It felt as if my body was on fire just by Bella's kisses. She gently sucked on my bottom lip and I moaned out loud. As our tongues danced in passion I felt my body longing for Bella, it ached for Bella's touch and for Bella's love.

She tried to cover her body when I removed her clothes. I hovered above her and looked into her eyes.

"I don't care about the scars Love. I love you not your body…please let me love you." I whispered against her lips and brushed my lips against hers.

How can I take away her pain? How can I make her believe that she's beyond beautiful to me? How can I make her believe that I love her and with that I love her scars as well?

"They are ugly, no they are hideous and I don't want you to look at them." She said with tear filled eyes.

"I have seen them Bella and I don't care about that. You are so beautiful…" I said and claimed her lips once again.

**Bella's POV**

I woke up after having the most amazing dream ever. And now, feeling Edward's legs spread across mine and his arm around my waist, I know it wasn't just a dream. We made love last night, passionate love.

He made me feel so special and so loved as if nothing was wrong with my body.

After he told me that my scars don't bother him he started kissing every inch of my body. He kissed every single scar and there were times that my back arched and other times it felt as if my body was on fire where he kissed me.

He would stop at some of the scars and place open mouth kisses on them. When he came to the scar on my abdomen where Mike almost slaughtered me to death; I felt Edward's warm tears roll down my body. He took his time at that scar. Edward worshipped my body last night and it was almost torturous the amount of time he spent on my scars. Every part of my body ached for him and burned for him, but he showed me how much he loved _every _part of my body.

When we finally connected after seven long years; I was so overwhelmed with the love he showered my body with that I cried tears of joy. I have longed for this man for so long and now I had him. To my surprise Edward cried as well.

Being one with Edward in the most intimate way was beyond amazing. The room was filled with our cries of ecstasy and passion as we made love almost the remainder of the night.

"What are you thinking about?" he whispered against my shoulder.

"I'm thinking about our love actually." I smiled.

His hand gently rubbed against my stomach and he sighed.

"Last night was…wow…it was so amazing." He whispered in awe.

"Thank you." I said.

He propped himself onto his elbow and I rolled onto my back.

"Thank you?" he asked.

"For worshipping me last night. For showering my body with your love and adoration. For-"

"I loved doing that Bella. You deserve to be loved completely and you deserve to be adored. Your body deserve to be cherished and loved and adored." He whispered and brushed his lips against mine.

"I want to spend forever with you and love you for eternity." I whispered against his lips.

"You have no idea what those words do to my heart, Love. You'll never lose me Bella…I'm here to stay _forever. _

Edward and I showered together and he soaked my body with soap and sponged every part of my body. It was sexy as hell and so very hot but I'm supposed to help Alice at the house with Edward's party and I can't be late. So I ignored the burning sensations that Edward's touch caused my body and rinsed the rest of the soap off. He looked confused but I only smiled.

"We have to get ready to leave. We promised Hayley that we'll be back early and we've slept in late because of our late activities last night." I chuckled.

Edward smiled my favorite crooked smile and planted a kiss on my head.

"You're right, I'll just wash myself then." He joked.

I got out first and quickly wrapped a towel around my body before I ran to the room. I wanted to get his present ready before he climbed out of the shower.

I pulled on some jeans and a hoodie and waited patiently for him on the bed.

He came out of the bathroom with only the towel wrapped around his waist and I swallowed hard. Tiny drops of water are still running down his body and I stared at his sexy as hell body. He cleared his throat and when I met his eyes they were dancing in amusement and I felt the heat rise to my cheeks.

"See anything you like?" he asked with amusement and I huffed. Edward laughed out loud and came towards me, taking a seat next to me on the bed.

I took the black box in my hands and handed it over to him.

"Happy birthday Edward." I said lovingly.

"You shouldn't have Bella-"he started saying.

"I didn't spend any money." I interrupted him quickly and that brought a smile to his face. He looked so sexy with his unruly wet hair and his emerald green eyes that danced in love, devotion, happiness, desire, adoration and hope.

He gasped when he took the album out of the box.

"I know you haven't been around for the last seven years and I thought it would be amazing if I brought those seven years to you. It's Hayley's life; every milestone she reached, every birthday." I explained.

Edward opened the album to the first page and it was a photo of me when I was about eight months pregnant, it was taken before _he _nearly killed me.

Edward's fingers trailed over the photo and my heart swelled.

"You looked so beautiful Bella." He whispered his voice thick with emotion. His fingers trailed over my big belly and I saw a single tear roll down his cheek.

"I wish I could have placed my hands on your belly and feel our daughter kick against my hand. I wish I could have gone down on my knees in front of you and kissed every part of your belly whispering to my daughter that I loved her more than life itself." He said so softly that I barely heard him.

My hand reached for his and I brought the back of his hand to my lips.

"You're here now and that is all that matters now." I forced out as my own eyes were filled with tears.

"I love you." He simply said and turned to the next page.

"One of the nurses at the hospital took those for me because I was out for a couple of days."

"She was so small…" he trailed off taking every single picture in. The look on Edward's face will be tattooed into my heart and mind. He was completely overwhelmed and in awe.

The love that was shown on his face and reflected in his eyes was too much for me. It almost suffocated me as it was too much to take in. I now know that Edward's love for me alone is too much for me to bear. I mean I feel that my heart is going to explode from the love I have for him but feeling his love now for me was too much for my little heart.

A sob escaped my throat and Edward reacted immediately, pulling me into his arms.

"Bella what's wrong?" he asked worriedly and I shook my head while tears rolled down my cheeks.

"I'm just so overwhelmed Edward." I sobbed into his chest.

"I don't understand-"

"I just felt your love Edward. I mean really, _really _felt your love for me and it's so much more than I've ever imagined. My heart felt like it was going to explode and my lungs kept growing as I breathed your love in, so much that I felt suffocated. I've never felt it before, not in that way anyways."

The most beautiful smile formed on his soft lips and millions of sparkles danced in his eyes. He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and kissed the side of my head.

"I really do love you. I would die for you Bella." He declared and I nodded.

"I felt that you know, and I love you too."

Edward looked through the rest of the album, laughing at times and crying at others. I kept staring at him because every single expression on his face was different and I don't want to miss it.

"Shit!" I yelled out when I looked at the time. Edward's head snapped up and he frowned.

"What?" he asked confused.

"I have to get back to the house." I said.

"Urm okay. I'll just get dressed and come with you." He said and jumped off the bed, still only wearing the wrapped towel.

"No. I'll go and get Hayley, you can stay here and enjoy the rest of the album." I explained quickly.

"Urm okay but-"

"No buts, I'm going." I said and gave him a quick kiss on his mouth. I went to the door and left a very confused Edward behind.

Alice was waiting for me with crossed arms and a tapping foot when I stopped in front of the house with the cruiser.

"I know and I'm sorry." I said while jumping out of the cruiser.

"You are very late Bella." She chastised me and I chuckled.

"It's not funny Bella."

"Look I said I was sorry-"

"Mommy!" I heard the sweet musical voice of my daughter calling me and I turned around where she ran straight into my arms.

"Baby girl, I have missed you so much." I said into her neck and she giggled.

"That tickles." She cupped my face and planted a wet kiss on my mouth. "How was your date with daddy?" she asked.

"It was amazing, thanks to you." I told her and pinched her nose playfully.

"I'm so happy." She said honestly.

I know it's my daughter's dream that Edward and I would be together and be a family and to be honest it's my dream as well. Nothing would make me happier.

"So am I angel." I smiled.

Emmett and Jasper came out of the house and walked towards us. Emmett had a huge fucking grin on his face and I knew what he was thinking. He was about to open his mouth to make fun of me but I held my hand up.

"Not a word!" I warned him and he roared in laughter.

"Aah Bells don't be like that." He pulled a baby face and I chuckled.

"Will you please take Hayley to Edward?" I asked the both of them and they nodded.

"That was the plan." Jazz smiled and wiggled his eyes at me. I narrowed my eyes. I'm relieved that I'm not in Edward's shoes right now with these two. They are going to tease him and make fun of him all day long.

"He is in 'Kingfisher'" I said and kissed Hayley's head.

"See you later sweet girl." I said.

"Okay mommy."

I heard Emmett's roaring laughter all the way to the cruiser where it disappeared when they jumped in.

I followed Alice into the house and couldn't stop thinking about Edward and our night together. How the hell did I ever doubt Edward's love for me? I shivered when I remembered his tender kisses against my scarred body and the burning sensations that his fingertips left on my body. I love him. I never want to be without him. I want his lips glued to mine forever and always as well as his fingertips. I want that burning sensations to last the rest of my life. Edward is so much more than the father of my daughter; he is the love of my life, he is my best friend and my soul mate.

I'll do anything for him and my daughter. Like Edward said; I will gladly lay my life down for him.

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><p><strong>I'm not a big lemons writer so I'm sorry if some of you expected some detail :-)<strong>

**Song is owned by Bryan Adams. And the two letter's Bella wrote to Edward is lyrics from Angels & Airwaves…the best freaking band EVA! Is there anyone else that also enjoys their music?**

**Please review and thank you to all those who takes the time to review and who also reads this story.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Stephenie Meyer owns the twilight characters.**

**Song is owned by Eleventyseven 'Here with me'**

**Isabela is Online; Crazybee3; Shannon Amoroso; Esme Nicole Cullen; cullengirl08;csuter; iamwriter; hiskia; queen cullen0527 – Thank you for your reviews. I loved every single one of them. Keep 'em coming.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 12 – Surprises, surprises!<strong>

**Bella's POV**

Wow…Alice went all out with decorating the patio area. The patio area was next to the house and had an adjoining roof which Alice covered with fairy lights.

There were about ten small round tables with two chairs each covered in ruby red taffeta tablecloths and black organza scrunched up in the center. The tables were already set with plates and cutlery.

The center pieces was a simple clear glass vase about ten inches long filled with water and transparent cellophane were scrunched together and placed inside the vase with the water and three red apples were placed in a row in between the cellophane. It looked amazing.

The chairs were black and Alice made a big bow of ruby red organza at the back of the chairs.

In the corner of the patio were two rectangular tables placed together with the same tablecloths and organza for the food.

Alice asked two of Edward's chefs to prepare the meat and barbecue it for us.

Next to the barbecue area was a huge round platform made of stone which we use for bonfires.

"Okay Bella now we can go and get dressed. Everybody will be arriving in an hour and my mom and dad will be arriving any minute now." She said.

"Wait, are your parents coming too?" I asked in shock. I have met Carlisle but that was before I knew he was Edwards' father.

"Yes and they are especially excited about meeting their grandchild. Well, officially that is because Carlisle already met the both of you but he didn't know that it was his granddaughter." She explained.

"Oh…okay. Well let's get ready then." I said feeling very nervous all of a sudden.

I have given Edward's birthday present to him and tonight I was going to sing him a song. I am going to perform in front of all these people tonight and I'm more than nervous. I have never sung in front of people before…well except for Edward and Hayley.

It's not a formal party so I decided to go with my black lace skirt with a twill bottom that is cut asymmetrically and trimmed with a lace overlay and it consists of pyramid studs as well as a layer of black lace under the skirt. The top of the skirt has a two corset-style lace up panel. Under the skirt I'm wearing diamond net tights with four inch black patent vinyl boots with a black corset style lace-up.

I pulled a crop sleeve top on that features black and white skull and rose prints. The top also has black ribbon corset lacing on both sides and the neckline is trimmed with black satin and features a tie-front mandarin style collar. Black lace and mini-roses edged the crop sleeves.

Alice bought Hayley a blue dress but she refused to wear it and I don't blame her. My daughter does not like dresses and I will not make her wear it. Plus she is only a child for crying out loud. She wanted to go with her skinny jeans and a midnight blue zip-up hoodie. Alice is pissed that my daughter does not like her style of clothing. I chuckled to myself.

My hands are shaking so badly and my heart is beating out of rhythm. I inhaled deeply and closed my eyes. A smile formed on my lips as I thought about last night when Edward made love to me. I have fallen in love with him all over again and the feelings are so much stronger now than it has ever been.

I feel almost untouchable…almost.

I went downstairs and heard Alice's shrill voice and couldn't help the smile that formed. I haven't known Alice that long but I already love her like a sister. You can't help but to fall in love with her. She is so friendly and so full of love and she has a big heart. Hayley is crazy about Alice and Alice adores Hayley. They are like best friends and sometimes I think Emmett and Alice has a fight about who gets to spent the day with Hayley.

"Bella…wow you look beautiful." Alice squealed and I chuckled.

"Thank you Alice." I smiled.

I recognized Carlisle and I assumed the woman with him was Edward's mother. Carlisle came to my side and pulled me into a hug.

"It's so nice to see you again and to see you're looking better." He said and I blushed.

"Thank you so much Carlisle, for everything you did." I swallowed around the lump that formed in my throat.

This man, along with Jasper and my daughter, saved my life. I owe them everything I have.

"I'm just so glad that you are okay Bella." He said. "I would like for you to meet my wife," he led me to Edward's mom and she welcomed me with a warm smile.

"Bella, this is Esme." He said and she hugged me.

I felt so welcome and so loved in her arms and I wanted to stay there forever. I can see where Edward gets his charms from and then I can see where he got his compassion and love from. He was so lucky to have such wonderful parents.

"It is so nice to meet you Bella. I've been wanting to meet you for seven years now-"

"You have? But how…I mean you didn't know about me?" I gasped.

"I have always known about you. I just didn't know your name or what you looked like but I remember the look in my son's eyes that December and also the look four months later. I knew he never loved Tanya, I'm his mother and it's my job to know these things." She smiled.

"I know you would like to get to know each other but Edward will be here in ten minutes and most of the guests have arrived." Alice said and Esme chuckled.

"Let's not keep the guests waiting then shall we?" Esme said and winked at me. Alice can be a bit much at times.

I took a seat at mine and Edward's table while I waited for him. Most of the guests arrived and are all in their seats waiting for Edward, my love, my life, my everything.

"Edward is here so everybody please take your places." Alice squealed and I chuckled.

I could hear Emmett's bouldering laughter echoing as they were coming closer and closer.

"What the fuck do you want here Emmett? I want to see Bella-"Edward said right before he entered the patio. My heart went into overdrive hearing him say my name and that he wanted to see me. Because well, I've missed him so much since I left him this morning. Plus I've missed my little girl who has been spending the day with her daddy.

Everybody jumped up while shouting, "SURPRISE!"

Edward's eyes widened and his jaw dropped. Hayley giggled while she held her daddy's hand. He bent down as if her laughter brought him back to reality and planted a kiss on her forehead.

I love that man so fucking much that it actually hurts me.

**Edward's POV**

"What the fuck do you want here Emmett? I want to see Bella-"

"SURPRISE" everyone shouted when I entered the patio-area. I knew Alice was up to something, but didn't know she'd go to these extremes. I'm frozen and my heart is beating out of control from the rush of adrenaline that went through my body when everybody shouted. This was a big fucking surprise and it startled me.

I heard the one sound that I'll never grow tired off and I would recognize it anywhere in the world, my daughter's giggles. I bent down and planted a kiss on her head.

"You knew about this?" I asked and she nodded.

"That's why I kept you company today." She giggled again.

"Was that the only reason?" I asked while holding my hand over my heart and acted hurt.

"No silly, I love spending time with you. You are my daddy and I'll always want to spend time with you." She said and wrapped her tiny arms around my neck and squeezed hard.

"I love you so much Hayley." I whispered.

"Love you too daddy." She said. "Urm I think mommy is waiting for you and if I have to say so myself, she looks beautiful." She said with a raised eyebrow. I chuckled and turned my head to meet Bella's eyes all the way from across the room.

Hayley were right, she looks beautiful. She's fucking gorgeous and I can't begin to explain how much I've missed her today. I loved spending time with my daughter, it's just that I made love to Bella last night and it was beyond fucking amazing and I just missed her more today.

I keep remembering how her body shivered in my arms last night and how we moved together. It's painted on my heart and I will never forget it. When Bella gave herself to me seven years ago, it was more than special to me. I never forgot that day but last night…man last night was as if I was reliving that first time, as if Bella gave herself to me for the first time once again.

I made my way to her table and she smiled. I didn't say anything because words were so unnecessary right now. I wanted to feel her lips on mine and I wanted to feel them move with mine.

I pulled her into my arms and I couldn't care less that there was a room full of people; I brushed my lips against hers and she parted her lips slightly for me to deepen the kiss and she didn't have to ask me twice. Our lips started moving in unison and I pulled her even closer to me. Bella moaned softly for only my ears to hear her and it did fucking amazing things to my body.

"Damn Alice," I whispered against Bella's lips and she chuckled.

"I have missed you so much." She said and blushed crimson.

"I have missed you too." I smiled.

Someone cleared their throat and I rolled my eyes because I knew my brother and I knew it was him. I turned around and noticed my parents for the first time. I gasped. I haven't seen them in almost five months. I left Seattle after my children's funeral.

"Dad, mom." I said and made my way to them, pulling Bella with me. There was no way that I was going to let her out of my sight tonight, not ever for that matter. I plan on spending the rest of my life with the woman I love and I just hope that she feels the same about me.

"Edward, honey it's so good to see you." My mom said while hugging me.

Dad patted my shoulder, "Hey son, we've missed you." He said.

"I missed you guys too." I said honestly.

"You look so good." My mom said with tears in her eyes.

"Thanks mom, it's all Bella and Hayley's doing." I said honestly because it was the truth. Even before I knew that Hayley was my daughter, she changed me.

"Thank you so much Bella." My mom said and hugged Bella again.

"Happy Birthday son," my dad said.

"Yes, happy birthday. I can see that from here on you'll only be blessed and I can see that you will be happy." My mom said.

"Thank you so much for being here. I appreciate it."

"Where is that granddaughter of ours?" my mom asked and I chuckled.

"Hayley." I called and she came running to my side. She wore skinny jeans with chucks and a pink and black star zip-up hoodie. She complained that Alice wanted her to wear a dress and at first I couldn't understand what the hell Alice's problem was, now it makes sense but still, Alice shouldn't push my daughter to wear stuff she doesn't want to. Hayley was really upset about the whole thing. I guess I'll have a talk with Alice about that.

"Hayley baby, this is your grandparents." I said and she widened her eyes. Recognition filled her eyes when she looked at my dad and I remembered that my dad stitched Bella's wrists up when that freak of a husband almost killed her. My dad bent down and a big smile formed on his lips.

"It's nice to see you again Hayley." He whispered and she smiled. She hugged him tightly and planted a wet kiss on his cheek.

"Can I call you Gramps?" she asked and everyone chuckled.

"You can call me anything you want-"

"Urm Carlisle, you don't want that…she used to call Edward, Eddie and Emmett is Emmie and Jasper is Jazzie." Bella smiled. My dad nodded.

"Let's stick to Gramps," he winked at her and she giggled.

"And this is your Grandma." I said and she squealed.

"Grammy." Hayley said and hugged my mother as well.

I left my mom and dad with Hayley and took Bella into my arms again.

"Excuse me," Alice said and tapped me on my shoulder. I rolled my eyes and huffed.

"I haven't seen the love of my existence the whole day and I'm in desperate need of a fresh supply of fucking oxygen Alice." I groaned and Bella chuckled.

"Please take your seat." She said, ignoring my comment completely, and Bella took me to our table.

Her hand never left mine and her touch sent shivers down my entire body. I kissed the back of her hand and her eyes met mine telling me that she felt exactly what I felt right now. I wished that we could get out of this place and spent forever alone.

Alice tapped a fork against the rim of her champagne glass and everybody stopped talking.

"I just want to welcome everybody and I want to thank everybody for coming tonight to share my brothers' birthday with us." She said and everyone clapped hands.

"A toast to my brother, Edward Cullen. You probably don't realize this but you are the rock in this family. You are one of the strongest persons I know Edward and you've always been my stronghold. When I was little I used to look up to you so much and I know I can be annoying sometimes-"she said and I coughed. "Okay most of the time, but I love you to death. Happy Birthday." She said and lifted her glass.

"Bella the floor is yours." Alice said and I frowned. She just smiled and got up.

She took an acoustic guitar in her hand and pulled it to her body. Her fingers trailed through the strings before she looked up and looked straight into my eyes.

"Edward, I love you more than life itself. You mean everything to me and Hayley; you are just so…wonderful. Happy Birthday babe." She said and my heartbeat accelerated. She hasn't called me babe in seven years and I've missed it.

She strummed a few chords and I could see that she was nervous as hell.

"**There's a whisper in the air you breathe, underneath the sky tonight…there's a piece of you inside my heart that runs to deep to describe."**

Her voice was so beautiful and I had to swallow around the lump that formed in my throat. Bella is my life and I'll die if I have to lose her again, which I'm not planning to do by the way.

"**And you're so much more than wonderful…so much more than I can see…and I could spend forever hoping…you'd be here with me, here with me"**

"**When the world leaves me so ended and with nothing left to say…there's an angel in your voice that tells me everything's okay"**

"**And you're so much more than wonderful…so much more than I can see…and I could spend forever hoping…you'd be here with me, here with me"**

She sang the chorus four more times before the chords of the guitar faded away. Everyone applauded her and cheered. I stood up and clapped my hands. She came to my side and I pulled her into my arms.

"Thank you so much Love that was beyond beautiful. I love you so much." I whispered against her lips before I kissed her so deeply that I couldn't breathe. Bella ended the kiss when everyone asked me to speech. I shook my head and walked to the front.

"Firstly I would like to thank my sister and Bella for planning this party for me. I appreciate it. Secondly I want to thank Bella for the song she just sang for me…I loved it my Love. I love you." I said and noticed how a tear rolled down her cheek. "Thirdly, I want to thank my parents who came all the way from Seattle. Thank you for being here, there are no words to describe how grateful I am right now." I said and saw that my mom was also wiping tears off of her face. I guess this is a very emotional day. "And lastly I want to thank all of you for coming. Enjoy the rest of the evening."

I went back to Bella because I felt so anxious when I was away from her. Emmett, Rose, Jazz and Alice were at our table and I sighed. I guess I must leave my selfishness for tonight and mingle with the family. Jazz had a bottle of tequila in his hand and I had a feeling that we're going to have a very, very wasted night.

We took a couple of shots before we started dancing to a few songs. I must admit that I'm having a blast and I can see that Bella's having fun as well.

"I'll be right back," Bella whispered into my ear and I frowned.

"Where are you going?" I asked and she shook her head.

"To the bathroom." She explained.

"Okay but please hurry back because I already miss you." She chuckled while she walked away.

I have to make a plan to get Hayley her own room. Either Bella moves into my room and we give Hayley her room or Hayley must take my room. Either way it doesn't matter, I want Bella in my arms every night from now on. My arms are lonely without her in them and they feel cold without the warmth of her body.

**Bella's POV**

I don't know why I'm taking the bathroom in the house, there is one outside but I think I'm feeling tipsy from all that tequila's and need to take a few moments to myself.

I went to my room to get a coat; the wind is getting cold outside. I wonder what we're going to do about Hayley sharing a room with me. I need Edward next to me, always and forever. I can't live without him anymore and I'm not planning on living without him anymore.

I reached my bathroom and splashed some cold water on my face. When I got back up and looked in the mirror I froze. The man's reflection that I fear more than anything in this world is staring back at me.

I tried to scream but there's not a sound coming out of my mouth. My chest started heaving from the oxygen shortage and my heart was beating painfully against my chest.

"Well, well, well. Look what we've got here." He sneered and I cringed at the sound of his voice.

"Wh…at do you www…aaaannnttt?" I asked him as I stumbled over my words. He laughed evilly and fear filled my heart.

"I came to claim my wife. Or did you forget that you are actually married?" he grinned.

"Go to hell." I said and my head fell when he slapped me across my cheek. I know it is supposed to hurt but at this moment I don't feel anything but fear.

Fear that this man will find Hayley and he will hurt her. Fear that he will hurt Edward or someone else at the party. Fear that I will never see Edward again. I don't care about anything else in this world, as long as he doesn't touch Hayley or Edward. I'll do anything.

He grabbed a fist full of hair and I breathed through my teeth trying not to make a sound.

"I'll do anything you want…just leave Hayley-"I begged and Mike started laughing.

"I don't give a shit about the brat. I came for you Bella." He said and rage filled my body when he referred to my little angel as a brat. At least I know she'll be safe here with her father and that Edward will take good care of her.

"How did you find me?" I asked.

"Long story and I don't have time for that now. I want to get out of here." He said. He pulled a handgun out from the back of his pants and I gasped.

"Please don't hurt anybody. I'll do anything-"

"Shut-up! I need to think…do you have any cash on you?" he asked and I nodded.

I walked to my closet and grabbed my handbag.

"I'll get us out of here without anyone noticing, but only if you promise not to hurt anyone." I said.

"Fuck that. I don't want anyone else Bella, I want you. Get us out of here." He hissed and chills ran down my spine. I wish that he would just kill me. Without Edward I'll die anyways.

Tears started building up as I led Mike out of my room and down the stairs, through the kitchen and out the backdoor. This is it…I'll never see Edward again.

I'll fight Mike to the bitter end but I won't let him touch me again. I'll give him no other choice but to kill me. I'm not going to stand still while he…he rapes me because that's what he's going to do. He will not make one more scar on my body.

He threw me into a car and immediately started the engine when he climbed in. I looked back at the house with teary eyes and it felt as if someone planted dynamite in my heart and it just exploded, leaving a big fucking hole in my chest; my heart splattered into trillions of fucking pieces. It doesn't matter anyways because Edward and Hayley are my heart. I have just died…

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><p><strong>Sooo Mike found Bella…What is your thoughts about that? I'm sorry but he had to make his appearance at some time. <strong>


	14. Chapter 14

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters!**

**Whalestail; bmjtc4; cullengirl08; emeraldmoon14; Isabela is Online; Hiskia; queen cullen0527; vampiregurl; csuter; crazybee3; cbmorefie; Theresa24 and Esme Nicole Cullen….I loved hearing from all of you. Reading your thoughts brought a smile to my face and I enjoyed every single one of them. You guys inspire me so much…thank you so much.**

**Guys this story has reached 100 reviews and the lucky person that reviewed is 'drum roll' - ESME NICOLE CULLEN. I dedicate this chapter to you!**

**The lyric in this chapter is 'I don't love you' by My Chemical Romance! Just love them.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 13 – Shut your eyes and sleep… <strong>

**Edward's POV**

"Daddy I need to speak to you." I heard my daughter's voice say. I quickly looked down because her voice trembled and I could hear the distress in her voice. When I looked down and met her eyes I panicked. She was pale and her eyes were wide with fear. I quickly got off of the chair and knelt in front of her.

"What's wrong sweetie?" I asked and my heartbeat accelerated in fear. Something is very wrong with Hayley. I've never seen her this way.

"He is here." She said and I frowned.

"Who is here baby girl?"

"Mike." She simply said while tears rolled down her cheeks. I felt my eyes widened and I felt the blood drain from my face as fear filled my heart.

"Are you sure honey?" I asked. Where did he come from and how did he know where to find Bella? Bella…she's been gone a long time…

"I will recognize his aftershave anywhere daddy. I know how he smells-"

"Hayley start from the beginning please." I said and picked her up.

"I went to mommy's room because I was tired and wanted to go to bed. I smelled him when I entered the room and I ran out to come and tell you. I'm scared daddy…where's mommy?" she asked and my heart started beating in fear.

I returned to Emmett and Jasper and they stopped laughing when they saw my face. I guess I must look like shit.

"Bro, what's wrong? It looks like you've seen a ghost." Jazz said and I nodded.

"Alice, can you please take care of Hayley?" I asked.

"Sure but what's wrong?" she asked.

"I'm not sure yet…Em, Jazz will you come with me?" I asked them and they got up and we started walking to the house.

I briefed them about what Hayley told me and they turned as pale as I was. Emmett cursed and I could hear that he was pissed as hell. Jazz looked scared, not for himself but for Bella.

"Can you believe that Hayley could smell him?" Em asked and I nodded.

"She lived with him for six years and I think she fears him more than anything in this world." I said. "I pray that she's wrong Em because if he took Bella…I don't even want to think about that." I said and felt the tears burn my eyes.

"You can't think like that bro." Emmett said and patted my back.

"I saw firsthand what he did to her the last time and I'm sorry Edward but if he has her…he's going to hurt her." Jazz said.

We reached Bella's room and Hayley were right, there was another scent in the room. I wouldn't have noticed it if Hayley didn't mention it.

"Bella?" I called but there was no answer. "Bella?" I called again and heard the panic in my own voice.

"Let's split up and search the house." Emmett suggested and all of us agreed.

I have a really bad feeling about this. It's almost as if I can feel that Bella's not here anymore…as if she's gone. My breaths came out in little gasps and I started breathing harder feeling suffocated.

"Edward." Emmett called my name out of breath.

"Jessica saw her climbing into a car with another man." He said and the air in my lungs escaped through the millions of punctured holes.

"What does she mean?" I asked irritated.

"She climbed into a white car with a man that has blonde hair. That's all she saw and she said, before you ask, that Bella didn't fight or anything; she climbed into the car willingly." He explained.

"This doesn't make any sense; why would Bella get into a car with Mike without fighting him. I would have guessed that he would have had to drag her to the car." I said in confusion.

"Emmett, I'm scared out of my mind…where do I begin to look for her?"

"Let's call the police first and then the airport." He said calmly.

"Daddy." My daughter called me with a tear stained face and I picked her up.

"It's okay sweetie, everything's gonna be fine." I said and gently stroked her hair. She started sobbing and tears kept streaming down her face.

"Where's my mommy?" she sobbed. I sighed and felt the warmness of my own tears. I can't lose Bella, not again. Hayley and I won't survive without her. I planted a kiss on my daughter's forehead.

"I don't know where mommy is baby girl but I promise you that I'll do anything in my power to find her." I whispered.

"Daddy, if he has her…"

"Shhh sweet girl, don't think about that right now." I hushed her. Jasper and Hayley saw what Mike did to Bella; they saw Bella bleed for that man and the fear in their eyes is scaring the living shit out of me. I've never been this scared in my entire life.

All I've witnessed were the scars on her body and they were brutal enough. If I find him…I will fucking kill him and if he so much as touches Bella he will die.

"Son, we've called the police and they are on their way." My dad said.

"Dad, I'm so scared." I confessed to him while my daughter is clinging to my neck. Every sob that's coming out of her mouth literally breaks my heart. I can't stand to see my daughter this upset and this unhappy.

"We'll figure this out but right now you have to take care of your daughter." He said calmly and I nodded.

I knew this. I knew I had to take care of my daughter but without Bella half of my heart is missing. I'm lost without her…how do I do this? Hayley's deep breathing told me that she was sleeping and I laid her down in the lounge. I wanted to keep my eye on her.

The police arrived and took statements from us. Jessica was the only one that saw Bella leave and her statement was probably the most important one. One of the officers also told us that the plane Mike was on landed this morning but he hasn't booked another ticket yet which means that he is still in South Africa. Not that it will help us or anything. We don't have a clue where Mike took Bella. Bella's been missing for almost four hours and I want to go crazy. Four hours in that monster's presence. Four hours where he's probably beating the fucking shit out of Bella and fuck knows what else. Chills ran down my spine.

I sighed. _Bella, _where are you? I thought to myself.

**Bella's POV**

We booked into a guesthouse in Pretoria, about two and a half hours away from Edward. Two and a half hours away from my love and my daughter. I don't know if I'll ever see them again…just as long as Hayley is safe with her father then I'm happy. I won't let Mike hurt her or screw her life up any more than he already has.

"How did you find me?" I spoke to him for the first time since we left the reserve. Mike looked at me with a big fucking grin on his face and I felt like wiping it off of his face.

"A few weeks ago, one of my friends came to your lover boy's reserve for a few days. And when he returned to the States he felt the need to tell me of his little adventure. He mentioned you and I figured it out. Of course I did my homework before I jumped on the first available plane."

"I have missed you so much Bellsie." He said and my stomach turned and I felt sick.

He knelt in front of me where I was sitting on the bed and I winced when his hand rested on my knee. Of all the outfits I had, I just had to pick the mini skirt for Edward's birthday party. I feel so…so…cheap in front of this man. He makes me feel cheap.

"Get. Your. Hands. Off. Of. Me.!" I said through my teeth. Rage filled his body and he started shaking. His blue eyes turned almost navy blue and he clenched his jaw.

My head snapped backwards when he slapped me across my cheek. Once again it didn't hurt that much. My heart was too fucked up to feel any other pain.

"I'm still your husband!" he yelled and I winced at the word 'husband'.

"I would rather die than be your wife." I sneered.

The grin on his face made me sick and I knew what he had in mind. He grabbed fistful of my hair and dragged me off the bed. My body connected hard with the ground and I whimpered softly. This was it…I know the signs. He is going to beat the shit out of me now and then he's going to tie me up and…and…I can't even think about it. Bile rose to my throat when I thought about this monster touching me; ruining my body, ruining every part that Edward so beautifully loved and cherished last night.

I screamed out in pain when his boot connected with my body.

"Mike stop!" I yelled. He laughed out loud.

"I don't remember you ever talking back…I like this new Bella." He said as if my life was a big fucking joke to him.

"I need to go to the bathroom." I said.

"Fine, but don't try anything stupid because I will kill you Bella. I'll have no problem in killing you." He hissed into my ear and I shivered.

I took my handbag with me but groaned when I opened it and noticed that my phone is gone. Mike must have taken it out. My eyes caught something else and a plan started forming in my mind. Maybe I'm not lost, maybe I still have a chance to get away from this fucking freak and return to my love and my daughter.

But if it doesn't work…I'm dead because there's no fucking way that I'm going to let Mike have sex with me. He will have to do it to my dead body and I mean it literally.

I went back into the room and was so calm all of a sudden. I even smiled at the piece of shit. To say that that action surprised Mike was a bit of an understatement.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" he asked and I just kept the smile on my face.

"Nothing." I said.

"Have you had sex with Cullen?" he asked.

"NO." I said and felt the heat rise to my cheeks. Please don't let him know that I lied, I prayed and closed my eyes.

"Good, because I will kill you if you sleep with another man." He said and I sighed. He is such a fucking idiot.

"Mike can I make us a cup of coffee please, I'm so thirsty." I asked. He narrowed his eyes but nodded.

"Fine but I'm watching you and hurry up because I've got a very special night planned for us." He grinned and another shiver ran down my body. His voice is giving me the chills.

There is a small kitchen area in the room and I switched the kettle on. I prepared two cups of coffee but before I took Mike's coffee for him I dropped about ten sleeping pills in. I have completely forgotten about them. Carlisle prescribed them to me because I had a hard time sleeping after everything Mike did to me. After I saw Edward again I haven't felt the need to take them anymore.

I drank my coffee very slowly. My heart jumped up and down when I notice how fast Mike drank his coffee. He frowned and looked into the cup. I'm screwed if he tasted the pills in the coffee. They take about fifteen minutes to work and I'm sure he'll be able to kill me before then.

I hugged my legs and hummed softly to myself.

Mike went into the bathroom and I heard the water running. I just hope that he keeps himself busy until the pills starts working.

"**Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading…so sick and tired of all the needless beating. But baby when they knock you down and out…it's where you oughta stay."**

I sang softly to myself when I heard Mike mumbling. He came through the door and his words slurred. He didn't make any sense when he talked to me and the confusion on his face was priceless.

"What's going on?" he gasped right before he fell to the floor. I took a stand before him and laughed. Mike's eyes were halfway closed and I knew he would fall into a very deep sleep any second now.

"I drugged your coffee you stupid fuck." I smiled. "I hate you Mike Newton and I hope that I'll never see you again because next time I'll be prepared and I'll fucking kill you myself."

When I turned around to leave I felt his hand around my ankle and I screamed. He tripped me and my body connected with the floor with a thump. I could taste the blood in my mouth and must have bit my lip when I fell. I quickly jumped up and saw how Mike struggled to get up. I kicked him in his side and he groaned in pain. I kept kicking him over and over again…I kicked him in his face as well. His face was covered in blood and he didn't move. I couldn't care less what happened to him now; I grabbed my purse and his car keys and left the room.

I started the engine of his car and drove off. Luckily the guesthouse wasn't far from the highway and before I knew it I was on the N1 and on my way back to Edward. Back to my darling daughter.

**Edward's POV**

"How long can this take? Bella's been gone for almost eight hours and I don't know what the fuck she's going through or what the fuck that monster is doing to her…I want her found." I yelled at the officer.

I know it's not his fault but it's taking so long. We haven't heard anything and I don't know if Bella's okay or if she's even alive for that matter.

"We are doing everything we can Mr. Cullen. I know you are worried-"

"Gah, worried is not the correct word. I'm scared shitless for what she's going through. You have no clue what kind of monster this man is." I lashed out again.

The sun will come up any minute now and my daughter will wake-up as well. Thank goodness she's been sleeping the whole night, as for me, I wasn't able to even shut my eyes for ten seconds without seeing my Bella, all beaten up and broken and her brown eyes filled with fear.

"Daddy?" my daughter's voice called me and I went into the lounge. She just laid there on one of the couches, looking so hurt.

"Morning my sweet angel." I knelt before her and kissed her.

"Morning daddy." She sighed before her eyes filled with tears. This is breaking my heart; the first thing my daughter does when she wakes up is to cry. It's killing me to see her beautiful eyes filled with tears and to know that she's hurting.

"Baby please don't cry?" I begged her with my own tears.

"Mommy's not back is she?" she sobbed.

"No baby she's not, but the police are doing everything they can to find her." I explained but knew that it didn't sound very convincing. Personally I think they are completely useless but that's just my opinion.

"Daddy…I'm scared." She said and her bottom lip quivered.

"Me too baby girl, me too." I sighed into her hair. She reminds me so much of Bella right now and it causes so much pain in my heart.

Emmett came running into the house yelling, "There's a car coming, a white one."

My head snapped up and I got up from the floor.

"Honey, I'll be right back." I said to Hayley and ran out of the house.

The car came to a stop and tears of joy ran down my face when I recognized Bella. I ran towards the car and she got out and started running to me. Our bodies crashed into each other's, our chests heaved as we cried loudly.

"I thought I have lost you forever." I sobbed into her hair, inhaling deeply. She shook her head sideways.

"Never…" she cried and clung to me with everything she had. I felt her body shivering against mine and felt her collapse into my arms. She must be so exhausted. I picked her up bridal style and carried her into the house.

"Your daughter would love to see you." I whispered and the most beautiful smile spread across her face. I gasped when I noticed how swollen and red her cheek was. That fucking bastard.

"I love you Bella, so much." I said just as we walked into the house.

Everybody was there in the lounge and they were extremely happy to see Bella, especially my very adoring daughter.

"Mommy," my daughter's musical voice almost sang to Bella.

I laid Bella down on the couch where Hayley was. Bella could hardly keep her eyes open.

"My baby girl." Bella cried as Hayley crawled up next to her mother.

"I love you so much mommy." She whispered.

"I love you too honey."

"Are you okay mommy?" she asked concerned. Bella smiled and closed her eyes.

"I'm fine honey…"

I knelt in front of them and took Bella's hand in mine.

"Bella, would you mind if my dad examined you? I'm so worried about you."

"He didn't do anything Edward." She said and I sighed.

"Your cheek is swollen Bella and you went through a lot of stress." I demanded.

"Fine," she huffed and came up slowly, "but just so you know, I'm beyond tired. I'm dead on my feet Edward and I'll probably pass out before your dad examines me." She said annoyed and I chuckled.

It felt so good to do that. Eight hours ago I thought that I have lost Bella forever and here she is, back in my arms where she belongs.

Bella followed dad to her room where he examined her. Hayley followed of course and babbled none stop.

I am so curious what happened and how she got away and the officer was as well because he is waiting to take a statement from Bella.

"How are you feeling bro?" Emmett asked with a smile.

"Beyond grateful." I said and sighed in relief. "If I would have lost her Em-"

He punched me playfully and chuckled.

"She's here bro and you shouldn't think about 'if' anymore." He said.

"Edward, Carlisle and the officer is done in Bella's room and she wants to see you." Rose came into the kitchen.

Even Rose was happy to see Bella.

Bella's eyes were closed when I entered her room and she looked so peaceful, so blissfully happy. I closed the door behind me and her eyes opened. She smiled and held her hand out to me which I gladly took in mine. I joined her on the bed and Bella cradled herself to my side. My heart went ballistic when I wrapped my arms around her.

"You're never leaving my arms again." I whispered and kissed her head. She chuckled lightly and my heart went into overdrive.

"I love the way that sounds." She sighed. "I was so scared Edward-"she sobbed.

"Shhh, Love you're safe now." I gently rubbed her back.

"I promised myself that I wouldn't let him touch me again. He would have killed me Edward." She whimpered.

"Bella, are you okay. I mean really okay Bells?" I asked and swallowed hard.

"He was about to…to have sex with me. I knew the signs and knew what to look for and he had that crazy look in his eyes so I asked him if I could use the bathroom hoping that he didn't take my phone out of my handbag but he did. But then I noticed the sleeping pills your dad prescribed for me and I offered to make coffee." She shivered and I held her closer, planting a gentle kiss on her forehead.

"I stirred ten pills into his coffee and he downed it. It was about fifteen minutes before he passed out but not before he tripped me. He was too drugged up from the pills and so weak so I got up from the floor and kicked the shit out of him. I left him in there and drove back here as soon as I could."

"If anything would have happened to you…"

She covered my mouth with her hand and it set my entire body on fire. This is something that I'll never get used to, Bella's touch. She can set my body on fire with a single touch and everything inside of me wants her.

"That's why I left with Mike in the first place," she started saying and I'm sure the confusion on my face asked the question for me.

"He was waiting for me when I came into the bathroom and I promised to go with him as long as he leaves Hayley here with you and as long as he does not hurt anyone. Of course he agreed but that was just it, I would rather die than to let anything bad happen to you or Hayley. I love you so much." She said against my lips and that was all I needed to claim her lips.

It felt as if my body was on fire at this moment and that my lips were burning out. I moaned against her lips and she chuckled.

"Bella, I love you so much and Hayley and I need you more than you'll ever know. She was so scared last night Love, and me, I was beyond scared. I lived without you for seven years and I can't live without you again Bella, it will kill me." I said with tears in my eyes.

It amazes me how much I love Bella and how much my love grows for her every day. Bella is my life; Bella and Hayley are everything to me.

Bella yawned and I chuckled.

"Sleep my Bella; we'll talk when you wake up."

"Don't leave me alone please." She said with closed eyes. I tightened my arms around her.

"I'll be here right by your side when you wake up, besides I'm just as tired because I haven't slept at all so I think I'll be joining you." I confessed.

"I love you more than my life." She said before she fell asleep.

More than her life, if only she knew that I love her more than my life as well.

I wonder what's going on with Mike and if the police found him yet? I would like to get a piece of that monster because I would fucking kill him with my bare hands. He would not live to take another breath when I'm done with him. My daughter and the love of my life have gone through enough because of that monster.

I don't want Hayley to live in fear because of Mike and I don't want Bella to live in fear over this shit. I want them to be loved, and to live freely. I want them to be happy because heaven knows they deserve it. I'll do anything in my power to make these things happen in their lives…I'll strive for that every single day for the rest of my life.

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><p><strong>I didn't want to stretch the kidnapping out because then Mike would get a chance to do horrible things to Bella and I don't want her to go through that again. What do you guys think happened to Mike and more importantly, what is it that you WANT to happen to Mike? Share your ideas and thoughts.<strong>

**Guys this story is coming to an end…I'm working on one more chapter for the ending and then it's the epilogue. I'm sad but there's only so much that I can write into a story and this is it. I am working on another story though….**


	15. Chapter 15

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters.**

**Crazybee3; Isabela is Online; vampiregurl; Esme Nicole Cullen; cullengirl08; littlechipmunk and cbmorefie…I loved your reviews. Thank you for your thoughts on Mike…it's pretty clear that everybody wants him punished…if **_**that's**_** the correct word.**

**This story has 6164 hits for the month of September...thank you to everyone who has been reading. Please take the time to review...it'll only take a minute.**

**Okay so this chapter is dedicated to CBMOREFIE…this was your idea!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 14<strong>

**Bella's POV**

I woke up feeling two strong arms around my body. At first I panicked but then everything that happened flashed before my eyes and I sighed in relief. I'm in Edward's arms…I'm safe.

I almost lost everything; I came so close into losing Edward and Hayley forever and my new family.

Edward was still sound asleep, my poor guy, he must be exhausted. I can't even begin to imagine what he went through when he realized that I was gone.

I slowly climbed out of bed so I wouldn't wake Edward up. I missed my daughter so much even though I was away for only a couple of hours but still I thought that I would never see her again. I already said my goodbyes and everything.

I leaned over Edward and gently brushed my lips over Edward's and almost immediately regretted it because my body was on fire and every part of my body tingled. Edward moved slightly but didn't wake up.

I heard Hayley's giggles coming from the lounge along with Emmett's roaring laughter. I couldn't help the smile that formed on my lips. Emmett is so good with her.

"Mommy." Hayley yelled and ran to me. When my arms went around her, calmness filled my entire body and my heart was overflowing with so much love.

"How are you feeling now mommy?" she asked and I smiled.

"I'm fine now baby girl" I smiled and kissed her head. "As long as I have you and daddy, I'm happy."

"I was so worried about you." She said.

I took a strand of her hair and tucked it behind her ear. "I know honey but I'm fine now and you should forget about it."

"Hey why don't we go for a walk?" Emmett suggested.

"You'll come with right?" I asked.

"Yea Bella I'm coming with. I just figured that you might want to get out and since my brother is still sleeping, I'll take you." He smiled.

"Do you want to go Hayley?" I asked my daughter and she nodded.

"Great, let's go."

**Edward's POV**

Neither Bella nor Hayley was anywhere in the house.

I remember that I felt her lips brush against mine and I remember how much my body wanted her but I was just too tired to open my eyes.

I was so anxious to see Bella and hold her and kiss her and well, do wild stuff with her but that one I'll leave for tonight. Looks like I won't have to wait long because we've slept the whole day.

"Hey son," my dad's voice came from behind me and I turned around.

"Hay dad, have you seen Bella?" I asked.

"Emmett took her and Hayley for a walk but-"

"But what?" I asked.

"That was a while ago." He said and worry was spread all over his face.

"I'm sure their fine; Emmett knows this reserve better than anyone else I know."

"Son, the police called…Mike escaped."

"What?" I yelled. "How the fuck did they let this happen?"

"When they got to the guesthouse he was gone-"

"With all those sleeping pills in his system…impossible."

"I don't know how he woke up son but he did and he is on the loose." My dad sighed.

"If he comes near Bella or Hayley I will kill him." I felt the rage fill my body but it was soon replaced with an enormous amount of fear.

"I'm going to look for them." I stated.

"I'm coming with you." Carlisle said and I nodded.

"Let's go." I said and walked towards the backdoor with Carlisle right behind me.

Emmett would only take Bella and Hayley on one trail and I followed that trail. It was the easiest trail. Dad and I walked in silence; me because I was worried about my Bella and my Hayley and dad, probably also worried about them and probably trying to figure out how the hell Mike woke up after all those sleeping pills.

I placed my hand on Carlisle's shoulder when I heard voices; there was a voice that I didn't recognize and the sound that almost frightened me to death, Hayley's sobs. Something's wrong.

"Something's wrong." I whispered softly and dad nodded, letting me know that he heard. "Stay here dad." I ordered and he nodded.

**Emmett's POV**

"Hayley don't run too far, stay on the path and where I can see you." I yelled. That girl would be the death of me. She's been running off ever since we left the house. There are dangerous animals on this reserve and not to mention snakes. That's why no one is allowed to take a walk on their own.

"I was scared out of mind when he took me…the first thing that went through my mind was that if he took Hayley, she'll go through hell again. I begged him to leave her with Edward and I can't begin to describe to you how relieved I was when he agreed." She started telling me about what she went through when Mike took her.

This woman has been through so much crap in her life. Bella is so kind and loving and caring; she only deserves those emotions back. She never deserved the hell Mike put her through.

"You're safe now Bella." I said.

"I know but still; there's always the possibility of Mike coming back. I'll always be afraid and live the rest of my life in fear." She confessed while crossing her arms over her chest, hugging herself.

I suddenly realized something…Hayley has been awfully quiet and I haven't seen her anywhere.

"Hayley?" I called out, but there was no answer. I was alarmed instantly because Hayley always answers back. It is one of the first things we taught her about walking in the bushes; when someone calls out to you, you answer them right back if you are able to.

My head fell and my eyes started scanning the path, searching for Hayley's footprints. I started following the prints.

"What's wrong Em? Where's Hayley?" Bella asked in alarm.

"I don't know Bells, just follow me." I whispered.

Her footprints end all of a sudden and what scared me the most was the fact that there was another pair of prints in the path. I would guess that it's a male because the shoe size is big; I would guess Edward's size. I turned my head to the bush where I guessed she disappeared into and saw a glimpse of a red shirt.

I turned around to warn Bella but the next thing I knew there was a man standing behind her; the man with the red shirt on. My heart tightened when I saw Hayley holding his hand; fear plastered all over her face. My face gave me away because Bella turned around and when she looked at the man her legs collapsed and she fell.

He pointed a gun at Bella and I swallowed hard.

"Don't even think about it big guy." He grinned.

He pushed Hayley away from him and she ran towards me. I picked her up and she cradled her body to my chest. Her body was shaking uncontrollably and I gently started rubbing her back and whispered soothing words into her ear.

The man grabbed Bella by her hair and dragged her into the bush. I wanted to kill him for handling Bella like that but I have to protect Hayley as well. Plus, the guy has a gun and he'll probably shoot me before I made it halfway to Bella's side.

"What do you want?" I asked.

He laughed.

"I came for Bella." He simply said and realization sunk in. This is Mike. It has to be him.

"Mike, take me but leave Hayley here." Bella cried.

"Nice try and what then? You'll try to drug me like last night?" he asked with a smug.

I wanted to wipe that smug right off of his fucking face. I'm beyond frustrated right now; I feel so fucking helpless. Edward will kill me if anything happens to Bella or Hayley.

"I won't do anything again, I promise." She pleaded but he only laughed.

"No Bella, this time I'm going to kill you." He said. "After I downed that coffee, I realized that you put something in because the coffee tasted bitter. So I got up and went to the bathroom and pushed my finger down my throat. Obviously I didn't get everything out because I passed out but it was my luck because I only slept for a couple of hours." He laughed. Thank goodness he _did _sleep because if he hadn't, Bella wouldn't have gotten away.

I have never in all my life, been so scared. Obviously Mike has the upper hand because of the gun and if he kills Bella, he'll kill Hayley and me as well. I wasn't scared for myself but for the little girl in my arms and for Edward…he won't survive losing another child or Bella for that matter.

Hayley started crying again and I couldn't calm her down. She was scared out of her mind, I could feel it in the way her body was shaking and how her breathing was hitched. Even her sobs trembled.

"No Mike, please don't kill us. I'll do anything you want-"

"Shut up Bella and shut that brat of yours up!" Mike yelled. Hayley's cries calmed down a little and it was very clear to me that Hayley was terrified of this man and that she would do anything to protect her mommy. That's why, when she heard Mike tell Bella to shut her up she immediately stopped sobbing because she thinks it will help her mommy. My heart went out to her; she's such a brave little girl.

I glared at the piece of shit that pointed the gun towards Bella. He is a fucking coward.

"Please don't hurt my mommy." Hayley pleaded. Her voice sounded raw and painful.

"Shut up!" he yelled at Hayley and I felt her body tremble. She silently cried into my chest and I glared at him again. If I get a chance I'll rip his fucking throat out.

Something caught my eye behind Mike and relief washed over my face when I recognized Edward's posture.

"Don't talk to my daughter like that." Bella hissed and I witnessed how rage filled that fucker's eyes. He looked like a crazy person and I knew in my heart that Edward must make a move and he must do it fast because this crazy person was going to kill us today.

Mike grabbed Bella by her hair and hit her with the back of the gun. Her body went limp and dropped to the ground. I held Hayley's face to my chest so she wouldn't witness this. I don't want her freaking out. She's been through enough today.

Edward made his move so quickly that I almost missed everything. He hit Mike in the back with his elbow and as soon as Mike's body dropped to the floor he started kicking him.

Carlisle came running through the same bushes that Edward was hiding in and the doctor in him tended to Bella. Her eyes fluttered open and her hand automatically went to the wound on her head. She cringed a little but my dad assured her that everything was fine.

I put Hayley down and she immediately ran to her mommy. I had to get Edward off Mike because he was beating his face into a pulp. If I leave Edward, he will kill Mike.

**Edward's POV**

I slowly and softly approached the voices. I couldn't see them but I could hear them and I knew I was getting closer.

"Shut up Bella and shut that brat of yours up!" he yelled and although I never heard Mike's voice, I knew that this was him. My heart clenched.

I walked through the bushes and ignored the cuts that the thorn bushes caused me.

I quickly ducked when I saw something red through one of the trees. I silently crawled closer and hid behind a big rock.

It was Mike alright; I recognize him from the night I saw him in Bella's room seven years ago. My stomach turned and I felt bile rose to my throat. He has Bella at gunpoint and Hayley is cradled in Emmett's arms. The rage on Emmett's face is clearly visible but he also looks so helpless and I know my brother well enough to know that he is beyond pissed right now.

"Please don't hurt my mommy." My beautiful daughter cried and my heart ached seeing her in so much pain.

"Shut up!" he yelled.

I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, trying to calm myself down. I hate the way he's treating my daughter and I hate the fact that he's yelling at her. I'm gonna fucking kill him with my bare hands today. I just need to figure out how the hell to get him away from Bella and get him away from that gun.

Since Mike's back is turned to me, I slowly started to move forward. Emmett's face lit up when he noticed me but hid the relief as quickly as it came.

"Don't talk to my daughter like that." Bella said through clenched teeth.

Mike grabbed her by her hair and hit her with the back of the gun. This is where I completely lost self-control. This is where I saw red and didn't care if he would shoot me right now because there was no way in hell that I was just going to stand by and witness how he hits the woman I love.

Bella's limp body dropped to the ground. I jumped from behind and hit Mike on his back with my elbow. Luckily he dropped the gun and when his body connected with the ground, I kicked him in his ribs over and over again. I caught him off guard because the surprise on his face was priceless. He tried to stand up but I kicked him again.

Everything happened so fast; Mike was on his back and I jumped on top of him, grabbed him by his collar and I started punching him, over and over and over again. My fist hurt like hell but I couldn't make myself stop. I wanted to kill the bastard for hurting Bella. His face was a bloody mess but still I didn't stop. Even the exhaustion I felt couldn't stop me; I wanted this guy dead. I wanted him to never hurt my girls again.

I felt two big, strong arms around my waist and the next thing I knew he pulled me off of Mike.

"Leave me." I hissed.

"No, that's enough bro." Emmett whispered.

I just collapsed into my brother's arms and sobbed. The last time I broke down like this was at my children's funeral, seven months ago.

Her tiny hands cupped my face and when I opened my eyes I stared back into my daughter's beautiful eyes. But her eyes were filled with tears and it broke my heart to see her like this. She's not supposed to ever be hurt in any way. But she's been through hell and back with Mike; and today she was held at gunpoint. Damn that fucker for hurting my girls.

"Hey baby girl" I sobbed and pulled her into my arms.

"Daddy" she sighed and her tiny body trembled in my arms.

"Are you okay?" I asked in fear.

"Yes but mommy's hurt." She cried and I gently rubbed her back.

I walked to Bella's side where she was sitting up now. She looked relieved when she saw me and a tiny smile formed on her lips.

I knelt in front of her, my daughter still in my arms, and Bella encircled me and Hayley in her arms; crying in relief. I planted a couple of kisses on her head.

"This is getting ridiculous," she sighed.

I looked back at her in confusion. "What do you mean?" I asked.

"This was the second time that I actually said goodbye to you; mentally preparing myself that I was going to spent my life without you and Hayley. I can't begin to explain the excruciating pain it caused my heart to do that." She said.

"I love you Isabella Swan." I sighed.

"I love you too." She said back with a trembling voice.

Emmett dragged Mike's body back to the house and we called the cops. He'll be sent back to the USA and will be trialed there. They promised us that with Bella's testimony that Mike will be sent away for a very long time. Plus, he'll probably get to spent a couple of years, if not forever in a mental facility since Bella's testimony proves that Mike isn't all there.

Bella and I were kneeling in front of my bed where Hayley would be sleeping. We just stared at our daughter's beautiful sleeping face. I won't be able to live without her or Bella for that matter. They are my life, the very air that I'm breathing, and the blood that's pumping through my veins. My life means nothing without them.

"What are you thinking?" Bella whispered.

"Just how much I love you and Hayley and that I'll die without you." I answered honestly.

She cupped my face with her hands and brushed her lips over mine.

"We'll always be together." She said against my lips.

"Uh-huh." I smiled against hers right before I claimed her lips.

I picked Bella up bridal style and walked to her room where I would shower her with love and passion and millions of kisses. Where I would cherish every part of her body and love every part of her body. My heart went into overdrive knowing that soon my body will connect with hers in the most passionate and intimate way possible.

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><p><strong>Okay there you have it…Mike's out of the picture. I know I said this would be the last chapter but it's not. I had to change the ending because a lot of you wanted Mike punished and so I started working on a new ending. I'll post it as soon as I'm done…that will be the last chapter though *sniff sniff*<strong>

**So what did you guys think?**


	16. Chapter 16

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters.**

**Cullengirl08; cbmorefie; Crazybee3; Theresa24…you guys rock. Thank you for your reviews and for your support. Here's the last chapter…then it's on to the epilogue. Hopefully I can answer some of your questions in these two chapters. Much love!**

**The song in this chapter and the lyrics belongs to Flyleaf and the name of the song is: "Set apart this dream". It's a brilliant song, if you've never heard it please download it and listen to it. **

**Oh and before I forget…Chapter one of my new story is posted. Please go and check it out, I'd appreciate it if you can share your thoughts and tell me what you think of the new story. The name is LOW MANS' LYRICS and most of the story is in Edward's POV. There is a full summary, please support that story. I look forward in reading from all of you throughout that story.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 15 –After all we've been through…we get our happy-ending!<strong>

**Bella's POV**

Edward's head rested on my chest and I ran my fingers through his hair repeatedly. He had the softest hair; messiest most unruly hair I've ever seen on someone's head, but so soft.

Carlisle and Esme took Hayley out for the day which left Edward and me home alone. It's been almost two weeks since the incident with Mike happened.

The first week we were in absolute hell with Hayley. She couldn't sleep and after the third night of sleeplessness, Carlisle gave her something to sleep. By that time Edward and I walked the earth as two zombies. We had barely time to say 'hi' to each other, not to mention kissing or hugging for that matter. We just hadn't had time to be with one another. Hayley had very bad dreams and was too scared to close her eyes.

Most of the time she would sleep on top of her daddy where she can hear his heartbeat and feel his heart beat against her cheek. They looked so cute but my guy would wake up all stiff and sore from sleeping in one position. But then again he said that he'll sleep on cement slabs with his daughter on top of him, if it would mean that she was comfortable and most importantly, safe.

I think this whole ordeal with Mike, scared Edward shitless. At first he never wanted to leave mine or Hayley's side but luckily he started to relax.

So, back to my point; this is the first time in two weeks that Edward and I have some alone time.

"I can't wait to get back to the States" he mumbles lazily against my chest.

"I don't know, I kind of liked it here" I said honestly. He slowly lifted his head and stared into my eyes.

"We can always come back after the trial, Love"

I shook my head sideways.

"Nope, you need to get back to your fans…they miss you" I smiled. "And remember, that I'm one of those fans"

"You are definitely the sexiest, most gorgeous, most adorable and don't forget my number one fan" he said with his lips on y chest.

"But you're right and since I have my own songwriter now, things will go so much smoother." He chuckled lightly.

"Hey" I smacked his back playfully.

"You are so beautiful" he whispered and pulled himself closer to my face.

His lips hovered over mine which drove me insane. His green eyes smoldered in mine right before he gently took my bottom lip between his teeth and gently sucked and nibbled. Edward was such a good kisser. His lips had the power to set my body on fire.

"I love you so much" he whispered against my lips and a smile formed on my, already busy lips. I'll never get tired of hearing those words out of his mouth.

"I love you too" I said and looped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me. My fingers tangled in his hair and I took off where he stopped and I nibbled on his bottom lip. Edward moaned loudly against my mouth and I smiled. I loved the effect I had on Edward and I loved the effect he had on me.

Edward was in the shower when Hayley returned. Of course she wanted to know where her daddy was and smiled when I told her that he was in the shower. Hayley is so close to Edward and almost demands all of his time.

We were having a barbecue tonight because we're leaving for Seattle in the morning. I'm going to miss this place…definitely the heat, although it's winter now and we haven't had real heat, it was warmer than Seattle's winters. The climate here felt like summer to me and I enjoyed it.

I was busy helping Rose in the kitchen, making salads and marinating the steaks.

"Hey Bella?" she asked carefully.

"Hmm" I said while peeling the skin off of the already boiled potato.

"I'm sorry for being such a bitch to you" she said. That got my attention. I put the potato down and turned to face Rose.

"Apology accepted, but I never got why you did it?" I asked.

"I'm never friendly when I meet people and then when I found out that you were the girl that broke Edward's heart seven years ago, I was furious. He went through absolute hell" she sighed.

"Please tell me Rose because when Edward told me he was distant" I pleaded.

She took a seat behind the kitchen table and followed her.

"We didn't know what was going on because we never met you but we knew he was dating some girl. Edward was terrified…he started drinking, _a lot_. He missed his flight to that major music school he was supposed to go to because he was too drunk to even got off of his bed." She sighed and I felt my heart twist.

"I remember his agonizing cries in the morning hours while everybody was sleeping and as soon as he opened his eyes in the morning, he would grab a bottle of whisky or vodka or whatever there was. It was during this time that Tanya came to be his _friend"_ she said and made air quotations with her fingers when she said the word 'friend' and she wrinkled her nose.

"Something tells me you didn't like her." I said and Rose shrugged.

"I absolutely_ loathed_ her." She pulled a face. "After she came to be his _friend _she never left. And Edward was too drunk to handle the situation because if he was sober, he would have kicked her ass out of the front door. The only other person who loathed Tanya more than me, was Edward" she smiled.

"Why?" I asked.

"Why? I have no clue why he really hated her but I loathed her because she fucked Edward's life up. She's a fucking monster" Rose said.

"Carlisle had a man to man talk with Edward after two weeks of drinking. He was very hard on Edward but to be fair, if he hadn't had that talk with Edward, he would have become an alcoholic. There's no doubt in my mind about that. Anyways, Edward left us and went to college."

Her facial expressions has changed so much in these couple of minutes since she started telling me more about Edward but the expression she had now made my stomach turn. It was an expression of pure hatred.

"Four months later, Edward stood in front of the whole family, Tanya by his side of course, and told us that he was going to be a father. Imagine the shock on our faces. Edward looked like shit though and my heart was breaking for him. Tanya had a big fucking smug on her face and I wanted so badly to wipe that smug off of her face." She said.

"Edward married her of course; he always did the right thing…well almost always. Bella, he hated Tanya so much but you should have seen him when he first held Jade in his arms. The love he had for that girl was astonishing and there are no words to explain it. He loved her so much. But there was still so much emptiness in his eyes; emptiness that not even Jade could fill and I knew it was because of you." She sighed.

"I never meant to hurt him" my voice was trembling. Rose covered my hand with hers.

"I know Bella, I know that now and I have never seen Edward this happy." She said and for the first time since I met Rose, tears rolled down her face.

"The only other time that I saw Edward so broken, was seven months ago when Jade and MJ died in that accident."

"He never talks about that" I said.

"I think it's too painful for him Bella. He'll tell you when he's ready" she said in Edward's defense.

"I can't begin to imagine what he went through" I whispered.

"His sobs were heart wrenching. He just sat in front of the piano, back at his house in Seattle, and played the lullaby he composed for Jade, over and over and over again. He would scream out her and MJ's name while turning a room upside down. At the funeral he broke down, completely." She explained.

"And Tanya?" I asked. I knew she died in the accident with them but Rose hadn't mentioned her.

"Edward refused that her funeral be the same day as his children's. Her parents were furious but Edward didn't care and of course they didn't have a say. At Tanya's funeral he lost his mind. He had too much to drink and started talking to her casket, blurting everything bad she has done. I felt so sorry for Tanya's parents but there was no stopping Edward. Like I said, he hated her. Emmett threw Edward over his shoulder and we left the funeral but not before Edward shouted; 'I hate you Tanya'."

"I had no idea." I said shocked.

"Now you know what Edward went through" she smiled. "I love you like a sister Bella and I hope we can become very good friends." She patted my hand.

"Thank you Rose, for sharing that story and for loving me like a sister." I said and hugged her.

After we finished the salads and had our talk we joined the rest of the family outside.

Hayley was on Edward's lap and seeing them together, I had some sort of idea how much he loved Jade and MJ. Edward is made of love and it's hard to believe that he hated Tanya so much. I hate Mike but for a whole other reason; I hate him for destroying my daughter's childhood and for putting her through hell. I also hate him for what he's done to me and my body.

Edward's face lit up when he saw me and my heart went into overdrive. I know that me and Hayley are Edward's life, but he is my life as well. I'm lost without him, dead is a better word.

I took a seat on the chair next to Edward and my daughter jumped off her daddy's lap and onto mine.

She cupped her hand around my ear and whispered; "Please sing that song that you wrote for me"

I pulled my head away and frowned. "Why?" I whispered back.

She cupped her hand around my ear again. "Because daddy wants to hear it and I have promised him a while back that I'll ask you to sing it to him" she whispered.

"Okay, go get my guitar" I smiled and she widened her eyes and clapped her hands. She jumped off my lap and ran towards the house.

Edward took my hand in his and kissed the palm of my hand.

"What was that about?" he asked.

"You'll see" I grinned.

Hayley came running with the acoustic guitar from the music room and Edward's eyes lit up.

"Bella's gonna sing a song" Emmett boomed.

**Edward's POV**

"Yeah, my daughter asked me to sing a certain song" Bella smiled.

"We love your singing, so go ahead" Rose said to my surprise. Whoa, what brought this on? I thought Rose hated Bella.

"I'll explain later" Bella leaned over and whispered into my ear. This woman knows me so well.

Hayley stood in front of Bella with a big, gorgeous grin on her sweet little face. She winked at me and I lightly chuckled. I love my daughter so much.

"I wrote this song for Hayley a while back and I used to sing it to her when things weren't going so well." Bella smiled up at our daughter and I gasped.

"I told you she would sing it to you" Hayley grinned.

I've been wondering about this song that made my daughter's eyes sparkle just by mentioning the song.

Bella started strumming and looked into Hayley's eyes when she started singing. Hayley giggled and her face came alive; she looked so beautiful.

"**Close your eyes, little girl…you're a princess now…you own this world. Twirling in your twirly dress…you're the loveliest, far above the rest"**

Hayley's eyes were closed, but only for a minute before she opened them and twirled around and around. Her eyes were so alive and there was a rosy color on her cheeks.

"**You build your castles in the sky…and stars reflecting off your eyes. And angels sing on silver clouds…and no one cries, screams or shouts"**

No wonder Bella wrote this song for Hayley and no wonder she used to sing it to her when things were going rough; rough meaning Mike beating the shit out of Bella. This song is for Hayley, pretending to be in another world.

"**Oh, set apart this dream…oh, set apart this dream for me…set apart this dream…for me"**

"**Close your eyes, pretty girl…'cause it's easier when you brace yourself…set your thoughts on a world far off…where we only cry from joy"**

Millions of stars were dancing in Hayley's eyes and I wished that I could read her thoughts right now; to know what she's thinking while her mommy is singing this song to her.

"**Oh, set apart this dream…oh, set apart this dream for me…set apart this dream…for me"**

"**Oh, lovely and beautiful, precious and priceless…you're so much more than you know. Heart of the purest gold, pure clean and white as snow…clothed in such splendor…oh what a beauty for me"**

Bella sang the chorus again and Hayley twirled around and around. When the guitar chords faded we applauded Bella and Hayley. Hayley looped her tiny arms around Bella's neck and kissed her cheek.

"Thank you mommy" she smiled.

"Anything for you baby" Bella said.

Hayley came to me with a really cute grin on her face.

"I told you she wrote a song for me" she said, her grin growing.

I wrapped her into my arms and held her close to my body.

"You sure did baby girl" I planted a kiss on her head. "And it's a beautiful song"

"It helped me and mommy deal with the real world" my daughter said and I picked a little 'brag' up. That's so Hayley, finding the good in every situation.

"I'm sure it did and I'm happy that you had a song to help you through those difficult times" I whispered.

"When mommy sang that song just now, I enjoyed it so much more than all the other times because we are free now. I haven't felt the need to pretend just now" she said cleverly.

Tears stung my eyes and I had to swallow the sob away that wanted to escape my mouth. I have such a strong daughter; stronger than me or Bella could ever be. She endured so much and she's still the loveliest, most precious little girl in this world.

"You'll never go through anything bad again baby girl, I promise" I whispered.

"I know daddy. I'm safe in your arms and my mommy as well" she said.

My whole family had tears in their eyes.

"Are you still going to ask her?" Hayley whispered into my ear.

"Yes, but do you really think it's a good idea to do it in front of everyone?" I whispered back for only her to hear.

"Yes, besides I want to be with when you ask her and I want to hear her answer. Mommy is different daddy, she doesn't care about fancy stuff and she loves this family. Plus, I think she would want everybody that she loves with her when you ask her" she whispered with a sigh.

"How did you get to be so wise?" I asked amused.

"I have wise parents" she simply answered and I chuckled.

I cleared my throat and everybody stopped talking.

"I wanted to do this with a fancy dinner; candlelight, rosebuds and everything" I smiled while standing up. "But my wise daughter assured me that this was the best way, so I'm going with her assurance." I said, poking her nose playfully. Her musical laughter was just that, musical. It was like music to my ears and I wanted that sound to surround me forever and ever.

I got down on one knee in front of my Bella and the gasps of my family made me chuckle. My stomach turned because I was nervous as hell doing this in front of my entire family. I always thought of this as being private but Hayley begged me to do this in her presence because she wanted to be included in this. I can't deny my daughter anything. What can I say; she has me wrapped around her tiny little pinky.

I took the velvet covered black box out of my pocket and opened it up; revealing a fourteen karat white gold diamond ring. The ring had a three stone center design with two-side round diamonds, surrounded by a halo of fifty-six brilliant round white diamonds.

Bella gasped and leaned her head down to look at the ring more closely. She slowly brought her hand up and pointed her index finger towards the ring. I watched in amusement; her face was the face of an angel. Her finger slowly reached for the ring. She was so infatuated with the ring and I felt a little forgotten so I couldn't help my next move. I slapped the box closed and she gave a little scream as I startled her and then she doubled over in laughter. Her cheeks were crimson red when everybody joined in the laughter. Bella never looked more gorgeous than she does right at this moment, right before I'm going to ask her to marry me.

"Jerk" she smacked my arm playfully. I chuckled and Hayley held her hand before her mouth as she was snickering. I don't know who looked more beautiful, Hayley or Bella. My girls are gorgeous and I love them to death.

"I'm sorry love, but your attention seemed to be somewhere else" I chuckled in amusement. Emmett's booming laughter was contagious to say none the least.

Bella giggled and it sent electric currents down my entire body. My body wanted hers and my lips wanted to be linked to hers right now. That's why I wanted to do this privately…

This was probably the weirdest fucking proposal ever done on this planet. And nothing could make me happier than the amused look on my daughter's face.

"Can I ask my question already?" I asked, my voice thick with laughter. The mood was light and very joyful.

"Sorry" Bella giggled. Her face flushed.

Serious emotions suddenly filled my heart. This is the woman I love and I'm about to propose to her. I'm about to ask the most important question you ask the woman you love.

"Isabella Marie Swan," I said while taking her hand, "I have loved you for seven years now and I promise to love you for forever." I grinned, "Every single day of forever plus one day"

Bella smiled and tears filled her eyes.

"Since you are already the mother of my most adoring daughter, will you please do me the extraordinary honor of becoming my wife?" I asked.

Bella cupped my face before she jumped into my arms which tipped me backwards and Bella right on top of me; all of this to the amusement of my daughter.

"Yes, yes, yes, yes, a thousand times yes" Bella said against my lips.

I looped my arms around her waist and brushed my lips over hers and I kissed her very deeply.

"I love you so much" she sighed.

We got up from the ground and I slipped the ring onto my Bella's finger. Then my family started congratulating us.

"Congratulations mommy" my daughter jumped up and down, clapping her hands. Bella knelt in front of her and hugged her.

"Thanks baby girl"

"Hey, what about me?" I asked with my hand on my heart, acting hurt.

"Congratulations daddy…you're such a big baby" she giggled and ran to Emmett. Hiding behind the grizzly bear is probably the safest option right now I thought and chuckled to myself.

Bella wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me slowly.

"Are you happy?" I asked.

"Words are not enough to explain to you just how happy I am" she said.

It took us seven years to get to this point; of course we did everything backwards since we have a daughter first. Seven years of hell; but it made us stronger than we were and it made our bond so much stronger. I will always love my other children, Jade and MJ and I'll probably always miss them but thanks to Hayley, that hole is almost filled and my once broken heart is completely healed, thanks to Bella and her love for me.

**The end**

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><p><strong>What did<strong>** you think? I'm working on the epilogue and then we're all done. **

**What did you think about Rose and Bella's conversation? And what did you think of the song by Flyleaf? How was the proposal?**

**Please don't forget to go and check out my other story; LOW MANS' LYRICS…please support that story. I'm posting chapter two of that story, today! You will make my day if you go and read it and review it!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters.**

**I just want to thank every single one of you who have reviewed me through this entire story. Thank you for your support and for reading this story. Please support my other stories.**

**Thank you for all the alerts; story, favorite story and favorite author.**

**Here is the epilogue as I promised. I'm sorry it took so long. This is not going to be a long epilogue but I wrote this to answer some of your questions. **

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><p><strong>Epilogue – My Family<strong>

**Edward's POV**

"Edward," she hissed while squeezing the life out of my hand. "If you know what is good for you, you will not give me that smirk right now" she clenched her jaw.

"I'm sorry Love" I kissed the palm of her hand and cringed when she squeezed again. "I'm just so excited"

"I would say…since you're not the one squeezing a baby out" she started screaming again. I wanted to chuckle but the look on my wife's face changed my mind.

"One more push, Mrs. Cullen" the doctor said while looking up from between my wife's legs.

Bella started pushing and I silently wondered if I was going to be able to use my hand after this ordeal.

"Here he comes" the doctor said. My heart started pounding against my chest and I couldn't wait to hold my son in my arms. I've been longing this moment from the day Bella told me she was pregnant.

Bella's exhausted body fell back against the pillows and tears welled up in my eyes when I heard a pair of healthy lungs crying.

I cut the umbilical cord and after they wrapped him in a blanket the doctor handed my son to me. I cradled him in my arms while tears blinded my vision.

I'm holding my son in my arms; one of the most precious moments in my existence. I can just feel love overflowing in my heart and my heart swells a little more. Words are not enough to explain the love I have inside of me for my family.

I touched his tiny hand with my index finger and he wrapped his hand around my finger. He is just perfect; he has dark hair with a slight curl in. He definitely has Bella's nose. I chuckled.

I bent down with our son in my arms and Bella held her arms out. I placed him in her arms and Bella sniffed.

"He is so beautiful" she sobbed.

"He's perfect" I smiled and kissed her head.

"Welcome to our family, Seth Cullen" she said. We picked the name after we found out it's a boy. Well, Hayley kind of picked the name and Bella and I agreed because we thought it was a pretty cool name.

At that moment Seth yawned. Bella held her index finger under his chin and she chuckled.

"He has your lips" she sighs.

I smirked.

"Why the sigh?" I asked.

She looked up at me. "You're lips are sexy as hell which means some girl will someday feel the same about our son's lips" she explained.

I laughed loudly.

"He is not even one day old and already you are thinking about teenage girls?" I asked and chuckled as Bella's cheeks turned crimson. I trailed my finger over her cheek.

"I love you so much Bella" I said with emotion.

"I love you too" she said.

I kissed her on her lips and then kissed my son on his head.

"Thank you for loving me and for being my wife and the mother of my children."

"I can honestly say that it has been nothing but a pleasure" she grinned.

Bella was brought back into her room where a very impatient little girl was waiting for her. I chuckled at my daughter's expression.

"Hey mommy" she squealed. Bella's face lit up as soon as she laid eyes on our daughter.

Hayley has been looking forward to the day when she'll finally meet her little brother and now that that day finally arrived…she's uncontainable. She is so excited.

"Hi my sweet angel" she said. "I have someone who wants to meet you" Bella grinned.

Hayley jumped up and down and clapped her hands. She rushed over to Bella's bed.

I laughed and helped her to sit on Bella's bed.

"Can I hold him?" she asked and Bella smiled.

"Of course" she said. Hayley held her arms open for her brother and I helped Bella place Seth in Hayley's arms.

The way her eyes sparkled when she looked down on her brother was so touching and it brought immediate tears to my eyes.

"Hey Seth" she whispered, "I'm your big sister." Hayley smiled.

Bella's eyes filled with tears and I took her hand in mine.

I stared at my family and felt so much love for them. They are my life; the reason of my existence.

I planted a kiss on my daughter's head then gently kissed my son's head and lastly I kissed my wife passionately.

This is my happy ending…my family; my Bella, my Hayley and my Seth.

* * *

><p><strong>I'm sorry for not writing about Mike but I didn't want the happy-ending to be spoiled by him. We know that Mike was caught and that he was going to be sent to a loony-bin…hehe…<strong>

**Thank you so much for reading this story…please review one last time.**

**Oh and please check out my other three in-progress stories.**

*** Low Mans' Lyrics**

*** My Tourniquet**

*** Sleeping with the witness**


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